posted on October 28, 2001 09:14:52 PM new
The fight is over. At 9:33, my Superman succumed to his kryptonite ... cancer. What I thought would be a very scary experience was actually an enlightening one. My heart is broken yet I feel a tremendous burden has been lifted from my shoulders.
I thought it would really bother me to be in the same room with his dead body but I quickly realized that his soul was not there, that was just his shell. His soul was on a wonderful journey and his pain and suffering had ended.
He fought until his body could no longer fight. He made sure all of his children were with him, and we surrounded him, each showing our love.
I am very thankful for the hospice organization. They are an incredible group who allow people to die with dignity. They helped my family in more ways than you can imagine.
I had a wonderful gift this evening from the strangest place. The undertaker and his assistant came to get him and the assistant looked over at Dad, got a huge smile on his face, and said, "This man went peacefully. He was surrounded by love. Look at how serene he looks." That made a huge difference to me.
Your words here have gotten me thru today. It helps to have so many shoulders to lean in ... it lessens the burden.
This room seems so strangely empty now. Such a wonderful person will be missed so much.
And now, I must go to be with my family in the kitchen. It is time to work through our pain.
posted on October 28, 2001 09:25:04 PM new
Becky your love for your father won out against your fears of facing his death. I'm glad you were there with him and your family. You are all in my thoughts this evening.
Thank you for sharing these last precious moments with us. I hope you will stay on AW and let us help you though the sad times you will face in the future.
posted on October 29, 2001 07:58:52 AM new
{{{{{{{{{{Becky}}}}}}}}}} What a wonderful gift you all gave your father. To leave this world surrounded by the love of your family. My thoughts and prayers to you all right now...I sincerely hope that time will pass quickly to heal the sorrow and allow you all to share the wonderful memories of your father.
The following was a passage found in a mass card for my uncle who passed away 10/8/00. Although it brought us tears, it also brought us some comfort. I hope that it brings you comfort too {{{{{{{{{{Becky}}}}}}}}}
I'm Free.....
Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free..I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took God’s hand when I heard the call; I turned my back & left it all.
I could not stay another day...To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way...I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void....then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss...Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with time of sorrow...I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much...Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief...don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me
posted on October 29, 2001 09:12:48 AM new
Our prayers have all been answered,
I've finally arrived.
The healing that had been delayed,
has now been realized.
No one's in a hurry,
There's no schedule to keep
We're all enjoying Jesus
Just sitting at His feet.
If you could see me now
I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now
I'm standing tall and whole
If you could see me now
You'd know I'd seen His face
If you could see me now
You'd know the pains erased.
You'd never want me to leave this place,
If you could only see me now.
My light and temporary trials
have worked out for my good.
To know I brought Him glory
When I misunderstood.
Thou we've had our sorrows
they can never compare
What Jesus has in store for us
no language can share.
If you could see me now
I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now
I'm standing tall and whole
If you could see me now
You'd know I'd seen His face
If you could see me now
You'd know the pains erased.
You'd never want me to leave this place,
If you could only see me now.
I don't really know what to say right now that may help comfort you and your family. I just want you to know that I am thinking about you.
I guess I prefer to think of death as a healing. When one dies there is no more pain, no more bent joints, no more age and no more sorrow.
I also believe that when a loved one dies that they then really truly know, in a way they can't while alive, how much they were/are loved and how much they really touched the lives of those around them.
______________________________
posted on November 1, 2001 09:22:51 AM newHere is the eulogy. Since you helped me so much I would like to tell you a bit about him. My biggest problem was selecting what to say ... and what to leave out.
Today I would like to tell you the very special story of a man I will forever be honored to call Dad.
He was born 66 years ago to Nettie and Harry Glacken. Until he met my mother, the most special woman in his life was his sister Betty Marie whom I am proud to be named after.
He met the love of his life, JoAnn, when he ran out of gas ... which is probably why he warned me to always check the gas levels on my date's cars.
He was very special to his nephews ... I have been told that more than once Mom woke up to find her living room full of teenagers.
Dad was always ready to lend a hand.
From the time he saved the life of a child along the road to when he and Terry drove to Norfolk, VA to change a timing chain for Donald the man never ceased to amaze me. I will forever have the picture of him driving his garden tractor through homes and plowing away flood mud inside people's living rooms etched in my mind.
I have always marveled at my parent's marriage ... all the years they were together and they still walked around holding hands, always thinking of the other first. You could almost feel their love for one another.
He loved his children and put them first in his life. To get a reminder of him, all any of the five of us have to do is look around and see his handiwork....
Terry's picnic caddy with the train cutout, Don's choice of career, my video store, who Elwood is, and Donna's ironing board.
His grandchildren were special gifts to him. He always found a way to make each one feel special and I must admit that most of the things that came out of Pappy's Woodshop ended up in the arms of his grandchildren.
Hayley, Hannah, and I spent many weekends with Mom and Dad going to flea markets, craft shows, and well .... you name it. If he could find a reason, any ole reason to load up the van with his girls and go away we went.
I would get and early morning call .... Hey, wanna go for a ride?.... and off on yet another adventure we would go.
Last year my store was broken into and I did what any normal 40-year-old woman would do .... I called my Dad ... at 6 AM. As usual, he came right away and fixed everything. But then, I knew he would. He always was my Superman.
He could fix anything, he could build anything, he could do anything. And on the rare instance that he couldn't fix the problem, he always knew someone that could. Now where am I gonna find a mechanic that I can call and say, my car sounds like this ... and make a funny noise and have him know exactly what was wrong with the car ... and how to fix it? Oh, that's right ... Dad does have three sons, each able to interpret my funny sounds. Terry, Donald, and Elwood ... I love you all. Mom and Donna ... your love sustains me now. Hayley, Hannah and Brian ... you are my world.
Through the years I have discovered how truly wonderful a man he his, at what great lengths he went to ensure his family's happiness, how he arose to challenges where other men walked away.
I consider myself fortunate to be a part of this incredible family ... one who will drop everything and come running at the mere call of another. That is the finest blessing that Dad gave each one of us.
We are a circle of warmth and love, and although that circle has been broken, we will heal. We will never again be the same, but must hold onto our wonderful memories ... they will get us through our troubled times.
Everything I have, everything I do, the person I am is because of my Dad. He was my Superman.
Unfortunately, even Superman has his Kryptonite.
Dad's was cigarettes. If you are a smoker, please save your family the same agony mine has endured this year. This did not have to happen. Please stop smoking now .... in honor of my Superman.
Daddy, your girls and I will love you forever.
[ edited by mrssantaclaus on Nov 1, 2001 09:25 AM ]
posted on November 1, 2001 09:29:20 AM new
That's very touching Becky. I'm sure your dad would be so proud. {{{{{Becky}}}}} My prayers are with you and yours.
posted on November 1, 2001 12:52:26 PM new
Becky....What a wonderful person your Dad was!.....&....he has raised a beautiful, caring daughter. I hope that you are hangin' in there....my prayers & strength to you & your family...
posted on November 1, 2001 10:26:20 PM new
I am hanging in here. His passing was peaceful, but he fought it every step of the way. Each time he felt himself slipping he would have us help him sit up and he would fight. He was Superman even to the end.
Earlier in the evening we had a visitor at the back door. A disheveled man, long beard, unkempt hair. He said he was lost ... could we help him. My Mom offered him a cold drink then my brother said, "Come in and have a cup of coffee. It is cold outside." The man said he had been in an accident and had survived a coma of several months. He has no dept perception and kept running into trees in the woods. When he first walked into the house he looked around, never acknowledging my father's presence, and said "Wow, this place is beautiful. I never realized how beautiful this was." His family came for him and he went.
We were given a gift in that stranger ... the knowledge for my father that someone else thought the home he built was as wonderful as we all know it is.
Several members of my family also saw him reaching upwards, as if he was looking to grab a hand reaching down to him. I know where he went ...
Within 4 hours he was back ... pacing on the kitchen floor. He has made contact so far with 7 members of my immediate family, including myself. He has spoken to both little girls, but then I knew he would.
Is there life after death? You betcha! Do they come back to watch over us? As fast as they possibly can. That is, if you open your heart to them.
I do need to say, however, that just before his death we told him it was OK for him to contact us, that we would be fine with it.
As I have said before,
To those who believe, no explanation is necessary. To those who do not, no explanation is enough.
posted on November 1, 2001 11:09:25 PM new
Becky....I have been deliberately avoiding
your thread since the day you started it..
I cant do that any longer...
I feel I have let you down when you needed
all your friends...Im so very very sorry to hear
about Dad....I know roots run deep and the apple
never falls far....you are a great soul and you learned
that from the people who raised you...
posted on November 1, 2001 11:18:04 PM new
Becky, That is a beautiful story. Your father sounds so very special.It is nice to know that they do come back to visit. Helps you to find peace in your heart.
I greatly empathize with you. These situations make you feel all alone and they are extremely painful! Support groups may help, but you always have to face the inevitable once you leave the gathering. You walk through your door, into a vacuum of quiet, your thoughts, your memories. From 1991 to 1994 I watched my mother waste away to nothing, becoming a blithering idiot from Alzheimer's Disease. Even though it's been 7 years, I still have a big presence ripped out of my life. A person I wasn't prepared to say goodbye to. Being the oldest of my siblings I took the legal responsibilities which only added to the excruciating circumstance I already faced. I'm not going to list all the details of what I experienced (as they are like that of so many others), but will say that I had to go outside myself for help. I'm not speaking about friends or family members whose well meaning influence last for only the moment you are with them. I'm referring to faith in God, faith in Jesus Christ. Not meaning to push my faith on you or anyone else, nobody or anything else brings lasting and enduring peace through the storms of life the way Jesus can. I stand on that statement this very moment. Last week, I had what I think to be a slight heart attack. Not sure, but the symptoms certainly match although heart disease and heart attacks don't follow in my family. I am seeing my Dr. to check this out to be safe. I have been fine since then. Still, while I'm concerned, I am completely at peace about this. I'm not worried in the least!
God Bless you and take care of yourself!
posted on November 7, 2001 01:27:17 PM new
Oh Becky, my heart is sore for you! I haven't been over here for some time and I just saw your post today. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.
I loved your eulogy-- thank you for posting it. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man.
I have to admit though, about halfway through it I burst into tears. It was really touching as you can tell how much you love him.
Hang in there and if you need a friend you know you have one here.
Take care!
Vanessa
posted on November 7, 2001 09:11:03 PM new
Becky: Just look at all the people here who love you at a distance and are carrying you in their thoughts now. I hope that gives you comfort.
The more we love, the more we mourn over loss. It's human to care and to mourn. I'm constantly amazed at how very much we can indeed bear if we have to. We hang on by our fingernails and just keep going. I'll be thinking of you this month. Adele
My prayers are with you. I hope for a good report from the doctor for you.
Adele, Vanessa, and all~
I am grateful for the support I receive here. You see, I can come here and not have to be strong ...
When I read the eulogy, I never imagined how hard that would be. It was a draining experience, but one that I really felt I needed to do. Everyone in the funeral home was sobbing. I know he would be proud of me .. I was able to put into words who he was, the man that for the most part only his family knew.
Thanks, all, for your kind words and for your friendship. It has helped me more than you could imagine.
posted on November 10, 2001 10:45:45 AM new
I just wanted to post a conversation I had with my hubby last nite.
The night after my father died, I was at my Mom's house with the rest of my family ... Brian went out with a couple of old friends to deal with the tragedy in his own way.
He came home and well, let's just say he was "watering the grass" behind my garage.
He heard a distinctive voice say, "Hey! What are you doing?" B said, "Um ... I'm just peeing." The voice, "Do you have a light?" B said, "I'm kinda busy here ....." Then he heard the distinctive laughter of my father, only he assured me that it was the strong voice of a few years ago.
Up until that moment, Brian was a non-believer. Actually, I think he thought I was a bit off center
I guess he found the explanation he was not even looking for....
Sometimes comfort comes from where you would least expect it.
posted on November 21, 2001 07:23:53 PM new
Becky, I know this will be a hard Thankgiving Day for you and your family. Even though his chair may be empty, it sounds like he will be there in spirit.
So many families will have empty chairs this year. I'm so thankful ours will be full.
posted on November 21, 2001 11:20:25 PM new
Chococake,
Thanks for the nice thoughts .. and for bringing this thread back to the top. I reread some of the posts .... what once brought sobs and tears tonite brings a smile ...
It is still hard for me to believe he is gone. Gosh, has it been 3 weeks already? Oh, what I would give for just one more hug ....
Tomorrow a seat will be empty, and we will be sad ... but, I know there is one less empty seat in heaven. Only this year, they get those wonderful mashed potatoes .....
