nharmon
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posted on April 10, 2002 04:40:26 PM new
My ex is behind $4,476.89 The state has already taken his drivers license for failure to pay child support. It really doesn't matter to him because he lives in another state and I am sure he already has another license in that state. We have two kids and he only is ordered to pay around $320. We haven't seen any money since June or July and before that it was real spotty. He has no desire to see our kids who are 5 and 6 years old or even call them. He was working in New York- his parents told me that much at least but that is about it. He came to my house at Christmas time and spent about an hour with the kids and before that he hadn't seen them since June. He spent about $100 on each of our two kids- I know this because he left the price tags on everything. The child support worker we have is lazy and any tiny bit of information I give her she tells me even if they do find my ex he will most likely change jobs anyways. I wonder if I am alone
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gravid
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posted on April 10, 2002 05:13:08 PM new
If you get no benefit from him working would you get anything if he were disabled and collecting a disability payment? Or survivor benefits? Just wondered because accidents do happen...
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nharmon
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posted on April 10, 2002 06:00:14 PM new
he was doing some kind of clean up around ground zero in New York so I was told by his parents. His motel stay was paid by the company he worked for, I was told. So if he only had to pay for his food and clothes out his paycheck- why couldn't he pay child support. His car is paid for already and sitting in his parents garage about 10 minutes from my house. He has an older car so he doesn't have a car payment or anything either. I checked into one of those places that locate the dead beat dad and make them pay it. The one I found today said if they can find him they will take 34% of whatever they can get him to pay. I just can't win. I know that one day all this back child support will catch up with him-- but it sure doesn't help me today.
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gravid
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posted on April 10, 2002 06:45:44 PM new
Can you put a lien on the car? Or even get the court to award it to you or force it's sale?
[ edited by gravid on Apr 10, 2002 06:47 PM ]
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nharmon
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posted on April 10, 2002 06:51:34 PM new
blue book value on it isn't much. I was already told it wouldn't even be worth it. His parents or friends would hide that car before that would even be an option. he probably has put it in his dads name by now so I can't touch it.
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Helenjw
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posted on April 10, 2002 07:13:37 PM new
This is a tough problem. Right now, he is apparently working out of state in order to avoid the responsibility of child care payments. If the problem is low income, he may not be financially able to handle the payments.
I wonder if he would have a relationship with the children if this obligation to produce money was not an immediate concern. If this requirement could be relaxed, he might return and find a better job.
[ edited by Helenjw on Apr 10, 2002 07:16 PM ]
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nharmon
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posted on April 10, 2002 07:20:01 PM new
when he was here for Christmas he gave a friend of mine a ride home(her car broke down)- anyways- She saw his ATM reciept on the floor of the car and he had $3,200 in his bank account. I bet at Christmas time I didn't have 32 cents in my check book.
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nharmon
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posted on April 10, 2002 07:36:56 PM new
I would love to latch on to his bank his account- have it frozen so he can't withdraw out of it and take the child support out of it that is due to my kids. I ran this idea by my child support worker but she is too lazy to do anything about it. So I went to the court house- I mean how easy- his bank account is here in the next town and he is off in New York he has his paycheck direct deposted and he just uses his Visa Check card and Atm card in New York. The legal aid woman I talked to at the court house said, that is a long process and expensive to go court and go against him for not paying child support and try and get his bank account frozen so some funds will come out of there for support. If the child support office isn't behind me I don't have a chance. The child support worker won't help one darn bit either she is is just too busy- i wonder what she is doing it sure isn't helping locate my ex.
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nycyn
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posted on April 10, 2002 07:55:00 PM new
>>he was doing some kind of clean up around ground zero in New York so I was told by his parents. His motel stay was paid by the company he worked for, I was told. So if he only had to pay for his food and clothes out his paycheck- why couldn't he pay child support.<<
I had a hunch for some reason it was going to come to this. After any GZ work you don't have much left for much else, even rationality. He may be drunk when not working, he may be...
And while every one argues the merits of who deserves what across the pond people are dying right before their very eyes right here. This is the biggest hypocrisy of all.
I bet your ex's lack of responsibility is not intentional. (It may be but I do have a bias, as a victim of the GZ mind-foch.)
However, do what you have to do to get the money you need to support your kids.
Best with it.
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gravid
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posted on April 10, 2002 09:02:47 PM new
How about asking to be assigned to a different caseworker? Or even just telling the present one as nicely as you can that if she does not get her butt in gear you are going to ask for another one - and suggest it would be less trouble to help get your money than answer why you want another case worker?
I just got my bank to refund three payments and issue me a new debit card because I pointed out I am not working and have all day to go down and file my own suit against them without the expense of a lawyer. It seemed very convincing to her.
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monkeysuit
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posted on April 11, 2002 03:59:31 AM new
My ex husband is now over $30,000.00 behind in his child support payments. I've registered with the state atty's office and given them his name, soc security number and phone number. The only money I've seen in the past 8 years is one tax refund interception. When my ex realized that I would be receiving his tax refund, he began to work for cash.
Now that our youngest has just turned 18, my ex may not know that I'll still be able to intercept his tax refund checks, so I may be able to get one more. After that, he'll go back to an all cash income I'm sure.
The system has never worked for me. It's been one screw up after another and I don't see it changing any time soon. It's particularly difficult when he lives in one state and I live in another.
Robin
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gravid
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posted on April 11, 2002 04:15:20 AM new
Could you establish your legal residence in whatever state he is in? Perhaps you have friends that would offer an address you could use?
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monkeysuit
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posted on April 11, 2002 04:55:53 AM new
The only people I know who live in his state are related to him and won't help me.
Knowing that he won't get another tax refund check until his deficit is paid off is some comfort, but not much. I would have been able to afford to send the boys to college if I'd just had a little help from their father. The only option we had, though, is for the boys to join the Army and Air Force to get a college education and get out of this town.
It's just too easy for someone to move to another state to avoid paying child support.
My state's prosecutor either doesn't have the resourses or the inclination to help me.
Both of our boys are now in the military and are doing great. The irony is that they both want to establish relationships with their father even though he has done nothing for them, not even a card or letter, since they were little. He, of course, admits that he's a terrible father. As if admitting it makes it ok.
When I filed the papers for the refund intercept, I was told that I was not to contact the prosecutor's office again. If there was any information, they would contact me. Other than the one check which was delayed three months because they lost my address, I've heard nothing.
Robin
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nharmon
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posted on April 11, 2002 05:16:46 AM new
nycyn-
We live in Minnesota and he went all the way to New York to work there.
[ edited by nharmon on Apr 24, 2002 03:41 PM ]
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Helenjw
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posted on April 11, 2002 06:52:13 AM new
Well, that sheds some new light on the problem!
In answer to your original question, "I wonder if I am alone" I would answer, Let's hope so.
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mrssantaclaus
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posted on April 11, 2002 07:14:46 AM new
PA employers are required to notify the state when they have a new hire ... it is part of a program to located deadbeat parents.
Good luck to you ... I hope things look up for you soon. 
BECKY
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luculent
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posted on April 11, 2002 09:32:15 AM new
I'm owed $21,000 plus whatever interest. Went to court over and over again. They'd slap his hand, he'd make one token payment of $100 or so, and then quit again.
The stress and my attorney bills made me decide to quit pursuit. But now that my children are grown, I have a lien against his house, I make sure that the past due amount is on credit reports, I intercept his income tax. I was receiving a garnishment from his paycheck, but he was laid off. When he went back, I called and started it again. Then he was laid off. My attorney is now filing suit against the company he works for because the garnishment order did not expire and when he went back to work, they did not take out a payment.
It is hard to take care of your kids when you struggle financially. I wish there was more societal accountability towards deadbeat parents to take care of their children. There just aren't any consequences. You can turn in a neighbor for neglecting his dog, but deadbeat parents are allowed to go merrily on their way.
What's sad it's not the child support, but usually the deadbeats don't even visit. It's the kids who lose out. And the deadbeats who grow old and have nobody.
This is a very sore subject for me.
Lucy
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doxdogy
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posted on April 11, 2002 09:46:30 AM new
Most states have what is called an income deduction order (I.D.O for short). Check to see about having one of those issue once you are able to find out the company that he is working for. If I am not mistaken, there are websites out there that will assist the custodial parent in obtaining child support from the non-custodial parent.
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gravid
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posted on April 11, 2002 09:48:41 AM new
I wonder if it would be beneficial for you women who are being stood up for child support to publish a web page with a list of dead beat Dads just like a sex offender list. That way you could at least know who in your area was treating his kids like yours are being treated. A lot of these men go for self employment. How many people would stop using a yard service or a plumber if they knew this about them?
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nharmon
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posted on April 11, 2002 09:54:02 AM new
Thanks doxdogy- I will check into that in my state.
Thanks Gravid- That would be good idea to make up a website of deadbeat dads pictures. I might check into that. I sure have to try something.
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mlecher
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posted on April 12, 2002 06:28:29 AM new
Someone made mention on how you can be prosecuted more easily and severely for mistreating your dog.
I wonder, would it be possible to charge the deadbeat dads with animal abuse and neglect in the cases of back child support. It would bring a lot of attention to the disparities in the law on how we treat our pets and how we treat our fellow man.
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luculent
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posted on April 12, 2002 08:24:04 AM new
That's where it's really sad.
It should not have to be pointed out that we are required to treat our dogs better than we treat our children.
I think people will help a dog more easily.
Neglect, abuse and abandonment of children is such an overwhelming problem, that no one has a solution.
Non-payment of child support is considered a non-violent crime. There is no space in our already overcrowded jails for non-payers.
It's easy for us to shun a child-abuser, one that we knows beats a child. But do we shun dead-beat parents? Nope, it's okay to be friends with people who do not support their children. Society does not know how to cope with this overwhelming problem, so society just turns it's head.
I say, put them in jail. Nope, they can't earn money while in jail, but they aren't paying anyway so that argument won't wash.
Make them responsible. If Welfare costs went down, we'd all be happy.
Lucy
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plsmith
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posted on April 12, 2002 12:42:22 PM new
Here's a person who's put together a vast array of links to "deadbeat" resources on the Web. Too much info to list here but definitely worth a look:
RESOURCES FOR CUSTODIAL PARENTS DEALING WITH DEADBEAT PARENTS
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mezuzas
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posted on April 12, 2002 05:21:45 PM new
My ex owes over $11,000. I received a letter yesterday that they are planning on garnishing his wages. This is 4 and half years after I requested it be done.
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rsalant
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posted on April 12, 2002 07:07:36 PM new
Child support? Are some mothers getting it? Will wonders never cease? My child was just a few months old when my marriage ended. I received $340.00 or so dollars in support payments during her eighteen growing up years.
[ edited by rsalant on Apr 12, 2002 07:19 PM ]
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gravid
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posted on April 12, 2002 11:04:47 PM new
Part of the problem is that the women have all been taught to be "nice" little girls and to follow all the rules. They feel physically intimidated by the men.
If it were men owed all these huge sums of money there would be a rash of visits to emergency after cousin Viney came by with a baseball bat and put the fear of god in the debtor. But the ladies will wait until somebody else with authority takes care of it for them.
I can assure you if my Mother had every had a couple hundred a month that was not being paid her she would have confronted the creep and jammed the barrel of her pistol about three inches up his nose to make sure he was listening while she spoke real low about her disappointment. If he got off easy with wetting himself and writing a check, and didn't lose any important body parts he would be lighting candles to the Saint of fools for a month.
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plsmith
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posted on April 12, 2002 11:42:44 PM new
"If it were men owed all these huge sums of money there would be a rash of visits to emergency after cousin Viney came by with a baseball bat and put the fear of god in the debtor."
There'd also be a passle of meaningful laws, and cops who enforced them, and prosecutors who respected them, and judges who upheld them.
You're right, Gravid, women are raised from girlhood to "be nice" ... Do you have daughters yourself? Did you allow them to develop their "tough" side when growing up, or did you ridicule any independent tendencies as being "tomboyish" and "unladylike"?
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gravid
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posted on April 13, 2002 04:43:01 AM new
I didn't have daughters but I helped a great deal to raise my niece who learned geometry and other mathematics from me way before the school got around to teaching her, and who I took fishing and showed how to cut bait clean fish and relieve herself off the back of the boat.
She worked on cars with me and went a few times with me on construction sites. Her parents did not want me to show her how to shoot so there were only a few times we were alone she
asked me to let her shoot my pistol because she knew I used to carry all the time. I never took her out to shoot long guns. I remember first time she asked to shoot we were hiking in to a lake there was no road near so it had some good fishing and she thought she was asking to shoot my .45 I carried in the small of my back. When I reached down inside my jeans and came up with a Pietro Beretta and told her it was more her size it taught her more about not making assumptions than shooting. She didn't know about the back up.
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auroranorth
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posted on April 13, 2002 05:07:56 AM new
First off this is a problem that shows a sickness in our society.
A.women are way to generous with who they sleep with.
B.the legal system has become parasitic feeding on problems and creating more problems instead of sloving them.
C.Highly paid government employees who cant seem to move like their asses are on fire. that is the dept of lethargy seems to be the rule rather than the exception. mouthy illiterate arrogant and in many big cities plain out and out stupid cretins who are so impressed with the title of they position that they hold that they cannot be bothered to actually prefrom any services invloved with that position.
D.Men bashing, lets say a state says they are owed a figure in child support the figures are produced by the very dept that wants money to collect the money they have not collected, thhis goes to problem C. Above. and gives rise each year to more and more fascist laws designed to attack liberty that have not produced a solution in getting women a check.
It's no secret that a single White male pays more than their share of the expenses of this society.
E.the solutions in the cases here are to find some bottom feeding three peice suited parasite member of the bar association and sue civilay the people helping conceal asstes for mental harm. Always hit the pocket book and they will stop.
specific cases as far as the first post the states each have back and forth driving laws if your state stops a liscense then he can't get one somewheres else.
I recently saw a fool quit a 80.000.00 a year job because he felt the female entraped him so she could sit on her butt. fact is yes she did but he is in his forties and should Know what a rubber is too.
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mezuzas
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posted on April 13, 2002 05:49:54 AM new
A.women are way to generous with who they sleep with.
Most of the women I know who are single parents were married to the deadbeat sperm donors. I don't think women should stop sleeping with their SO whom are supposed to be trustworthy. A real question is why do the men in this country overwhelmingly feel that they should not support their children.
Then society is really harsh on the women who swallow their pride and take welfare checks because the same government wouldn't force these men to pay up. Society should start being harsh on the deadbeats instead.
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