posted on September 19, 2002 07:35:30 PM new
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists... two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, the door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
posted on September 20, 2002 06:33:32 AM new
And this is about eBay because?
OK. I am game. Before the thread is closed that is. I could make up some breast jokes because so many man are developing, but I won't. I am not putting in the really degrading ones.
I am sick of female jokes, especially when males have the biggest joke making national
decisions, so here goes.....
=================
What did God say after creating man?
"I can do better."
What can't a man keep: a job, a budget, or a promise?
All of the above.
What do you call a man with his hands handcuffed behind his back?
Trustworthy
Why does a man have a clean conscience?
Because it's never used.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man than for a woman?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist
Why do men get only half an hour for lunch?
So their bosses won't have to retrain them.
What won't a man stand for?
A pregnant woman on a bus.
What happened to the man who put Odor-Eaters in his shoes?
He disappeared.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Why do men name their peni$e$?
So they can be on a first-name basis with the person who makes 95% of their decisions.
From: Eve's Revenge by Tama Starr. 1994
Edited to apologize to Diana and all at AW for putting this in EO.
posted on September 20, 2002 08:07:32 AM newAposter, I love it!
And to answer your question, it really iseBay related.
You see, we eBayers make friends on this board, right? And yesterday, when I got that ugly (and undeserved, of couse) negative from that stoopid eBay newbie (making 3 in over three years - but the second one this summer!), my first temptation was to run over here and vent.
But I figured everyone else had eBay problems too, and what we all needed was a little relief in order to continue being good eBayers .
posted on September 20, 2002 08:53:16 AM new
OK. I proclaim it eBay related!
As long as the jokes ONLY undermine the sex who always seems to want to degrade, defile, de??? the opposite one.
After seeing recent threads showing silicone breasts hanging over VCR auctions and an "About Me" porno page I am getting pretty tired of infantile men slobbering all of themselves.
Boy, do I sound intense. On with eBay relaxation time!
posted on September 20, 2002 02:57:15 PM new
Kiara--how many times I gotta tell you to stop posting my pic in these threads?
[ edited by classicrock000 on Sep 20, 2002 02:58 PM ]
posted on September 20, 2002 03:33:51 PM new
LOL... when i showed hubby what i was lookin' at "kiara's chippendale dude" he says, "well, ya know ... he has a BRAIN, too!"
posted on September 20, 2002 04:42:46 PM new
YIKES!!!!!!!! SPIKES!!!!!!! REMEBER THESE BOOTS? THEY NEVER TOUCHED THE GROUND, ONLY CEILING SCUFF MARKS. I SOLD THEM ON E BAY.
AND THE BEAT GOES ON.......
[ edited by JACKSWEBB on Sep 20, 2002 04:45 PM ]
posted on September 20, 2002 05:17:20 PM new
"WHEN WOMEN TALK,,,,GUYS WATCH FOOTBALL! HAHAHAHHA."
Or fish? I guess women were concerned a FEW years ago too!
"To a Gentleman Who Invited Me to Go
A-Fishing,"
–Elizabeth Moody--1798
For vacant hours of man's destructive leisure
Were sports invented of the barbarous kind;
But tempt not me to share thy cruel pleasure-
No sports are guiltless to the feeling mind,
Shall I, who cultivate the Muse's lays,
And pay my homage at Apollo's shrine,
Shall I to torpid angling give my days,
And change poetic wreaths for fishing-line?
Sit like a statue by the placid lake,
My mind suspended on a gudgeon's fate;
Transported if the silly fish I take,
Chagrined and weary, if it shuns the bait?
[Also from Eve's Revenge 1994]
==========================
And a more modern one...
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him on the weekends." [unknown author, from Eve's Revenge.]
Edit: UBB
[ edited by aposter on Sep 20, 2002 05:18 PM ]
posted on September 20, 2002 05:24:54 PM new
"They told me the fish felt no pain; they told me the fish didn't care. But it was not the fish who told me."
