posted on January 20, 2001 10:43:42 AM new
femme...I did see your post in Parents, but the wording lead me to believe you did not want it discussed any further. I said a private prayer for you and your family and hope you continue to recover. Speaking with a professional may be the key to acceptance. For while we know we cannot change what has happened, you do eventually come to a point where you know you need to go on. You are right that you and your husband will never be the same. But being different is not always a bad thing, just different.
Have you considered finding a support group in your area? Sometimes talking with people who have already been through it can be healing.
posted on January 20, 2001 12:35:08 PM new
(more, and forgive me for seizing the bully pulpit and saying what's repeating itself in my head...)
We are, those of us sailing this sea of anonymity called the Internet, adrift in our little boats sailing for home.
We sail on waters fair or stormy, and each of the multitudes of us want to be seen. So much that we allow ourselves to become cartoons and stereotypes if that's what is necessary, just to be seen.
And co-existing here or in other places, every once in awhile we give one another the gift of sight and it is a life-defining gift, wrapped up in pretty word-paper and topped with a bow, it says that the "you-ness" of you exists in a transcendental way that defies the absence of flesh.
This is the gift that we're hunting when we hunch over our systems late at night, or when we type out words like clarion calls and refresh the screen over and over to see the response, and when we find ourselves coming here rather than to the concrete reality of family or friend to voice our deepest fears...
It's a little thing to give, that gift-wrapped package of humanity, it only takes the briefest moment of stuffing the demon called why should I care into the periphery and bringing to center stage the nearly ubiquitous lessons we've all learned in our "real" lives...how to cope, how to move forward, how to go on living in a way that brings you pride.
For me, it is the ineluctable horror of immersement that sometimes leaves me reluctant to give that gift. And each time I give in to that, another little boat goes by, and sometimes runs aground, and I never know whether I could have saved it, not with wisdom or greater knowledge, but simply by seeing and caring.
It is a gift that rebounds to the giver, for when we see, we are seen. And the joy of being thus seen lends vigor to the strokes of the oarsman...in my mind, I sometimes see a smile that is the microcosm for the entire miracle of life.
So, femme, whose brave message underscores all that I've been saying...accept if you will this small package, wrapped with haste and with a bow fashioned from twine instead of satin, given too late, but nonetheless complete of itself...I see you, and what I see will be with me each time I scroll too swiftly past the real feelings of a fellow sailor, and what I see will cause me to return and offer what aid I have to give.
posted on January 20, 2001 12:49:08 PM new
Well, Femme, I'm sorry you were initially disappointed by your fellow posters' seeming lack of concern. By now you've seen that it wasn't that at all and what's been written in this thread is better than gold.
I, too, missed your post -- I don't open threads addressed to "Parents" or "Spouses" or "Anniversaries" or "Children" because I don't have any of the above and therefore no experiences to share.
I'm glad you had the courage to come back here and state exactly how you felt and then remain long enough to discover that your place here does matter and that no one was intentionally disinterested or cruel.
This place is full of fine, caring people. Right, krs?
Edited to clarify: I *do* have parents, but I'm not one myself...
[ edited by plsmith on Jan 20, 2001 12:50 PM ]
posted on January 20, 2001 01:04:22 PM newD.
I remember you asking a certain poster whom you respect that if he found anything you wrote (on the thread at TOP) with special potential to let you know and I couldn't help but think "Gee, all of Diana's writing is good, but I am not a writer" but I know what I like and I like what you just wrote to Femme. I think you have a special gift!
posted on January 20, 2001 01:27:59 PM new
{{{{nobs}}}}...the bit of gift I have IS largely about seeing, which is why I'm particularly sorry when I ignore it. As Pat knows, and does her best to prevent.
Someday, maybe I'll unlock the chains of fear and write like a demon! If I do, I'll dedicate it to y'all...
posted on January 20, 2001 03:33:41 PM new
Hi Femme, I didn't see your post and I don't know whats hurting you but it sounds like a very big something and I'm terrible with words to comfort. I hope someday very soon it all hurts less and eventually give you peace.
I have wanted to respond at different times to painful posts but sometimes dont because I think by the way its posted that the person might soon regret posting it or that my feeble words would be wrong.
I am glad you are staying...and I agree that I am glad 2000 is now in the past. I missed your post and don't recall seeing the thread you mentioned, but I do understand.
I also want to thank you whole heartedly for making Pat reveal how to title a thread I don't want her to read.
**Disclaimer: If I appear arguementive, then I probably am just being a #*!@ today. It comes & goes. C.
