posted on December 30, 2003 02:12:07 PM new
Dang..now I have to wipe coffee off my monitor....
J
~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~
All the monkeys aren't in the zoo,
Every day you meet quite a few,
So you see it's all up to you.
You can be better than you are,
You could be swingin' on a star
posted on December 30, 2003 03:03:40 PM new
I was ok with the initial message (well all know that nero is a tad bit twisted) - it's Kiaras pic that now has me cleaning off my monitor. Y'all ain't right!
~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~
If it's really "common" sense, why do so few people actually have it?
posted on December 31, 2003 03:03:51 PM new
fenix, I know you were joshing me!!
But you know what in all seriousness? I've been there. At the point of goodbye cruel cruel world (who said that; from what movie anyway?) Only tiny sparks of hope have kept me from actually ... well, you know,.ending it. It just seem apprepro (?) with the goobye ebay thread going on.......it \just sounded so ultra dramatic.
I hate this sh*I* really. I know some are worst off then me and in some pain too. I think my drama \should be a quiet one.
But anyway, havent had a good New Years Eve here (can ya tell?). Hubby and I squaring off on things old but present.....Its like he just doesnt fu***ing get it!!
okay enu b4 I embarrass meself. I am driking in myh home......: biggest eyeroll::
But I appreciate some 'web' friends here on vendio. >;_)
posted on December 31, 2003 04:00:06 PM new
neroter
You have one of those at home, too? I usually hold up in my office when I've about had it. Like tonight. I'm working on some listings for new inventory I got in. While I was doing that he was out shopping at BJ's Wholesale Club. Next thing you know I've got him banging on the ceiling (my office is upstairs) for me to come down and put everything away. Like he doesn't have two arms of his own! Anyway, I come downstairs because by now the constant banging is irritating the he** out of me and let me tell you this - I will never allow him to shop on his own again. We now have enough sugar coated cereal to last a lifetime. We will never run out of coffee creamer or coffee. Everything he bought is in huge containers and we've no place to store it. Augh. It's enough to feed an army and there are only three of us. So, dummy me opens my mouth. Huge mistake! To make a long story short, I'm back up holed in my office. LOL!
This has been a really bad year for me and I'm glad it's ending. Finances have been tighter than they've ever been and that doesn't help the home life any. And then eBay does and ends some of my auctions. Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn and all that crap.
Drink to the New Year and pray it's a good one filled with peace, love, prosperity and good health to all.
posted on December 31, 2003 04:06:10 PM new
Hey Tessa! Hang in there! This was a tough year for many of us including me. It sucked bigtime and I'm happy to say goodbye to it.
I know it's hard to think of it this way but you have to remember that life is a balance and good things will happen more than double again to make up for the bad times.
All things are for a reason and no matter what happens we learn and we become stronger. And always remember that others have it much worse.
All the best in the New Year. Keep the hope and you'll do fine.
posted on December 31, 2003 05:33:06 PM new
Every time my mother used to ask why I insist on living single I used to ask her to name the happy married people she knew. This year she stopped asking and started telling me that she envied me.
I don't have a pain in the butt significant but I do have a cat that expresses his occasional displeasure by pulling towels of the rack and using it as a litter box and I am going to have to hire someone to come in and paint my new apartment since 5' woman + 18' ceilings = nothing but a big mess. Just remember my friends - the single life ain't all peaches and cream either .
~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~
If it's really "common" sense, why do so few people actually have it?
posted on December 31, 2003 09:04:39 PM new
Reminds me of the lyrics to a CW song: "I'm so miserable without you- it's almost like having you here." Or perhaps this one: "My best friend left with my wife last week and I sure do miss him" HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
posted on December 31, 2003 10:19:44 PM new
Hang in there neroter, a lot of us have been there & that little spark has also saved us & a little spark is going to save me now.
Bad year for me too, the worst. Here I sit in this God forsaken trailer after losing our home to Hurricane Isabel. I thought my husband would be strong, someone I could lean on & help me through this. How wrong I was. No matter what I say or do I can't get him involved. When ever the builder, architect, twp manager or insurance adjuster or anyone else shows up, he leaves. It's like this all has nothing to do with him & I've had it.
We have been married 27 years, he's my second husband, & I have a surprize waiting for him.
I have always kept in touch with my first husband, he lives in KS & I live in PA, & lately we have been on the phone almost every day. Main topic seems to be how much we miss each other & want to be together again. He is divorced & I'm certainly heading in that direction. It's time to get rid of this boy that I'm married to, I swear he thinks I'm his mother & I guess I am, but not for much longer. I have spent far to many years with this loner who likes nothing in this world more than watching TV & doesn't even know when my birthday is!
Life is too short, if your not happy, change your life, I'm going to. Tonight I decided I'm going to marry my first husband again. I am tired of being all alone.
posted on December 31, 2003 10:28:04 PM new
mcjane - I am really sorry for all you are going through. I think of you quite often, and say a silent prayer that things will get better quickly.
For some strange reason, a Robert Schuller (of all people!) quote comes to mind...
Tough times never last...tough people do.
My thoughts are with you
__________________________________
"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to the people who sleep under the very blanket of freedom I provide, and then question the manner in which I provide it. I'd rather you just said 'thank you' and went on your way." - A Few Good Men
[ edited by wgm on Dec 31, 2003 10:28 PM ]
posted on December 31, 2003 11:05:39 PM new
wgm
You cannot imagine how much better I feel after making my decision.
I hate to sound melodramatic, but what I am saying is true. I am totally alone in this, he absolutely will not become involved.
posted on December 31, 2003 11:21:28 PM new
I think my post may have come off wrong, and I apologize if it did. It has certainly been a rough year for you. You are a tough person, and you will make it - wherever you are and whomever you are with
A new year brings change, and things happen for a reason...and it sounds like your new year has brought about growth and renewal...and I am thrilled for you!
I do think of you often, and am glad you are doing better - or will be soon
I know I am hoping the new year will bring some closure to the year I've had...well, I am pretty much determined it will!
Keep in touch!!!
__________________________________
"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to the people who sleep under the very blanket of freedom I provide, and then question the manner in which I provide it. I'd rather you just said 'thank you' and went on your way." - A Few Good Men
posted on December 31, 2003 11:51:38 PM new
Wow! You guys are so kind!
Well I drank some brandy, got myself dizzy/sick drunk and went to bed! Great solution, right? lol! (I dont even drink! Did in my 20ties, but lost the taste for it.) He went "out". ha
I think it being the years end and all that - gets ya to thinking about what you want to change and I've feel I've been 'stuck' for awhile too long. When I feel the "offing way" I try to be grateful for what I have. (Its so very simplistic...like Julie Andrews singing "my favorite things". I know, corny, right? lol....) The scare with my hands and a few other things reminds me to be grateful for my health, too. Because I know some got it bad with things they cant control or change.
Ohh McJane, I know you have it hard with your house getting ruined. I couldnt imagine dealing with all that! God Bless you and bring you strength to get you through it! You sound so very determined I am sure you will. It just sux for now, I know. I was so glad Kiara had asked for you. I think its great you've made up your mind to 'have' a change.
Cheryl, My (ahem) better half runs too, when reality is stressful. And does whacked out things like that too. I once said bring some eggs and he brings like 4 dozen eggs!! Like when are we gonna eat all those eggs?? But I can laugh that stuff off. Its trying to deal with issues that have been there a long time and he wont face them. We've been together for 18 years and separated a few times already. Why I come back, was, for the longest time the biggest mystery to me. But I know much of it is because its not like I want to go out and do the whole dating/finding somebody else thing. So Fenix, I have a partner but I am alone most of the time anyway. But I tell you what, when I was single and on my own, I was much more contented. It gets lonely sometimes, but if you have friends and family its not so bad. At least you dont have anybody dragging into something you dont want.
I've been accused of running and hiding behind this ebay/computer and maybe I do, when I dont want to deal with things either. I supposed we all have our 'shut-down' level. But like you, Cheryl and McJane, I do most everything around here. He brings home the paycheck - but thats about it. Its hard to accept two people travel so far apart, when they are right there together! This is a marriage of convenience, thats about it.
I guess today I just surged tired of the same ole, same ole. But I am starting a new part time job in a few days, so I got some plans in mind .........
hey kp, thanks for the chuckle with the lyrics!!
I hope we all do well with ebay sales if thats is one of the things that brings us some happiness and joy!!
posted on January 1, 2004 11:23:59 AM new
You have to realize that guys don't shop that way just to pizz us off, isn't it because they are the hunters and gatherers?
Seriously, I really think that issues affect guys just as much as us but we forget that they're different than we are and most don't express themselves like us females do. Sometimes our biggest mistake is that we expect them to. Same as many of them expect us to be more like them.
It could be your husband is more overwhelmed than you are over the tragedy, mcjane. Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness.
posted on January 1, 2004 11:25:11 AM new
wgm
No, no, no your post did not come off wrong at all, your right I am tough & I can handle this. I'll get this house built & when it is I will say goodby to Robert & the only regret I have is spending 27 years married & ten years dating him. After we got married the romance was over, I should have bailed out years ago. One good thing we never had any children, Jack & I have two sons.
neroter
Your sounding better already. I hide behind this computer too, it's been my salvation & EO & the posters as well. There is something about coming here & seeing all the familiar names. When I lost my home I came here for comfort & found it. So when your really down, come here, you have many friends that truly care.
posted on January 1, 2004 11:49:58 AM new
McJ - I know about the 7 year itch - both my mother and my step father ended their first marriages at the 7 year mark but apparently there is a 27 year itch too. My mother is in the same inner debate you seem to be in and for the same reason (although if she ever considered remarrying my father I would have her committed) and is in her 27th year. She is even trying to make the final decision soon since they are about to start construction on a new house. Biggest difference is she wants to make the call before they break ground, and you want to wait until completion.
I wish you as much luck as I do my mom - I can't imagine anyone spending their life with someone that does not make them happy.
~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~
If it's really "common" sense, why do so few people actually have it?
posted on January 1, 2004 12:10:58 PM new
I believe that men and women were not meant to live together 24/7/365. Illusion can't survive constant contact, and romance can't survive without illusion.
An occasional absence does wonders for domestic felicity. As I said to what's-his-name just before Christmas, "Dear, please go visit your mother by yourself. Give me a chance to miss you."
posted on January 1, 2004 12:32:34 PM new
Fluffy, you really think all romance is illusion?? hmmmm... Does it takes two to create it and maintain it? Or just one persons illusion?
The hubb is into this Christian science stuff and always telling me :"error is an illusion", blah,blah. I get it on the philosophical level, but applying it seems beyond me.
Kiara, I know men and women are different in the way they handle emotions. I never really went in for all that men are from mars women Venus type stuff only because its so categorical and I think everyone's different according to what they are predisposed/ and or exposed to in their life. Besides, I thought both sexes came along way from where they were with that?
Fenix, I really wonder how many people live a life of quiet desperation? I dont know, but I think there are a lot of people together who probably really dont want to be or should have called it quits before. Venture to say that why there is so much infidelity out there and porn and all that makes so much money.
posted on January 1, 2004 12:47:33 PM new
kiara, I wish, but I don't think so, he's about as laid back as you can be.
When I married him I had the house from my first marriage. I also had some money left to me by my mother & I invested it all in Kugerannds. This was around the time the Russians invaded Afganistan & gold went way up. I sold them, made a lot of money & put a down payment on another house, moved in & rented the first one. sold the new one in five years & made a 50.000 profit & then sold the first house.
I was interested in this house because it was in Concord twp & very secluded, it was also a mess so I got it for a steal. It's a small house one floor with basement, just what I wanted, three bedrooms one bath, LDK & I later added a family room. Over the last 15 years I have changed everything & spent about 80,000 doing it. Never once was Rob involved in any of this, never even offered any input whatsoever. He could care less what I do, he just goes along & if you ask his opinion he will say whatever you want is fine with me & then he goes back to his true love, the TV & sports. You can't even get this guy mad or jealous he's so laid back. I mean he doesn't care about anything. He has no problem at all living in this trailer, I think he likes it, he seems to anyway, has no complaints.
Really, I feel like he's my son & he depends on me to take care of everything & I do, I have no choice.
So no, he is not overwhelmed he is his usual self & jokes that maybe we will be in our new house by next Christmas. I will, but he won't. We don't do anything together anyway, I vacation without him & have spent the last nine Christmases without him, eaby without him. I want a partner, not another son.
In spite of it all he's a nice person, never makes demands, easy to live with, but he is totally dependent, devoid of emotion, he is the product of a strong Mother & a lazy weak Father, he is a carbon copy of his father.
This house is the last straw, I need him so much & he is helpless to take part. He acts like it doesn't involve him. I know nothing did in the past, his choice, but this is different, this is a disaster & his life just goes on as if nothing happened.
posted on January 1, 2004 12:58:15 PM newFluffy, you really think all romance is illusion?
No, I said it can't survive without illusion. Look what happens when you get to know someone completely. What if, as the old song goes, you plumb the depths of his soul and barely get your feet wet?
posted on January 1, 2004 01:33:10 PM new
Wow Mcjane, Your spouse sounds like my first husband. He is a really sweet guy and NOTHING in this world can upset him. After I lost my Mom to cancer, I felt my world needed to change. He liked things the way they were. I saw a counselor for 2 years and even asked him to come with but he refused. I told him I was leaving and he didn't believe me. After I was gone for 6 months he decided to see the counselor but by then it was too late for me.
I stayed single for 10 years and honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life single. I loved the freedom.
In those 10 years I learned a lot about myself and a lot about other people.
One of the things that kept me single for so long was quote from Ann Landers, " It is better to be alone than to wish you were". Many times, in many relationships, I found myself wishing to be alone. When that happened, I would end the relationship.
I have finally remarried and am happy as I could ever imagine being with another person, but this time the big difference is I have learned how to allow my spouse to be who he is and he allows me to be myself. Our number one rule is honesty with self and honesty with others. No judgments, no resentments. We do a lot of talking sometimes before we are comfortable about a situation, but the important thing is we talk! And we are honest with each other.
I'm sure if my first spouse and I could have talked as honestly as my current spouse and myself, we would still be together. It was me that changed thru the years. I was always afraid to be honest with other people about what I was feeling. Fear of rejection? I don't know. But I definitely felt they should be able to read my mind and that is not fair to anyone. It is hard to talk honestly with people sometime. But you have to do it. You can do it now before it is too late, or you can do it thru a lawyer. I've found its much less painful and expensive to do it now <g>
God Bless you McJane and I will be praying for your happiness. May it come in the least painful way for everyone involved. Hugz!!!
posted on January 1, 2004 02:16:38 PM new
After standing behind a store counter for many years and watching the interaction of couples I learned a long time ago why some should take separate vacations and there's nothing wrong with that. I've also seen many women treat their husbands like children. And I've seen couples who openly display no respect for each other.
The parents who allow their sons to return home and move back in whenever anything goes wrong are not helping their sons to be responsible husbands in the future. Most seem to continue to turn to Mommy and Daddy each time they encounter difficulties in their marriage.
How many couples get together because of similar interests and then familiarity breeds contempt? How many couples are attracted to each other because of all the mystery and then they want to change the other person to be just like them so they can do everything together?
you plumb the depths of his soul and barely get your feet wet?
How many people even attempt to do that and then blame the other person?
Hmmm...... looks like men are not contributing to this conversation. What are they thinking, how easy it is for them to be replaced?
posted on January 1, 2004 03:10:31 PM new
lol Kiara...I noticed that too.
Are they reading it and holding back comments? lol Or are men really clueless as to what Women really want??
I have been busy listing today, but reading this thread, it amkes me think women are the actual leaders in the dance. It's like men do not want to touch on the subject of intimacy on an the intellectual or emotional level. (They only want to go there on a sexual level Its almost a rare privilege to get them to divulge some true emotion. I dont think I'll ever understand that...
