posted on August 21, 2001 06:55:00 AM new"Oil Change Instructions for Women"
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with properly maintained ehicle. Money spent: $20.00 for the oil change and $1.00 for the coffee. Total =$21.00
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oil Change Instructions for Men"
1) Go to the auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in backyard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up,poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Dump oil in hole in backyard; cover up hole.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for an additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five quarts of oil. (Luckily you bought a case.)
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail; Get car from impound yard.
50) Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$25.00 beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands
(hey, the colors have to match!!!)
$1,000 bail
$200.00 impound and towing fee
$1,350.00 Total
posted on August 21, 2001 07:10:26 AM new
But, it's fun to do it yourself and save money. Also, the beer cost doesn't count, 'cause I would have drunk that anyway.
Edited because I wrote that without a beer.
[ edited by Tex1 on Aug 21, 2001 07:13 AM ]
posted on August 21, 2001 08:11:52 AM new
LOL
Only in my husband's case 5 guys would be standing around with their beer cans nodding their heads in sage agreement.
posted on August 21, 2001 08:16:33 AM new
Gosh, zilvy, I'm taken aback. No ball-scratching? No hawking and spitting? No pissing through the ring? But at least men seem to swill beer at the same rate other people process oxygen. Maybe they're all Irish, eh?
posted on August 21, 2001 08:35:36 AM newSpaz Whoooo hooo somebody's milk was sour this morning!!! Why do I get the feeling that you have Never changed the oil in your car?
Just balancing the make up thread!!
Go have a spider sammich!
[ edited by zilvy on Aug 21, 2001 08:38 AM ]
posted on August 21, 2001 09:10:32 AM newSPAZ, SPAZ, SPAZ! I know, I know, sales on ebay have not been that great this last couple of weeks but things will get better, honest!! Buck up boobala!!
posted on August 21, 2001 09:19:58 AM new
Zil:
Thanks for the morning chuckle
Can we try to cut down on the spider talk?
I'm afraid to open half the threads on here for fear that one might jump out at me!
ick!!!!!
