posted on May 16, 2002 06:26:00 PM new
Top Ten Things That Would Be Different if Clinton Had Been Our First President;
10. Instead of "President," highest office in the land is called, "Burger King "
9. Indiana and Ohio known as "East and West Bubbaland"
8. Preamble to Constitution contains 23 references to cheese fries
7. His early morning jogs would have been enough to scare off the entire Indian population
6. The first amendment: "You have the right to get, like, totally stoned"
5. Schoolchildren learn about how Clinton chopped down a cherry tree, then ate it
4. The term "Father of Our Country" would have an entirely different meaning
3. Instead of man wearing powdered wig, dollar bill features man holding powdered donut
2. Washington Monument would be anatomically correct
1. Our national bird: the Chicken McNugget
Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Doesn't Give A Damn;
10. Called Russia asking if they need a new spy
9. When people whisper, "Your fly is open," he says, "Yeah, I know"
8. Shoplifts at will, gives finger to security camera
7. If you asked what he had for breakfast and he actually had waffles, he'll say "pancakes" just for the fun of lying
6. He's no longer just fat -- he's now Hugh Rodham fat
5. "Tubby" is selling a copy of the Declaration of Indepence on eBay
4. Doesn't even bother to buy high-quality cigars anymore
3. Recently introduced Playboy playmate as "my lovely wife"
2. Refers to Chappaqua mansion as "the house that dirty pardon money built"
1. Sits in the back of Al Gore's journalism class screaming, "Loser!"
Top Ten Clinton Nicknames for Ben and Jerry Flavors;
10. Slick Willie
9. Chunky Monkey
8. Double Nut Joy
7. Subpoenas 'n' Cream
6. Impeach-Mint
5. Candy Pants
4. Chocolate Chip Doughboy
3. Chilly Hillbilly
2. Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl
1. Vanilla
Top Ten President Clinton Screen Names;
10. PuffyDaddy
9. Luv2Lie
8. BiteMeKen
7. FirstStud
6. ImpeachMe
5. Al-Gore
4. 2Slick4U
3. Who'sHillary?
2. InternDFlower
1. SpockRules
Top Ten Things We Learned From The Clinton Years;
10. That Hee-Haw crap's funny on TV but not in the White House
9. A White House internship provides hands-on experience
8. It's a good idea to replace the Oval Office carpets every once in a while
7. You can jog every day and still be a chunky tub
6. You can have sex without having sex, as long as while you're having sex you don't actually have sex
5. As long as the economy is good, Americans believe anything you tell them
4. Considering his taste in ladies, it's a good bet Bubba's been drunk since '92
3. Hillary looks really hot in those pantsuits
2. You can be Vice President in the most prosperous time in America, run against a dumb guy, get more votes and still lose
1. It's bent
posted on May 16, 2002 08:08:48 PM new
Clinton's Record
250,000 new jobs every month.
In 1994, the economy had the lowest combination of unemployment and inflation in 25 years.
As part of the 1993 Economic Plan, President Clinton cut taxes on 15 million low-income families and made tax cuts available to 90 percent of small businesses, while raising taxes on just 1.2 percent of the wealthiest taxpayers.
President Clinton signed into law the largest deficit reduction plan in history, resulting in over $600 billion in deficit reduction. The deficit is going down for 3 years in a row for the first time since Harry Truman was president.
Fighting Crime and Restoring Our Communities
The President signed into law the Brady Bill, which imposes a five-day waiting period on handgun purchases so that background checks can be done to help keep handguns away from criminals.
The President's Crime Bill will put 100,000 new police officers on the street. More than 1,200 communities have already received grants to hire 27,000 additional officers.
The Crime Bill also punishes criminals by expanding the number of offenses eligible for the death penalty and implementing the "three-strikes-and-you're-out" provision.
And, the Bill banned the manufacture of 19 specific types of deadly assault weapons, while simultaneously protecting hunters' rights by exempting over 650 hunting rifles.
Strengthening Our Families: Security and Opportunity
President Clinton signed the Family and Medical Leave Act. The law, which covers over 42 million Americans, offers workers up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-guaranteed leave for child birth, adoption, or personal or family illness.
President Clinton expanded the Earned Income Tax Credit to cut the taxes of 15 million working families with incomes of $27,000 or less.
President Clinton granted waivers to 25 states -- half the nation -- providing for comprehensive welfare reform demonstrations.
President Clinton ordered the U.S. Justice Department to conduct the first-ever crackdown on deadbeat parents who refuse to accept financial responsibility for their own children.
Signed an Executive Order cracking down on federal employees who owe child support.
Cutting Bureaucracy
President Clinton has already cut the federal bureaucracy by more than 100,000 positions. Under the recommendations of the National Performance Review, the federal bureaucracy will be reduced by 272,000 -- its lowest level since the Kennedy Administration.
And, he reduced the White House staff by 25 percent.
Making Education A Priority
Under the President's Direct Student Loan program, students can borrow money directly from the government at a lower interest rate and with many flexible repayment options, including the option to repay with a percentage of their after-graduation salary. Taxpayers will save at least $4.3 billion over five years.
In 1994, over 20,000 AmeriCorps members tutored students, immunized children, reclaimed urban parks, and patrolled neighborhoods. In return, they earned $4,725 per year of service towards college tuition or job training.
President Clinton signed into law Goals 2000, a national standard of excellence for our public schools. Already, 41 states and territories have received federal grants to raise academic standards and improve schools.
President Clinton's Safe and Drug Free Schools and Community Act and the Safe Schools Act provide funding to schools to fight violence and drug abuse.
Schools can use up to 25 percent of their funds to purchase metal detectors, develop safe zones, and hire school security personnel.
The President's School-to-Work program provides venture capital to spark a nationwide system for moving America's young people from high school to a job with a future. In 1994, all states received planning funds for their school-to-work program.
Charter School legislation signed by President Clinton encourages states and localities to set up public school choice.
Expanding Markets for American Products
The Clinton Administration forged a bipartisan coalition to pass NAFTA, after concluding tough negotiations on side agreements covering workers' rights, the environment, and import surges. Exports to Mexico rose 23 percent in the first 11 months of 1994.
President Clinton led the fight to pass GATT, which lowers tariffs worldwide by $744 billion over ten years -- the largest international tax cut in history. GATT cuts tariffs on manufactured goods by more than one-third overall and eliminates tariffs in major markets in a number of sectors in which the U.S. is particularly competitive.
Protecting Our Environment
Under President Clinton, the EPA launched its "Common Sense Initiative" to make health protection cheaper and smarter by focusing on results rather than one-size-fits-all regulations.
The President's Northwest Forest Plan is putting communities in the Northwest back to work, while conserving ancient forests.
After decades of conflict, the Clinton Administration negotiated a consensus plan to protect California's most valuable natural resource -- its water. The San Francisco and Delta estuary supplies dr inking water to two-thirds of the state's people, provides irrigation for 45 percent of the nation's fruits and vegetables, and sustains 300 aquatic species.
Promoting Security and Freedom Abroad
President Clinton hosted the signing of the Israeli-Palestinian Declaration of Principles in September, 1993, and the signing of the Israeli-Jordan Washington Principles in July, 1994 -- historic agreements between the leaders of Israel and her Arab neighbors to settle differences by peaceful means.
To enhance European security and stability, the Clinton Administration proposed the Partnership for Peace program, offering former Soviet republics and Central/East European states closer ties with NATO. Already, 22 nations have signed on, since NATO's adoption of the program in January, 1994.
As of May, 1994, nuclear missiles in Russia and the United States are no longer targeted against any country. And, as a result of other Clinton Administration efforts, the Ukraine is ahead of schedule in reaching the goal of transferring 1,500 nuclear warheads to Russia for dismantlement.
President Clinton peacefully restored democracy to Haiti, curbing the violence that threatened tens of thousands of Haitians, securing our borders, and upholding our commitments and the commitments made to us in the process.
CREATING ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITY AND SECURITY FOR ALL AMERICANS
Signed the Economic Package, August 10, 1993.
The economy created 7.7 million new jobs in the first 34 months of this Administration.
Passed the largest deficit-cutting plan in history -- saving more than $1 trillion over seven years.
On track for three consecutive years of deficit reduction -- for the first time since Harry Truman.
Cut federal spending by $255 billion over 5 years.
Made new tax cuts available to over 90% of small businesses.
Unemployment has fallen from 7% when President Clinton took office to its current rate of 5.6%
Lowest combined rate of unemployment and inflation since 1968.
1994 real GDP growth was the highest in a decade.
Proposed a plan to balance the budget while protecting critical investments in education.
PROMOTING A FUTURE OF OPPORTUNITY
Increased Head Start funding by almost $760 million.
Passed the Student Loan Reform Act, August 10, 1993.
Implemented the National Service Act, September 21, 1993.
Signed the Goals 2000: Educate America Act, March 31, 1994.
Enacted the School-to-Work Opportunities Act on May 4, 1994.
Signed the Elementary and Secondary Education Act Reauthorization
MAKING COMMUNITIES AND SCHOOLS SAFE FOR OUR FAMILIES
Passed the toughest most comprehensive Crime Bill ever, September 13, 1994
Signed the Brady Bill, November 30, 1993.
Enacted the Assault Weapons Ban as part of the Crime Bill.
Put 100,000 new police on the street -- nearly 31,000 more officers have been funded.
Signed the Violence Against Women Act as part of the Crime Bill.
Signed the Safe and Drug-Free Schools Act, October 20, 1994.
Issued Presidential Directive enforcing a "Zero Tolerance" gun policy in schools, October 22, 1994
Submitted and fought for the most comprehensive Drug Control budget ever.
MAKING GOVERNMENT WORK BETTER AND COST LESS
Already cut the Federal Workforce by over 200,000 -- on the way to lowest level in 30 years.
Abolishing 16,000 pages of obsolete regulations and rewriting 31,000 more pages.
$58 billion in savings are already in the bank. $46 billion in savings are still to come.
Over 180 new recommendations will save $70 billion. Eliminated 284 federal advisory committees.
Developed government-wide Customer Service Standards for the first time.
Appointed the most diverse Cabinet and Administration in history.
Signed the most important federal procurement act ever to streamline government purchasing.
Reformed Pension Benefit Guarantee Corporation to protect 8.5 million pensions.
Signed the Unfunded Mandates Reform Act, March 22, 1995.
CREATING OPPORTUNITY IN AMERICA'S COMMUNITIES
Created nine Economic Empowerment Zones and 95 Enterprise Communities.
Signed the Community Development Banking Financial Institutions Act, Sept. 23, 1994.
Signed the Interstate Banking Bill, September 29, 1994.
Instituted the Defense Reinvestment and Conversion Initiative.
Reformed the Community Reinvestment Act to focus on performance rather than paperwork.
Made the Low-Income Housing Tax Credit and Mortgage Revenue Bond Program permanent.
PROTECTING THE ENVIRONMENT AND OUR PUBLIC HEALTH
Issued a new executive order to require polluters to disclose information to the public and expanded the public's right-to-know about toxic releases.
Launched "reinventing environmental regulation" to cut red tape and better protect public health.
Issued a new standard to cut pollution from chemical plants 90% by 1997.
Signed executive orders to increase recycling and cut pollution in federal buildings.
Signed the California Desert Protection Act, October 31, 1994.
Issued a new standard to cut pollution from incinerators 95%.
Introduced comprehensive Safe Drinking Water and Superfund reforms.
Developed a plan to restore Florida's Everglades.
Ended decades of conflict over the allocation of California Bay-Delta water.
PROMOTING HEALTH CARE FOR ALL AMERICANS
Passed the Family and Medical Leave Act, February 5, 1993.
Signed a comprehensive Child Immunization Plan.
Revoked the Reagan/Bush restrictions on abortion counseling ("the gag rule", abortions in military hospitals, "Mexico City" policy and RU-486 imports.
Increased Ryan White CARE Act funding for outpatient AIDS care over 100% in first 3 budgets.
Put the Women, Infants and Children Program (WIC) on a full-funding path.
Increased funding 65% for breast cancer research.
As part of the balanced budget plan, introduced health care reform initiative which strengthens Medicare and expands coverage.
Proposed a $1.3 billion increase in veterans' benefits -- of which $1 billion will be directed to the VA health system to provide treatment for 43,000 more
veterans.
PRESERVING AND STRENGTHENING OUR FAMILIES
Expanded the Earned Income Tax Credit providing tax relief for 15 million working families.
Introduced the Work and Responsibility Act - comprehensive welfare reform.
Passed the Family Support and Preservation Program.
Passed major funding increases for homeless programs in both Houses.
Approved 35 waivers to states permitting comprehensive welfare reform demonstrations.
Collected a record $10 billion in child support through enforcement in 1994.
Signed the Social Security Independent Agency Act.
Increased adoption and foster care funds by almost $600 million from 1994-1995.
RESTORING TRUST IN OUR GOVERNMENT
Signed the National Voter Registration Act (Motor-Voter), May 20, 1993.
Eliminated the tax deduction for lobbying expenses.
Imposed strictest Administration ethics guidelines in history.
Barred top officials from becoming foreign lobbyists after leaving government.
Signed the Lobbying Disclosure Act of 1995 -- the first overhaul of lobbying rules in 50 years.
Fought for passage of and signed into law the Congressional Accountability Act, January 22, 1995.
Fought for passage of line-item veto and campaign finance.
OPENING FOREIGN MARKETS TO AMERICAN GOODS
Signed NAFTA into law, December 8, 1993, which will create hundreds of thousands of US jobs.
Signed GATT into law, December 8, 1994, the largest trade agreement in history.
Secured free-trade commitments from Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) leaders.
Hosted Summit of the Americas and agreed to negotiate a Free Trade Area of the Americas by 2005.
Developed National Export Strategy, eliminating outdated export controls on $35 billion in exports.
Opened 15 different market sectors in Japan ranging from telecommunications procurement to rice.
Reached historic agreement with Japan on opening its automotive market to billions of dollars worth of American cars and parts.
Reached agreement with China to provide intellectual property rights protection for billions of dollars worth of U.S. exports.
AMERICAN LEADERSHIP
Helped Israel and Jordan achieve an historic peace treaty and Israel and the Palestinians fulfill their historic accord.
Contributed to an historic cease-fire in Northern Ireland.
Restored democratically elected Haitian President Aristide to power; will continue to stop the flow of refugees to Florida.
Undertook, with NATO allies and UN, military and diplomatic actions to alleviate the suffering and lead the effort to broker a comprehensive peace agreement in Bosnia.
Russian nuclear missiles are no longer pointed at our cities.
Persuaded Ukraine, Belarus and Kazakhstan to give up the nuclear weapons left on their land when the Soviet Union collapsed.
Agreed to framework with North Korea that freezes and leads to the eventual elimination of North Korea s dangerous nuclear program.
Led the international effort to secure the indefinite and unconditional extension of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT) further reducing the danger of nuclear proliferation around the world.
Working to prevent nuclear weapons from ending up in the hands of terrorists or international criminals.
Air-lifted more than half a ton of vulnerable, highly enriched uranium, enough to make dozens of nuclear bombs, from Kazakhstan to safe storage.
Assisted South Africa's transition to democracy, providing support for elections and development.
Bringing the nations of Europe closer:
-- Modernizing NATO;
-- Working with Russia;
-- Reforming the former Soviet Union economies
Waging a tough counter-terrorism campaign with stronger laws and more training for law enforcement. Maintaining strong sanctions against states that sponsor terrorism and defy the rule of rule, such as Iran, Iraq, Libya and Sudan. Sent our planes, ships and troops to turn back a new Iraqi threat to the Persian Gulf.
=====================================
The Clinton Economic Legacy
Moving from Budget Deficits to Historic Surpluses: Economic strategy of fiscal discipline
combined with investing in the American people moved the economy from a record deficit -- $290 billion in 1992 -- to the largest dollar surplus on record -- $167 billion in 2000. On track to eliminate the Nation's publicly held debt by 2013.
21.6 Million New Jobs: 21.6 million new jobs -- the most created by any Administration and more new jobs than were created from 1981-1992. The economy has added an average of 248,000 jobs per month, the highest of any President on record.
Low Unemployment: Fallen to 3.9%, the lowest in more than three decades. Unemployment rates for African Americans and Hispanic Americans are both at historic lows, while the unemployment rate for women is the lowest since 1953. Unemployment has remained below 5% for 34 months in a row.
Strong Economic Growth: Averaged 3.9% per year since President Clinton and Vice President Gore took office, after growing just 1.7% per year from 1988-1992. In February 2000, the United States entered the 107th consecutive month of economic expansion -- the longest economic expansion in history.
Strong Private-Sector Growth: Increased 4.4% annually since 1993. Since 1993, 19.7 million new jobs have been created in the private sector - the highest percentage since Harry S. Truman was President and presiding over post-World War II demobilization.
Expanding Trade to Strengthen Our Economy: Opening markets for U.S. exports abroad and creating American jobs through NAFTA, GATT and nearly 300 other free and fair trade agreements. Opening foreign markets has contributed to the 62 percent increase in American exports since 1992.
Lower Government Spending: At 18.7%, Federal Government spending as a share of the Gross Domestic Product is at its lowest level since 1974.
Low Inflation: Underlying core rate at 1.9% in 1999 -- the lowest rate since 1965. In the last four quarters the GDP price index has risen 1.3% -- the lowest rate of increase since 1963.
Real Hourly Wages Up: Grown 6.8% under the Clinton-Gore Administration. In the last 12 months, average hourly earnings have increased 3.7%, faster than the rate of inflation. The U.S. has had 5 consecutive years of real wage growth, the longest consecutive increase since the 1960s.
Higher Median Family Income: Increased by $5,046 since 1993 -- rising from $41,691 in 1993 to $46,737 in 1998.
Lowest Federal Tax Rates in a Generation: A four-person family with the median income of $54,900 paid the lowest share of their income in income and payroll taxes since 1966.
Reduced Welfare Rolls: Welfare rolls are down by 7.2 million (or 51%) since 1993, after increasing by 22% from 1981-1992. This is the largest welfare caseload decline in history, and the lowest number of people on welfare since 1969.
Declining Child Poverty: Under President Clinton and Vice President Gore, the child poverty rate has declined from 22.7% to 18.9% -- the biggest 5-year drop in nearly 30 years (1965-1970). For African American children poverty is the lowest on record; for Hispanic children it is the lowest since 1980.
Highest Homeownership Rate: In 1999, the homeownership rate was 66.8% -- the highest ever recorded. Minority homeownership rates were also the highest ever recorded.
More Auto Industry Jobs: 161,000 new auto jobs added since 1993 -- the fastest annual rate of auto job growth (2.6%) since the Johnson Administration.
Growing Construction Industry: 2.0 million new construction jobs added since 1993 -- the fastest annual rate of growth (5.2%) in 50 years.
-- With thanks to Mr. Borland
In addition to the points above, it's worth noting that his deficit reduction passage-which Republicans forecast would destroy the economy-passed without a single Republican vote, and after the Newt Gingrich-inspired "train wreck" budget fiasco of 1995, the Republicans never won a single budget battle. Not one. So prepare to be unimpressed when they try to credit Congress with the economic boom of the '90s.
In addition to a stunning performance with the economy, Clinton has compiled several other remarkable achievements.
The Clinton Social Legacy
Cleanest administration since Teddy Roosevelt: To hear the right wingers, Clinton ran the dirtiest admin in American history. They like to use that to excuse their own moral and legal failings. Not only has the Clinton administration had less convictions and forced resignations than any other two-term administration this century, but less than any single-term administration. Only one member of his cabinet resigned for malfeasance, and he was eventually convicted on a misdemeanor.
Most Peaceful Administration since Hoover: No battle deaths, and our only military action of significance was as part of the joint NATO action against Sloboden Milosevic.
Most popular second-term President ever: He not only maintains record high levels of job performance ratings from the general public, but he is the only President since 1826 to have his party actually GAIN seats in the House in the off-year election in his second term.
Extraordinary peace-keeping efforts: No one man can save the world, but Clinton came a lot closer than anyone else, successfully brokering peace and a feasible settlement in Ireland, and bringing Israel and Palestine to the brink of peace.
Stopped the far-right takeover of the United States dead in its tracks: Anyone remember the "Contract with America"? Of course not. It went nowhere. Clinton turned back efforts to smash PBS and NPR and the National Endowment for the Arts. He stopped the anti-choice crowd from banning late-term abortions, regardless of what such a ban would do for the health of the mothers. He vetoed an endless parade of schemes by the wealthy republicans to feather their nests at the expense of the American people. He prevented several attempted raids on social security by the right with the intent to destroying it.
Crime: Violent crime is down nearly 50% since he took office. While much of that was just good timing, the fact is he saw this reduction without turning us into a police state in the process.
Environment: He stopped the catastrophic slide of environmental protection into a android nightmare where the rich and powerful could dictate environmental protection by virtue of being rich and powerful.
Working class: He got the minimum wage raised twice, stopping the slide in real earnings for regular Americans. He also got the Medical Leave Act through, and got the law changed so working-class Americans weren't wholly dependent on the mood of the boss for medical coverage.
Government waste: Without sacrificing services to the needy, reduced government costs to 18.7 cents on the GDP dollar: the lowest it's been since the 1920s, and lower than it was in 1820.
So the next time some pig-ignorant Dittohead snarls about how Clinton ruined the country with his endless scandals and mismanagement, push this in his face and find out if he knows how to read.
And then give him a big, wet kiss, because it was the quality of Clinton's enemies that made so many of his accomplishments possible.
sp.
[ edited by Borillar on May 16, 2002 08:18 PM ]
posted on May 16, 2002 08:26:12 PM new
that's what's funny I am not a republican. and I don't hate democrats. I just like an even playing field. something that went away here at the rt. or should I say pushed away
but i am american
posted on May 16, 2002 08:32:36 PM new
25 Years from Now, when whomever is President (Chelsea?), Clinton Bashing will still be popular with "Bitter" Republicans.
posted on May 16, 2002 08:41:32 PM new
Hey I say it's about time to do a little Clinton bashing here in the RT and I plan on doing more.
Why, because he gave us so many reasons for it.
Edited to add;
And because Clinton bashing never has been done here in the RT to the extent that Bush bashing is done. The RT used to be a place to kick back, tell a joke, share a story, write a poem, make a friend. The "bitter" Democrats that have been posting here have been asking for it and I am going to give it to them.
[ edited by yellowstone on May 17, 2002 09:03 AM ]
posted on May 16, 2002 08:55:06 PM new
Barring the above list of accomplishments, I am not toally pleased with Clinton. He signed NAFTA, which is a document created by Satan himself. I can't imagine why he signed it, since it is anti-American in nearly every respect. There are also other things that made me not wholey like him as President. But, Ghod! Compare him to this illegally appointed one we have now! I mean, Clinton is a SAINT cleared straight for Heaven compared to this dastard (that's a word, isn't it? The root of 'dastardly'?) When Bush and his cronies are hung from the very same Texas gallows that he supports so strongly, then we will have peace here at the RT.
posted on May 17, 2002 09:03:57 PM new
And here’s some more;
Top Ten Signs President Clinton is Renting the Vacation House Next to Yours;
10. Front lawn littered with what appears to be pages of a health-care plan.
9. You keep finding Roger Clinton passed out in your backyard.
8. License plate on his dune buggy: HILBILY 1
7. What you thought was a lawn gnome next door turns out to be Warren Christopher.
6. One day he stops by and asks to borrow a cup of sugar and a foreign policy.
5. You open your freezer to find that your hamburgers have been taken and replaced with
Presidential Medals of Honor.
4. Rusty old stealth bomber on cinder blocks in front yard.
3. The guy doing yardwork there looks an awful lot like Al Gore.
2. Swimming trunks on clothes line bigger than a circus tent.
1. Your local McDonalds is out of fries.
Top Ten Good Things About Having President Clinton As Your Cellmate
10. Finally, the connection you've needed to meet your hero, Roger Clinton.
9. That Bubba makes one mean license plate.
8. You guys are a cinch to win the big health care debate against rival prison.
7. His doughy folds of back fat are a great place to hide cigarettes.
6. His stories of life with Hillary make you appreciate how good things are in prison.
5. If you're caught breaking out, he's got a great definition of "escape."
4. Thanks to constitutional loophole, you're fourth in line for the warden.
3. Hilarious "Uh oh, is that Barney Frank?" joke he always makes in the showers.
2. Tell him there's a Wendy's outside the prison wall and he'll dig a tunnel in 20 minutes.
1. Four words: care packages from Monica.
Top Ten Bill Clinton Future Plans
10. Hire relationship counselor; see if he and Monica can give it another shot
9. Run for Mayor of Austin and bring back the hookers!
8. Just enjoy being a regular U.S. citizen with round-the-clock Secret Service and a $200,000 a year severance
7. Every morning check classifieds for job openings under "Presidents"
6. Get bitchin' Camaro, cruise around Chappaqua for lonely housewives
5. Wait till statute of limitations runs out, admit everything
4. Tell Bush, "No, you take over " stay President
3. Same thing he did back in Arkansas -- eat Crisco while watching reruns of "Bonanza"
2. Call Al Gore, ask for "Lou Zer," hang up
1. Two words: Temptation Island
Top Ten President Clinton Tips for Keeping the Romance in Your Marriage
10. Make sure every hundredth woman you sleep with is your wife.
9. No matter how tasty it looks, don't eat her lipstick.
8. Buy her FTD's "Sorry About My Many Affairs" bouquet.
7. Remember, your kisses taste sweeter when your mouth is full of donuts.
6. Renew each other's membership in the Air Force One mile-high club.
5. Take Paula Jones off your speed dial.
4. Keep gaining weight until each of your thighs is the size of Leonardo DiCaprio.
3. Candle-lit dinner at local "Hooters."
2. Try not to preface sex with, "All right, let's get this over with."
1. A little dab of ketchup behind each ear.
posted on May 21, 2002 01:08:53 PM new
Breihold....Why?? BECAUSE They COULD NOT Get him out of Office..Not that they Did Not Try... But it failed, and let's Face it Failed Miserably.. "Bitter" Democrats Hope to NOT make the Same Mistake with Junior... and They won't.
posted on May 21, 2002 05:39:38 PM new
yellowstone, the problem with those sort of lists is that they work well for those who either have never seen one before or have a short attentions span - take your pick. That list is a modified one that used to be passed around for decades about Jimmy Carter. While some entries have been updated, ones like "8. License plate on his dune buggy: HILBILY 1" are from the Carter era as well as the Rodger Clinton (whoever that is) one. The Republicans started the Attack-the Family stuff back then with Jimmy's brother Jimmy who drank too much.
Still, no matter how re-used the list is, nor whatever criticisms it contains, it never will surpass the Greatness of the Clinton Presidency.
