posted on June 29, 2002 08:38:36 PM new
A family member needs serious help with his grown daughter, if it's possible, who probably does have anorexia nervosa. Below is his latest message to me. Do you have any advice for him? (Thanks in advance for any help you can give us/him.) Here is his message:
You asked why I was worried about Mary. First, let me apologize for mistakenly believing that I'd
filled you in on her before. I must have only confided in my sister. Mary is 39 years old, 5
ft. 8 inches tall and has weighed less than 100 pounds. I believe that is where she is now,
though she will no longer tell me. From the way she has talked about her weight, I've strongly
suspected that she may have anorexia nervosa. While she and I disagree on that point, the
facts support my belief that she is anorexic.
Our disagreement on this point has cost me much of what used to be a close relationship. But
what brought this to a head was something Mary revealed to me at a birthday party last Sunday.
She has developed a heart murmur. In the past I've gotten on my high horse and condemned her
weight loss as being life threatening. That it affects internal organs as well as her muscle mass.
Now I believe that it has done just that.
I've been unable to get any of the other family members to confront her on this. My sister in law
is a psychologist and tells me that, under these conditions, there is little I can do. So all I do is
sit around and worry.
posted on June 29, 2002 09:10:00 PM new
I have worked with anorexics and bulimics. It's unusual at her age tho', but possible. She is definitely at risk of cardiac arrest and her electrolytes are most likely screwed up. Her thinking is seriously distorted.
Depending on state law, she may be able to get involuntarily admitted if put in front of a judge. e.g. in NY, no, in FL, yes.
NYS Psychiatric Institute at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in Manhattan used to have a long term treatment unit which is free because they do studies. They actually helped some using antidepressants and behavior therapy, psychotherapy, etc. I used to run a multi-family group there, and I'm afraid to say that families are inclined to be major enablers in that they allow the patient/child to be the parent.
I don't know if the unit is still there, but it is worth looking into.
At her age I would rule out amphetamine, alcohol and other substance abuse as well ass other psychiatric conditions.
More details are needed but if she is not seeking help, which she probably isn't, and local law can't get her involuntarily admitted, prognosis is not good.
There must be parent support & advocacy groups for parents of anorexics.
They could possibly reframe her condition as that of the heart murmur which would require hospital observation.
posted on June 29, 2002 10:12:04 PM new
nycyn- Although much of your advice seems to be accurate, I really am quite surprised at your statement that "At her age I would rule out amphetamine, alcohol and other substance abuse as well as other psychiatric conditions." Not only have I known several people of that age or older with those conditions, particularly alcoholism and psychiatric problems, but at any age amphetamine or cocaine use can lead to severe weight loss. Is that what you meant to say?
Roadsmith- an intervention is called for ASAP!
posted on June 29, 2002 11:46:49 PM new
One would suspect that unless the father is a total twit the signs of cocaine use or amphetamines would be obvious if she uses enough to have such strong physical signs. But if he is unsophisticated or rarely sees her it is possible.
Sure you have to get some health professionals involved - but I will say at the risk of you finding it offensive that this is a perfect example of where a good private investigator is well worth the money. He can probably confirm what the problem is and with whom she associates - etc in 3 or 4 days for less than $500 a day. (Unless you are in a real expensive area)
posted on June 29, 2002 11:57:09 PM new
I have great sympathy for that father to watch his daughter waste away. I don't know how or what I would do. He needs to find a support group and quickly for himself and there he will find the help he needs. Some churches have them and you usually don't have to be members. If there is an Assembly of God Church around where you live look and see if they have help. Most hospitals have support groups also. Have him call them, but do it soon, as time waits for no one. Good Luck
posted on June 30, 2002 06:05:52 AM new
She needs to see a doctor immediately. Her weight loss could be due to causes other than anorexia nervosa and just as serious. Nycyn has given you some very good advice. Focus right now on getting a medical diagnosis. Don't rely at this point on what she wants to do because her thinking is probably affected by electrolite embalance or depression that may accompany anorexia nervosa and other diseases. Involuntary commitment. may be the only way to get her to a medical facility of any kind.
Before I was diagnosed with diabetes, I had lost so much weight that I appeared to have anorexia nervosa. There are a myriad of causes for severe weight loss and most are very serious.
posted on June 30, 2002 05:08:11 PM new
Get medical advice. If possible, find someone who she respects and have them convince/accompany her to a doctor.
posted on June 30, 2002 07:49:18 PM new
I appreciate so much all of your advice here! I've made notes and will be passing it on to my cousin. This young woman we're talking about is married and has two children, by the way. I'm not sure if her husband has been approached about the problem; I'm assuming he has and is well aware of it but will mention it to my cousin anyway.
