posted on March 8, 2003 03:04:29 PM new
>The following was allegedly posted very briefly on the
>McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who
>obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
>course, does not have a sense of humor and made the
>web department take it down immediately, and, for
>once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a
>read too. . . .
>
>McDonnell Douglas Survey:
>
>Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military
>aircraft. In order to protect your new investment,
>please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
>registration card below. Answering the survey
>questions is not required, but the information will
>help us to develop new products that best meet your
>needs and desires.
>1.
> [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms.
> [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen.
> [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
>
>First Name:
>...........................................
>Initial:
> Last
>Name:..............................................
>Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
>Code
>
>Name:..............................................
>Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
>
>2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
> [_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle
> [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth
> [_] Classified
>
>3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
>20......./......./......
>
>4. Serial Number:.....................................
>
>5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
>[_] Received as gift/aid package
>[_] Catalogue/showroom
>[_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order
>[_] Discount store [_] Government surplus
>[_] Classified
>
>6. Please indicate how you became aware of the
>McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
>[_]Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display
>[_]Espionage [_] Recommended by friend /relative/ally
>[_]Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked
>by one
>
>7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most
>influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell
>Douglas product:
>
>[_] Style/appearance [_] Speed/maneuverability
>[_] Price /value [_] Comfort/convenience
>[_] Kickback/bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson
>[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
>[_]Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics
>[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
>
>8. Please indicate the location(s) where this
>product will be used:
>[_]North America [_] Iraq [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft
>carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe[_]Iraq [_] Middle East(not
>Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia /Far East
>[_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq
>[_] Classified [_]Iraq
>
>9. Please indicate the products that you currently
>own or intend to purchase in the near future:
>[_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD
>Player
>[_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle
>[_] Home Computer [_]Nuclear Weapon
>
>10. How would you describe yourself or your
>organization? (Indicate all that apply):
> [_] Communist/Socialist
> [_] Terrorist
> [_] Crazed
> [_] Neutral
> [_] Democratic
> [_] Dictatorship
> [_] Corrupt
> [_] Primitive/Tribal
>
>11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas
>product?
> [_] Deficit spending
> [_] Cash
> [_] Suitcases of cocaine
> [_] Oil revenues
> [_] Personal check
> [_] Credit card
> [_] Ransom money
> [_] Traveler's check
>
>12. Your occupation:
> [_] Homemaker
> [_] Sales / marketing
> [_] Revolutionary
> [_] Clerical
> [_] Mercenary
> [_] Tyrant
> [_] Middle management
> [_] Eccentric billionaire
> [_] Defense Minister/General
> [_] Retired
> [_] Student
>
>13. To help us better understand our customers, please
>indicate the interests and activities in which you and
>your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
>[_] Golf [_] Boating/sailing [_] Sabotage
>[_] Running/jogging [_] Propaganda/misinformation
>[_] Destabilization/overthrow
>[_] Defaulting on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts
>[_] Black market/smuggling [_]Collectibles/collections
>[_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines
>[_] Interrogation/torture [_] Household pets
>[_] Crushing rebellions [_]Espionage/reconnaissance
>[_] Fashion/clothing [_] Border disputes
>[_]Mutually Assured Destruction
>
>Thank you for taking the time to fill out this
>questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market
>studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
>better in the future - as well as allowing you to
>receive mailings and special offers from other
>companies, governments, extremist groups, and
>mysterious consortia.
>As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
>registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert
>Thunder Sweepstakes!
>Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
>Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
>Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division
>
>IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the
>individual addressee(s) named above and may contain
>information that is confidential privileged or
>unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low
>self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious
>beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient,
>any dissemination, distribution or copying of this
>email is not authorized (either explicitly or
>implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
>pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in
>its correct context somewhere other than in this
>warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use
>and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the
>transmission of this email, although the kelpie next
>door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
>Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the
>unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no
>hidden message revealed by reading this warning
>backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from
>Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of
>salt around yourself and your computer, you can ensure
>that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have
>received this email in error, please add some nutmeg
>and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40
>minutes.
Sniping works up a thirst"
