With each passing day, more and more Americans resign themselves to the thought of impending war. In fact, we've basically stopped preparing for war with Iraq and started looking more closely at North Korea. We tend to think of the war with Iraq as being over already. Hell, we won it once, there's no reason to think we're not going to win it again. Iraq isn't really much of a country. It's basically Saddam, his cabinet, and a whole bunch of really scared Arabs running around and starving to death. Someone should tell them they'd starve to death a little slower if they didn't wear themselves out running around...
The point is, Iraq doesn't offer much in the way of an enemy. North Korea, on the other hand, now there's a country worth worrying about! They have nuclear capabilities and they seem to be convinced that they're far enough away from us that they could use them and not suffer any real consequences. These guys are itching to fight. They'll take any excuse they can get to start shooting people. You can't send them a birthday card without it being declared an act of war by their council of most honorable elders, or whoever calls the shots over there. Frankly, I think they're getting a little cocky for people with only half a country. We may have to go in there and smack them around a little until they learn that if the name of your nation includes a direction, you're not big enough to rumble with the U.S.
My thoughts had been on North Korea for some time, with little regard for Iraq, until this caught my eye:
IRAQ has denied eleven rocket warheads designed to carry chemical agents are part of a secret arms program. A United Nations team found the warheads at an Iraqi ammunition depot overnight, but a senior Iraqi official denied that they were chemical weaponry or banned. General Amin, whose agency works with the inspectors, said, "It is neither chemical, neither biological. It is empty warheads. It is small artillery rockets. It is expired rockets, and they were forgotten without any intention to use them."
I'm sorry, could you run that by me one more time? They forgot about eleven warheads that were built for the specific purpose of carrying chemical weapons? That's not something you forget! The formula for computing the volume of a rhombus, that's something you forget! At first I was slightly against starting the war with Iraq so quickly, then I grudgingly accepted its inevitability and started focusing on other issues. Now I think we should go in there and spank them silly just on sheer principle! Where does Iraq, one of the most easily and frequently #*!@-slapped nations in the world, get the balls to say that they "forgot" about eleven rockets?! After all the years that Iraq worked to keep out U.N. inspectors, to then uncover something like this just sitting in boxes is more than a little insulting. Come on, Iraq! You've had all this time to hide your #*!@! For shame!
And since when was "we forgot" an acceptable excuse in international politics? Iraq has to have some nerve to have weapons laying around like that and try to blame it on a brain fart. What are we supposed to say to that? Do they expect us to say it's okay? "Oh, they just forgot about the chemical weapon-delivering warheads they said they didn't have. Hey, it happens to the best of us, don't worry about it." Then next week we'll find out that they "forgot" about a laboratory deep within the earth where horrible experiments are being conducted to create a race of super intelligent gorillas and -BAM! There's a damn dirty ape planting an Iraqi flag on top of the Capitol Hill! Can you imagine history if America considered "we forgot" to be a useable diplomatic strategy?
Franklin Roosevelt: "Say, Adolf, I heard something about you killing six million Jews. You don't have any death camps, do you?"
Hitler: "Uh... no."
Roosevelt: "What about those camps over there?"
Hitler: "Oh, those death camps! Yeah, sorry, I forgot."
Roosevelt: "Hey, don't worry about it. It's cool."
John F. Kennedy: "Khrushchev, my guys are telling me there are some crazy silo-looking things in Cuba."
Khrushchev: "Dude, there totally aren't. I don't know what your guys are talking about."
Kennedy: "Look, I have these pictures that show missile silos and I think... yep, they're in Cuba."
Khrushchev: "Oh! Yeah, we do have silos there. I forgot. My bad."
Kennedy: "Hey, no biggie."
Pretty scary stuff. If forgetfulness was a good excuse in those scenarios, today we'd be living in a Jew-less, post-apocalyptic Commie world. That's why we have to send a message to the Iraqis to get them to stop digging their hole any deeper. Luckily, I'm in a message-sending mood, so I put together the following note:
Dear Iraq,
Think back to the Gulf War. I've seen tennis matches that lasted longer than you guys did once we sent in ground troops. You're not going to win this one. If I were in your position, I'd be writing letters asking America to make the ass-kicking swift and relatively painless. Instead, you're just making it worse for yourselves. It's bad enough that we found the rockets. You'll definitely get a good, solid bombing for that. But saying that you forgot about them? Now you're just being a d!ck. If there's one thing that you should understand about American foreign policy, it's that no one gets to be a d!ck but us. If we say we'll stay out of your airspace, and the next day you spot the 162nd B-52 bomber squadron doing barrel rolls over Baghdad, we get to say, "oops, we forgot." That's the privilege we earned by whooping a lot of ass in a lot of wars. If our President gets drunk and moons you, it's too bad, because we're America. We can get away with that sort of crap. No one else can, especially you.
Love,
America
Now, I don't pretend to understand the minds of foreign diplomats, but I think that this letter would get the point across. Having warheads is bad. Having warheads and lying about them is worse. Having warheads, lying about them, and then coming up with a lame excuse to cover your asses is just asking for it.
"Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Harry Thompson
[ edited by wgm on Apr 1, 2003 07:32 AM ]
posted on April 1, 2003 10:35:53 AM new
Why is "I forgot" not a good excuse?
We were going to do something about the hostage crisis where Americans were held for over a year in Iran. What did we do? I forgot.
We were going to do something about the first bombing of the World Trade Center. What did we do? I forgot.
We were going to do something about the bombing of the Marine base in Beirut that killed almost 300 Marines. What did we do? I forgot.
We were going to do something about the bombing of the Cole in Yemen. What did we do? I forgot.
We were going to do something about the assassination of an American ambassador by Yasser Arafat in 1973. What did we do? I forgot. Oh no, I didn't. I remember. We pronounced him the legitimate leader of the Palestinian people and are discussing giving him his own state. Just what the world needs now. A 23rd repressive state, filled with hatred for Americans and suicide bombers.
So why isn't "I forgot" a valid excuse? America uses it all the time.
posted on April 1, 2003 01:06:05 PM new
Hey Dude you were supposed to take the 10 megaton nuke off the rail on that B-1 and put on a bunker buster before she flew.
posted on April 3, 2003 12:30:44 AM new
Those aren't American "I forgots"... those were "need to knows" - you didn't need to know so you don't... but I think I understand why you think you forgot about something you never knew about....I think... but now I don't know... I forgot.
As for this Gulf War I and Gulf War II stuff... nope...I can't buy into that... this is a continuance of the actions (or unresolved actions) in 1991... where we pulled back after slapping his silly ass and gave him a chance to straighten up... he didn't... Saddam just left the door open and kept inviting us back to "play". What a moron.
Note... Bubba "forgot" to do anything about it for eight (count them... 1,2,3,4,5,sex,7,ate) years. Think it had something to do with manhood...like the cute frog in the blender from Joe Cartoon: "no balls".... he didn't "forget"... he had other things "pressing". So he let Saddam continue to oppress and kill his own people. Hey, no money in it for Democrat Bubba to put in his pocket so why bother?
Re-emerge the "balls of diplomacy"... an outstanding President that stands for what America is... a proud nation. So now we see "Bush's Best Desert Baked Bombs" being served with high tech accuracy and HEAPING servings on Saddam and his gorillas... yeah... the ones underground. Hey, better late than never.
SADDAM
Ever notice if you turn that around it becomes:
MADDAS
Where else would he get that name? It's fitting anyway... definitely a madass.
As a superpower (THE superpower), I think America is addressing this with great resolve... hell... a few well-placed small yield tactical battlefied nuclear or neutron weapons could have taken care of the situation on a sunny afternoon....like a walk in the park; the media and armchair "don't remember #*!@" generals would be proud but at a loss on what else to report on or #*!@ about.
Of course stocks in glass factories would go down due to the increase in recyclable glass from the heat-fused sand in the desert after the nuke blasts.
We have some older nuclear weapons in our inventory that really need to be expended so there is more storage space for the next generation weapons. Why not sound the 2-minute warning... give the players 7 days to clear the field and open up the United States Department of Energy (Iraq) Saddam Hussein Memorial High Enery Weapons Re-proving Ground...or Hole. This would "open" up oil pits similar to the Brea Tar Pits, become an International Tourist Attraction in 100 years and would also let North Korea see what a REAL Nuclear Power can do.
As for North Korea... I hope they will re-read the end of WWII history and try, just TRY to learn after the FIRST nuclear weapon we deliver is dropped that they can surrender BEFORE the next wipes out another of their cities. That would save tremendously on body count, memorials and endless red tape of "collateral damage" in a second city. Oh... there is no collateral damage in nuclear war... just wide open spaces. Wait... how many big cities does North Korea have? We might only need to drop HALF of a nuke.... get a clue North Korea!
What's that famous quote? Diplomacy... walk softly and carry a big stick? Well... the stick is swinging. Watch its wrath... especially the back swing... its a killer.
While I'm on a rant... sounds like we need to overfly and drop a nuclear "dud" on the French coast... stir up some #*!@ right back at them... kind of like the Thule, Greenland thingy in the 1950s. Anyone really think that was an "accident"? Probably was.. but... man makes mechanical things... mechanical things breakdown... (even with outstanding maintenance as given by our outstanding troops - I used to be one) and I can picture a "national incident" of an overflight of France (since we had to fly around Turkey) and the accidental dropping of a nuke... that has no nuclear material or warhead... just an inert practice nuke... that's enough to make the point and raise a million "what ifs" from France and the rest of the spineless UN. "Oh... that... well... when the bombadier was practicing his training bomb run he "forgot" the bomber was ferrying a training weapon across the big lake." Sorry.... <evil &#^@%&* grin>.
And the UN... what the hell do we need them for? We Don't! They need us! They need us to police the world at their beck-and-call; they need us to fork over Zillions of hard-earned American taxpayer dollars to help every friggin' micro-country in the world... Lord help if there's life somewhere OFF this planet... we'll pick up that tab too.
I say it's time to pull in ALL debts from ALL nations... cut the diplomacy... it only works if your trying to fleece the taxpayers.. and that don't work as well as they think... if we are going to police and pay money to these nations then they should BE OUR TERRITORIES!
Besides... we need more land to put the low-life criminals from our overcrowded prisons in.
Prisons... deserts... hmmm... what a concept... better yet, GLASS-WALLED SUBTERRAINIAN CHIC (or formerly SHIEK) PRISONS... now that's the answer!!
By the way... the U.S. never uses "dirty bombs"... those munitions maintenance technicians keep them dusted, spit-polished clean and ready to go.
ALL NATIONS: U.S.A. NOW OFFERING FREE EXPRESS DELIVERY OF WEAPONS OF ALL TYPES... when it just has to be there overnight. We'll even through in "delivery confirmation" at no extra charge! Sorry, no pick-and-choose on this special...
Wonder what Nastradamus says about all of this? I'll have to look it up. It's there you know.
Well, if you've made it this far you either think I am crazy or you recognize that I am a retired military veteran, and a staunch Republican. If you guessed the first, you must be non-American.
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!
BACK THE ATTACK - FREE IRAQ
"We now return you to your scheduled program - already in progress."
[ edited by RetroBargains on Apr 3, 2003 12:45 AM ]
