posted on April 17, 2003 07:53:25 PM new
"All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle Easterners." —Jay Leno
"CNN reports that when they broke in Uday Hussein's palace they found pornography, cigars and pictures of President Bush's twin daughters. I'm sorry, that was Bill Clinton's apartment." —Jay Leno
We got one in the win column this week. Of course, questions remain about this war: How long our soldiers will stay? How long before democracy takes hold? How long before those statues of Hussein turn up on eBay?" —Bill Maher
"U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said he thinks the arms inspectors should resume looking for weapons in Iraq. Hey, forget arms in Iraq, how about looking for some backbone in the U.N.?" —Jay Leno
"U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said he thinks the arms inspectors should resume looking for weapons in Iraq. Hey, forget arms in Iraq, how about looking for some backbone in the U.N.?" —Jay Leno
"Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down." —Craig Kilborn
"Tonight President Bush warned there are still pockets of resistance. There are still people fighting: Barbara Streisand, the Dixie Chicks, Susan Sarandon." —Jay Leno
"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard." —David Letterman
"This week was a great week because we finally saw smiles on the face of the Iraqi citizens who were being liberated. When we entered the city of Najef, our soldiers were greeted by ecstatic crowds. A reporter from the New York Times asked one of the Iraqi citizens what the Americans would bring and the citizen said, 'Democracy, whiskey, sexy.' I hate to break it to you pal, but Clinton is not president anymore." —Bill Maher
