posted on April 28, 2003 06:10:36 PM new
The Iraqi Information Minister's Last Press Release
Good morning, everyone.
Today I am pleased to announce the total victory of Saddam Hussein's great forces over the infidel
mercenary cowards. The battle was very fierce and Allah has blessed us.
Our glorious leader Saddam has decreed a nationwide celebration for his people. Shops, banks,
hospitals and museums are hereby directed to
distribute gifts to all citizens of Iraq free of
charge. We encourage them to bring
wheelbarrows and carts and carry away as many
items as they can.
In addition, we have conscripted many thousands
of the captured enemy crusaders and will force
them to rebuild whatever destruction they have
caused to our infrastructure with their mischief.
We insist they pay particular attention to
maintaining our oil fields.
To atone for their sins, W. Bush and his
international criminal gang of bastards are hereby directed to infuse billions of American dollars into the
Iraqi economy. Their first act of contrition shall be to temporarily remove every statue of our beloved
leader for a good cleaning, and to repair some minor smoke damage.
And finally, I am pleased to announce that Saddam, his family, and the heroes of the Arab Socialist
Baath Party are now taking a well-earned vacation. Soon I will be traveling to join them.
To avoid mobs of reporters and well-wishers, it must remain an undisclosed location. But I assure you
we are not leaving through Syria and the final destination is not the French Riviera.
