posted on June 30, 2003 04:19:28 AM new
Got this in an email today.
THE AGE OF REASON
The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. The guy should run for President...
PREAMBLE We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some resemblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time
to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, and delusional. We hold these truths
to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally
acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone;
not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be ... and like the rest of us, you need to simply deal
with it.
ARTICLE III You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy by telling them they didn't warn you not to
stick the screwdriver in your eye.
ARTICLE IV You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will
gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we should
be wary of public health care or public anything.
ARTICLE VI You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone,
don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair (yes, capital punishment).
ARTICLE VII You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV, pool tables, weight rooms, or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard
times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness;
which by the way, is a lot easier if you are not encumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who
were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from. We welcome you here. English is our
language and like the one you left behind, we also have a culture. Learn it or go back to the country and the living conditions you
were fleeing."
posted on June 30, 2003 08:30:22 AM new
I just got this e-mail, it was allegedly leaked, but Wolfowitz is working on an amended version.
I.
The best fighter is the dirtiest fighter.
II.
Can you smell something burning? Nah just kidding I farted.
III.
All flights are offered at a discount rate, all reasonable care is taken to ensure your safe passage via the maned flight transportation unit in our efforts to ensure a maximum conveyance of units it will be necessary to accelerate a cost effective production of said flight transportation units and in doing so you may or may not expect that some elements which may or may not have been considered fundamental in the efficacy of said units may necessitate exclusion, these element may include but are not limited to, wings landing gear, windows doors, navigational instruments. In the unlikely event of any unforeseeable occurrence resulting from said omissions any ensuing diminishments of any physical or psychological capacity of the party of the first part (you), we would remind our valued clients that we are a PTY LTD and as such the directors can not be held liable.
IV
We acknowledge and convey our gratitude to those parties who have contributed so greatly but in the event of said parties having been milked dry- Tough.
V
It’s not a wonder your sick, look how you live.
VI
You may or may not be brought before a court of law and in the absence of adequate legal repre$entation you will be fried, should any judgement be found to be in error and in the event that it can be proven by the party of the first part and you don’t live in Texas a full exhumation will be performed and full pardon granted along with state supplied ‘blessing’ by a representative of a congregation of your choosing.
VII
If you steal a hand of gold you will be dealt with severely, If you steal a mountain we will make you leader.
VIII
Productivity levels will be reassessed at periodic intervals and in the event of diminished capacity as result of age, gender, race, religion, vision, or fatigue, we will reserve the right to either, coheres cast-off or castrate.
IX
Prozac is available at to those on reasonable rates of remuneration.
In the unlikely event of any unforeseeable occurrence resulting from any omissions, failures, or negligence, any ensuing diminishments of any physical or psychological capacity of the party of the first part, we would remind our valued clients that we are a PTY LTD and as such the directors can not be held liable.
