posted on November 6, 2003 10:02:18 AM new
1) D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
2) ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
3) E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
4) P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
5) D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
6) F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
7) M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?"
8) B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
9) J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
10) A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
11) A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
"Another plague upon the land, as devastating as the locusts God loosed on the Egyptians, is "Political Correctness.'" --Charlton Heston
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
One of my favorites....
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man--he can cook, sew, make beds, and is in good health. And he's already used to taking orders.
[ edited by Linda_K on Nov 6, 2003 12:53 PM ]
posted on November 6, 2003 01:07:07 PM new
LOL Linda. I keep telling my wife, that in their older years, couples tend to start looking like each other, She says if thats true & I better shave my beard, because she isn't going to grow one.
"Another plague upon the land, as devastating as the locusts God loosed on the Egyptians, is "Political Correctness.'" --Charlton Heston
posted on November 6, 2003 01:37:39 PM new
On shaving your beard. Teasing tell her [not sure of her age] that if she doesn't start/continue taking her estrogen pills, she just might start growing one of her own. [fuzzy but still hair that didn't used to be there].
