Twelvepole
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posted on November 11, 2003 03:25:16 AM new
An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"
Names for mother by country.
England = Mum
American = Mom
French = Mama
Australia = The one in the corner with 482 stamped in her ear.
What do you call an Australian with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
Bisexual.
REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
- Knowing your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard no civilized nation on earth wanted.
Q: What do Australians put in their pockets that Americans throw away?
A: Snot.
Q: What's the difference between yoghurt and Australia?
A: Yoghurt has a real live culture
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austbounty
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posted on November 11, 2003 05:12:00 AM new
JOKE
The Catholic Church is telling people in countries stricken by Aids not to use condoms because they have tiny holes in them through which HIV can pass - potentially exposing thousands of people to risk.
___________________________________________________________
Back to 12,
Being that you find American women to have little appeal and you are obviously critical of any other race/nation and in light of your obvious fascination with sheep; you may wish to try a suckling lamb.
But first check to confirm that they are permitted in your trailer park.
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Twelvepole
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posted on November 11, 2003 05:47:26 AM new
LOL don't ASSume something you don't know as a fact...
Women of other countries... unlike you, keep their place.
Actually we all know that austbounty doesn't do sheep or goats... not large enough... now rats are more his size...
AIN'T LIFE GRAND... 
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austbounty
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posted on November 11, 2003 06:48:01 AM new
Thats rather witty 12.
 
 
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BEAR1949
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posted on November 11, 2003 07:18:51 AM new
Austi family photo:
"Another plague upon the land, as devastating as the locusts God loosed on the Egyptians, is "Political Correctness.'" --Charlton Heston
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BEAR1949
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posted on November 11, 2003 07:26:08 AM new
Austi gets a bright idea & displays his IQ.
"Another plague upon the land, as devastating as the locusts God loosed on the Egyptians, is "Political Correctness.'" --Charlton Heston
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kraftdinner
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posted on November 11, 2003 12:36:24 PM new
Wow, you two sure are fixated on austbounty! Are you jealous that he's smarter than the both of you put together?
P.S. It's Austrailia, not Australia.
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Twelvepole
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posted on November 11, 2003 12:44:28 PM new
austbounty is smarter... uh huh sure... coming from you of the doper breed... we can consider the source.
better check your spelling dear...
AIN'T LIFE GRAND...
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Helenjw
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posted on November 11, 2003 12:46:49 PM new
Right, based on the attention that we get, Kraftdinner, You and I are smart too.
I just went to mail a package at my local Post office and found all entrances to the shopping mall blocked with police, fire engines and hazadarous material trucks.
So, I came home to find on the net that the bomb squad and the Hazmat team in Aspen Hill, Md. is investigating a suspicious package. Now helicopters are hovering over my house again.
What a joke.
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Helenjw
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posted on November 11, 2003 12:53:45 PM new
The package, containing suspicious items has been destroyed. It was probably someone's lost Ebay package.
LOL
http://www.nbc4.com/news/2629219/detail.html
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NearTheSea
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posted on November 11, 2003 01:06:12 PM new
well hell, that was my package I had sent out that way...... there goes a 200 year old colonial vase! Now they'll do a charge back on the $5k they charged for it
psssst kraft, it is Australia, he was right
Wanna Take a Ride? Art Bell is Back! Weekends on C2C-www.coasttocoastam.com
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kraftdinner
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posted on November 11, 2003 01:08:12 PM new
Cripes Helen! That must've been scarey. It's too bad they couldn't x-ray packages before blowing them up, just in case there's an expensive watch or something inside! 
You know me so well, Twelve! Right now, I'm having lunch with a couple of married homosexual men friends. (One might be a transvestite or a transexual.) Before I serve them cucumber sandwiches, we are going to smoke a joint the size of my arm. That way we won't puke when we talk about Bush & Iraq.
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fenix03
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posted on November 11, 2003 01:11:07 PM new
Helen - post office was close anyway- Holiday n such.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
If it's really "common" sense, why do so few people actually have it?
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Twelvepole
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posted on November 11, 2003 01:54:29 PM new
You know me so well, Twelve! Right now, I'm having lunch with a couple of married homosexual men friends. (One might be a transvestite or a transexual.) Before I serve them cucumber sandwiches, we are going to smoke a joint the size of my arm. That way we won't puke when we talk about Bush & Iraq.
Why do I believe that...
AIN'T LIFE GRAND...
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kraftdinner
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posted on November 11, 2003 02:09:34 PM new
"Why do I believe that..."
Because you're psycho.
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fenix03
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posted on November 11, 2003 03:20:01 PM new
I want that lamp
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
If it's really "common" sense, why do so few people actually have it?
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BEAR1949
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posted on November 11, 2003 04:03:47 PM new
kraft
Fixated on Austbounty?
Are you out of you everloving. pot inhibited mind? We would never fixate on you brother like that.
Right now, I'm having lunch with a couple of married homosexual men friends
Good thing Canada recognises same sex marrages. You might want to know is improper to include the words homosexual & men in the same sentance.
"Another plague upon the land, as devastating as the locusts God loosed on the Egyptians, is "Political Correctness.'" --Charlton Heston
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NearTheSea
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posted on November 11, 2003 04:45:17 PM new
kraft??????
You have a thing for Aust????
Geeez what did I miss here???
Wanna Take a Ride? Art Bell is Back! Weekends on C2C-www.coasttocoastam.com
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BEAR1949
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posted on November 11, 2003 04:58:46 PM new
Near, judge for your self.
In her own words she shows who her friend are. One can only surmise those that she defends would fall into the same catagory.
I'm having lunch with a couple of married homosexual men friends.
"Another plague upon the land, as devastating as the locusts God loosed on the Egyptians, is "Political Correctness.'" --Charlton Heston
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Twelvepole
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posted on November 11, 2003 05:15:07 PM new
A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . . lemon . . . lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange."
Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!"
AIN'T LIFE GRAND...
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kraftdinner
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posted on November 11, 2003 06:09:30 PM new
Near, Bear was referring to me saying him and Twelve were fixated on austbounty. But then again... I do like men with brains.
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