posted on February 18, 2004 01:03:02 PM new
At a time when people are at their most vulnerable, the idea to get people to spend big money on their deceased loved ones departure, seems criminal. I read that more and more young people are getting in to the funeral business because it's so lucrative. This isn't meant to be a sad topic - just wondered how you all felt about the industry.
posted on February 18, 2004 01:35:10 PM new
My family and myself have delt with the same FD for the past 40 years.
At no time does this FD ever try to pressure us into anything we don't want.
The end results have always been a Funeral of the highest quality.
And the costs are usually 1/3 of what other FD's in our area charge.
posted on February 18, 2004 01:36:15 PM newhow you felt about the industry.
I think it's like most things in life, one must take responsibility for their decisions and not blame others for 'being taken advantage of' even when they're in this vulnerable situation.
Death is a part of life. A painful part, but a reality we all know we will eventually face. So why do some choose to leave it to their survivors? Imo, because death is just too uncomfortable to think about or talk about, for some, let alone act or make a decision about.
My in-laws have purchased a pre-paid funeral plan. They made all the decisions about their 'after' care and their final wishes.
My husband and I had already talked about and decided exactly what we wanted done, so the decisions were already made. No feelings of guilt [gee, I love him so much I have to spend a fortune to prove it by purchasing some outrageous funeral.] No making ourselves vulnerable, to a 'sales' pitch, during this difficult time in life.
posted on February 18, 2004 02:19:14 PM new
I think one of the finest, kindest things a person can do is make all their arrangements in advance, spell out for relatives exactly how they want their funeral service (if they want one) to proceed -- right down to the musical selections, scriptural readings, etc. If one is able to pay for it all in advance, that's even better.
It's also a tremendous gift to make one's wishes known in the event of a catastophic stroke or other incident that will render one comatose/brain-dead/bed-bound permanently. There is no time to process the grief of being told "there's no hope" while being pressured by medical staff to make extremely difficult decisions; if families can turn to one's own express wishes at such a time, there are no agonizing choices to make or second-guess down the road.
posted on February 18, 2004 03:23:22 PM new
The only problem with that though is, when do you sit down and spell it all out? Who in their early twenties or even thirties wants to entertain the thought that their life might somehow end abruptly? Seems like all the cases that go to court are so-and-so went into a coma at 21, 34, or some budding athlete has a major accident. But does anybody live fully prepared to die? Especially at that age? I never did.
Kraft, I think the funeral business is like anything else. You probably need to shop around or get referrals.
[ edited by neroter12 on Feb 18, 2004 03:24 PM ]
posted on February 18, 2004 04:02:05 PM new
Our discussion with our [at that time, unmarried] adult sons was just a quick conversation. When we were making our decisions about what we wanted done, we shared our own plans and wishes and asked them what they'd want done IF something happened to them. They answered. No big deal. We felt it was the parents responsibility to discuss the issue with their children. Just like we were taught from our parents. Had they died, we would have followed their wishes.
I don't see a need to dwell on the subject, just to have discussed it.
I took what KD was asking was about how some people are talked into spending enormous amounts of money on a funeral...because they're in shock/grief at that time and could be taken advantage of.
I'm saying....only if you're unprepared.
Re-elect President Bush!!
[ edited by Linda_K on Feb 18, 2004 04:05 PM ]
posted on February 18, 2004 04:25:53 PM new
Also, Neroter, a perfect time to have this discussion with a teenager is when they get their first driver's license. (Not sure if it's a nationwide program or not, but here in CA license applications come with information on becoming an organ donor.) This is often the first time a young person confronts the issue of his/her own mortality ( -whether or not to sign up as an organ donor) and it opens the door for parents to discuss it -- and death -- with him/her and learn what their child's wishes might be.
I'm not even gonna tell you how the florist trade gets in on the act of taking advantage of grieving families shopping for floral tributes, but the money generated by bridal bouquets and reception-table arrangements is nothing compared to that of bereavement arrangements.
posted on February 18, 2004 04:40:44 PM newBut does anybody live fully prepared to die? Yes, all of our Armed Forces do. Each time they are getting ready to deploy they sign papers about who's gets their life insurance, etc. before they go.
posted on February 18, 2004 04:54:21 PM new
LOL @ husbands.....
I once asked my husband why we always see so many husbands on trial for killing their wives. Why they don't just get divorced. Not wanting to split the money was his answer. I was very, very careful from that point on.
posted on February 18, 2004 05:12:48 PM new
lol@husbands, dadsof!!
Police and soldiers are a given. I was just thinking about the general population.
Pat, that is an excellent idea with the drivers license and time to discuss it. I am pretty sure I signed a donor thing. I have to check if its on my license. I know years ago they gave you a donor card, but I never kept that in my wallet for long (need the room for my get a free subway sandwich punch card or some ridiculous piece of paper) or anywhere someone could find it if something happened.
I remember at my mothers funeral the one thing that struck us as ridicious was they wanted like 30.00 for a guest sign in book.
?? Everything else seemed reasonable or fairly competitive. My sister ( who is the most composed reasonable person) said lets go to the stationary store and buy one, we dont have to get theirs. (I think it was 12.99 or something at the store.) But those are the things you dont really have too much energy to think about at the time that add on to the costs along with flowers.
[ edited by neroter12 on Feb 18, 2004 05:18 PM ]
posted on February 18, 2004 05:21:59 PM newBut does anybody live fully prepared to die?
When I was 17, my mother handed me a sealed envelope, to be opened in the event of her death. She died when I was 22, and I pulled it out of the drawer I'd stuck it in. It was her will--and besides stating everything was to go to me, she'd also left instructions that she was to be cremated & that I was to spend no more than what Social Security paid for it.
The funeral director was not happy with me At that time, IIRC, Social Security Death Benefits was about $120. He tried to pressure me & lay a guilt trip on me, but I was able to say I was doing exactly what my mother had wanted & I could care less what other people thought about it.
Edited to put spaces where required. Darn keyboard...
******
Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there --Clare Booth Luce
[ edited by bunnicula on Feb 18, 2004 05:25 PM ]
posted on February 18, 2004 06:19:28 PM new
Interesting topic....
Eevery now and then I will dwell on my death. When it will happen, where it will happen, how it happen.....
A bit morbid I know, but such is me. I havent decided if I would like to be creamated or if I want to be burried. I am leaning more toward being burried, but if I choose this way, I would like to be burried along with the creamated remains of my dogs.
They have always brought me happiness and I would like to be around them for as long as I can.
This is a little bizzare but to each their own.
Marriage is a Human Right not a Heterosexual Privledge
posted on February 18, 2004 06:32:56 PM new
You could be cremated with your dogs,then you could all be dumped in one box and shook up.
Can't get any closer than that.
Hope your dogs are dead!
Hate to think your having them done in just because you bit the bullet!
posted on February 18, 2004 06:53:56 PM new
Well, here's one 'creative' way to go (although personally I've selected having my ashes packed into a fireworks display) :
LONDON - An English widow has commemorated her gun-loving husband by having his ashes loaded into shot cartridges for use by his close friends in the last shoot of the season, the Daily Telegraph reported Monday.
Joanna Booth organised the shoot at the end of last month for 20 close friends on an estate in Aberdeenshire, Scotland, after asking a cartridge company to mix the ashes of her husband James with traditional shot.
James Booth had been an expert on vintage shotguns until his death at the age of 50 two years ago. He had been in a coma for 18 months after suffering food poisoning.
The Telegraph reported that a total of 275 12-bore cartridges were produced from the mix and were blessed by a minister before they were used to bag pheasants, partridges, ducks and a fox on Brucklay Estate.
Mrs Booth, of Streatham, south London, said it was a marvelous day out and her husband would have loved it.
"It was not his dying wish, but I remembered that he had read somewhere that someone had had their ashes loaded into cartridges and he thought it was very funny.
"One of our friends, a woman who had never shot before, got four partridges with James's marked cartridges," she said.
Julian McHardy, of the Caledonian Cartridge Company, said it was the first request he had received to put ashes into shotgun cartridges. "He was loaded in our Caledonian Classic, a 28 gramme load, No 6 shot with degradable plastic wadding," he said.
Alistair Donald, the Church of Scotland minister from the nearby village of New Deer, who blessed the cartridges, said he had no qualms.
"It was a perfectly normal scattering of ashes, a few words and prayers. After all, he had a lifelong interest in ballistics," he said.
According to the widow, the special cartridges accounted for 70 partridges, 23 pheasants, seven ducks and a fox on January 31.
posted on February 18, 2004 07:00:09 PM new
Some elderly friends of ours were buried with one another. He was Catholic and didn't believe in cremation. She wanted to be cremated. She went first, so his directions were to have her ashes placed in his coffin when he died. I thought that was pretty specical. Together forever.
-------
When I die my ashes will be mixed with my husbands ashes and I'm not telling the 'rest of the story'.
posted on February 18, 2004 07:05:36 PM new
Linda:
We did that with a friend of mine.
He died in Vietnam,and when his dad died we put his ashes in with his dad.
My wife and I have been contemplating the same. The only reservations we have is jumping in the oven!
posted on February 18, 2004 08:29:49 PM new
After my son's death and my mom's, I have told several family members what I want done.. and who gets what.
One of these days I get it in writing.
I had my son cremated and when I die, I will be cremated and the 2 of us will be put together, and placed with my grandparents grave up north.
posted on February 18, 2004 09:02:26 PM new
Our family plot is over 200 years old. I'll be put to ground right here, where I was born and will die. There will be a great fiesta. Goats will be roasted. Music will play, and all the pretty girls will weep....
___________________________________
posted on February 18, 2004 10:13:47 PM new
Come off it, Krafty! You'll be the 'dark-haired stranger' who flings herself onto Profe's coffin at the last minute. A scene will ensue. I'll be torn away from the pinata to witness the ruckus. You'll be carted off in a canvas waistcoat and I'll have been usurped in my swings at the candy.
Really, Profe will be the only one laughing that day -- and I'm not kidding...
posted on February 18, 2004 10:33:47 PM new
Pat, YOU'LL be the one that's carted off. Asked by the family to leave for having too much fun, I can see it now... you pretending to need to use the washroom every 5 minutes and diving into their fridge looking for beer & nachos.
I'll be in the background crying for Prof, and maybe singing Ava Maria under my breath (in Latin).
posted on February 18, 2004 10:58:51 PM new
Hey Prof....Any minute now these two are going to be wrestling in flour and corn meal for the honor of making your tortillas. Can I be there when She Who Must Be Obeyed runs in with a rolling pin?
~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~ • ~~~
If it's really "common" sense, why do so few people actually have it?
posted on February 18, 2004 11:04:22 PM new
Tut, tut, Fenix... interloper! Profe high-tailed it outta this thread at the first sign of trouble -which was all Krafty's fault, I might add! He's too much of a gentleman to watch a tart like Krafty and an old beldame like me fight over his not-yet-cold carcass
