posted on March 11, 2004 09:00:58 PM new
BOSTON — Looking to snare the surging gay-married-couple vote, Democratic hopeful John Kerry flew to Boston early this week and exchanged wedding vows with fellow Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy.
Moments after a brief same-sex civil ceremony, the couple appeared on the steps of Boston's historic State House. Kerry and Kennedy seemed radiant as man and, well... husband and -- uh... Senator and other Sen -- ah... married homo couple, and felt confident they were sending a message of hope, validation and vote-grabbing across the country.
"Today is a special day," monotoned Kerry, "not just for Teddy and myself, but for all homosexuals yearning to join together in the sanctity of holy matrimony. Well, maybe not holy, 'cause there wasn't a priest there, but if we could have found a queer priest it would've been -- and believe me, Ted and I are devout Catholics, so we're confident we could've found one -- anyway, we’re happy to join in the God-given -- snot, that's not right... well, we're just happy to be here."
When questioned about the legality of same-sex marriages in Massachusetts, both Kerry and Kennedy said they were certain that, given the state's recent ruling that a ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional, the courts would recognize the union as legal.
"To all the queer couples across this great nation," said Kennedy, "and let's not forget the Lesbo ladies out there, I say the time has come to cast off the shackles of God, nature and self-dignity. Same-sex marriage is good for America; it means more jobs, better schools, increased national security, elimination of the deficit and just about anything else you can think of. It's a God-send... well, a court-send, and that's pretty good, believe me."
Asked if the couple was in violation of the state's bigamy laws, Kerry said, "Absolutely not. Those laws are clearly written for different-sex marriages. But believe me, so long as laws, ANY laws, exist that recognize unions of opposite sex, the fight will go on." Insiders admit that both newlyweds are aware of each others past indiscretions with extra-marital affairs. Kennedy reportedly required Kerry to sign a nuptial agreement that protects the Kennedy family fortunes, and Kerry has told close friends he's insisted on a designated driver during their honeymoon at Chappaquiddick Island.
The Democrats ran on 'Honesty' and I told 'em at the time they would never get anywhere. It was too radical for politics. The Republicans ran on 'Common Sense' and the returns showed that there were 8 million more people in the United States who had 'Common Sense' enough not to believe that there was 'Honesty' in politics." --Will Rogers
posted on March 12, 2004 08:41:33 AM new
I just HAD to pass it on.
The Democrats ran on 'Honesty' and I told 'em at the time they would never get anywhere. It was too radical for politics. The Republicans ran on 'Common Sense' and the returns showed that there were 8 million more people in the United States who had 'Common Sense' enough not to believe that there was 'Honesty' in politics." --Will Rogers
