posted on May 5, 2004 09:13:43 PM new
By TOM BRENNAN
My dog is never going to rescue little Timmy from the mountain lion. He has watched too many exposés and thinks Timmy is not a boy but a very short man with a day-old beard and cigarette breath.
Jack might drag the mailman from in front of a speeding train, but only because the mailman gives him cookies. I don’t think he would pull me off the tracks unless I was delaying the train and he was a passenger in a hurry.
Such cynicism is hard to take. The other day, when the earth shook, my wife asked indignantly: “Where is that dog? Animals are supposed to detect earthquakes before they happen and warn their owners.”
I went to check and found him lying on his back amid a pile of pillows on my bed. He had his eyes closed and his feet hanging in the air.
“He detected the quake,” I told my wife, “but he didn’t think a magnitude 3.8 was worth worrying about.”
As I’ve mentioned, the dog is a Democrat and right now he is worrying about this year’s national election. He is convinced that John Kerry has wrapped himself in the flag once too often and may have run out his string on the more-heroic-than-thou thing.
Among other issues, he says, Kerry tells a different story every time the question comes up about his medals. Kerry’s hometown newspaper, The Boston Globe, has interviewed the senator many times through the years and recorded him giving four different versions of his story about whether he did or did not throw the medals and/or ribbons over the White House fence in a 1971 demonstration.
Each story has been incompatible with the others. The question is never whether he is lying; it is whether he is lying now or he was lying then.
As most people will concede, the issue is not whether Kerry demonstrated against the Vietnam War after he served in it. The issue is whether he is a man who can be trusted, a man who tells the truth and stands by it. The answer there is decidedly “No.” And many veterans are angry about the things he said in 1971, the lies and distortions about so-called atrocities those in the military were committing in the war zone.
As a Democrat, my dog believes that the Republicans are the ones raising the question about Kerry’s medals, not the news media. He thinks the Republicans put them up to it. How he can believe that when the media are predominantly liberal and Democrat is beyond me, but some things we dog owners are just supposed to take on faith.
Kerry’s biggest problem, he says, is that Big John doesn’t wear well. The better you get to know him, the less you like him. He has an abrasive personality, is known to many in his home state as an inconsiderate oaf who jumps lines because he is such an important person and often asks haughtily: “Do you know who I am?” Yet Kerry portrays himself as the little guy’s candidate, just an average Joe with your worries always on his mind.
Somehow that’s not very credible coming from a Boston Brahmin with $400 million in his wife’s bank, a butler ever at his side, at least four homes in various places ranging in value from $3.7 million to $6.9 million and a fleet of cars, including a bunch of gas-guzzling sport utility vehicles and large vehicles that are not politically correct.
He votes right from the environmentalist standpoint, supporting their issues to win their support, but his actions don’t reflect his so-called political beliefs. Kerry recently claimed that one of the bigger gas-eating SUVs in the family collection, a Chevy Suburban, was his wife’s car, not his, as if that made a difference.
My dog is fretting that the Democrats might grow weary of Kerry and decide to dump him at the party convention in Boston this July rather than nominate him and risk a humiliating defeat. If so, he thinks they might nominate Hillary Clinton and, if she were somehow elected, he thinks she could be a disaster for all mankind, not to mention dogkind.
I share Jack’s concern about Sen. Clinton, but I’m thinking of cutting off his television for the duration of the campaign. Otherwise he’ll be a nervous wreck even before summer is over.
Dogs shouldn’t have to worry about things like these, should they? Otherwise what’s the point of being a dog?
"The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why — with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him." —Jay Leno
posted on May 6, 2004 10:28:25 AM new
Logan, Why don't you and your dog have brain transplants. Undoubtedly it would improve your IQ.
"The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why — with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him." —Jay Leno
posted on May 7, 2004 12:08:23 PM new
Say what you want about Kerry-- at least he wasn't a deserter like Bush, and he wasn't a draft dodger like Cheney.
Bush didn't have any medals to throw away, unless they gave him a medal for being invisible for a year when he was supposed to be in service to the NG while we were at war.
Cheney could have thrown away his medals if they gave medals for being a chicken hawk.
posted on May 7, 2004 05:56:23 PM new
Redmond, give it up. Your riding a dead horse. Even your idol ol flip flop Kerry has stopped accusing President Bush of desertion.
Cheney legally avoided going to VietNan like thousand of others did with school & family deferments.
"The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why — with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him." —Jay Leno
