posted on July 20, 2004 05:49:49 PM new
Republican National Convention Schedule
New York, NY
6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
Let's have a BBQ, Texas style, ROAST BUSH
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All Things Just Keep Getting Better
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We the people, in order to form a more perfect Union....
.....one Nation indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for ALL.
posted on July 20, 2004 11:36:39 PM new
Hilarious, logansdad, thanks!
But they forgot to include two really fun Republican things....the faith healing and torture videos!
I'm surprised "Little Miss Sunshine" hasn't been here to a refute each event with a "factual" cut and paste!
posted on July 21, 2004 09:13:18 AM new
Then there's the Seminar on : How to Spend Anybody Else's Money.
Comedy skits include: "Laughing at Poor People and Their Struggle to Find Food and Homes"
Speech on "Eliminating the Elderly to Save Social Security"
Oh, and they don't vote on which country to go to war with , they have a big wheel , someone spins it, Condasleeza turns letters until a country comes up and that's the next one!
Of course it goes to a vote if a kinda tricky one, say, Switzerland comes up, but I'm sure the Republicans could find an excuse to invade and straighten out those pesky Swiss!
posted on July 21, 2004 09:37:03 AM newIt is funny. Where did you plagiarize it from?
Plagerized, cut & pasted & edited from the DNC schedule I posted a while back.
So peepa have you and dad set your wedding date?
"The natural family is a man and woman bound in a lifelong covenant of marriage for the purposes of:
*the continuation of the human species,
*the rearing of children,
*the regulation of sexuality,
*the provision of mutual support and protection,
*the creation of an altruistic domestic economy, and
*the maintenance of bonds between the generations."
