posted on August 5, 2004 09:23:59 PM new
Q: Daddy, why is John Kerry a better candidate for President?
A: Lots of reasons honey.
Q: Can you name one?
A: He's got a different plan for handling the war on
terrorism.
Q: What plan is that?
A: Hmmmm... well, I don't know the details, yet. He's keeping it a secret, because he knows that Americans are too stupid to understand. All we need to know is that it's different and Kerry is better.
Q: Did he support invading Iraq?
A: Well, yes. He did vote for it.
Q: Why did he vote for Iraq?
A: Honey, it was very popular to do so. Polls showed that a huge majority of Americans were in favor of getting rid of Saddam.
Q: He must have supported our troops. Did he vote to increase necessary funding?
A: No, he didn't.
Q: Why was he in favor of sending our troops to combat but not funding them properly?
A: Two reasons. First, he truly didn't want them to succeed. If they were funded and equipped, then the war would be a greater success. Polls showed that if the war was successful, then President Bush would be more popular.
Q: What's the second reason?
A: Because liberals only want to spend tax money to purchase votes.
Q: Daddy, what’s a poll?
A: A poll is something great leaders like Kerry use to make decisions.
Q: Why can't Democrats make a decision on their own?
Why do they need polls?
A: Because they're really disinterested in doing the right thing. They only want to do ANYTHING that makes them look good, with as little political risk as possible.
Q: Doesn't Senator Kerry want what's best for the
American people?
A: Not really, sweetie. He only wants what's best for certain demographics who will vote for him. In return, Senator Kerry will give them beautiful government programs, which will solve all their problems.
Q: You mean problems like unemployment?
A: That's right, sweetie. If elected President, Kerry will create millions of new jobs.
Q: How is Kerry gonna create these jobs?
A: By raising corporate taxes, sweetie.
Q: But, if Kerry raises taxes on corporations, how will businesses afford to hire new employees?
A: Let's talk about health care, honey.
Q: Will Senator Kerry give drugs to the elderly?
A: He sure will, sweetie.
Q: How will Senator Kerry pay for these drug costs?
A: By making the working American pay for them.
Q: You mean that when you grow old, Daddy, and I'm a working adult, that I won't have to take care of you like responsible Americans should? I can have the government do it?
A: That's correct. Remember, in President Kerry's world, all you have to do is worry about yourself. You'll have no family responsibilities because the government will take care of everything.
Q: How did Senator Kerry get so popular?
A: Because there's two types of Americans that are attracted to Kerry. The first group are the goofy liberal socialists like Hollywood celebrities. The second group are the lazy angry Americans, who don't want to work yet still get the fruits America has to offer. They want a government hand out to make life more comfortable.
Q: But, who funds these government programs for the lazy and the liberals?
A: The people who work hard and want to make a better life for themselves.
Q: Isn't that the opposite of the values this country was founded on?
A: Let's talk about other issues, honey.
Q: Why is my public school not teaching me how to read or do math?
A: Because the public schools need lots more money.
Q: Doesn't the public school system get lots of money already, and has for years?
A: But, polls show teachers are very liberal. We need to support that voting block.
Q: But, they're not teaching the three Rs. I can't read, Daddy!
A: As long as they teach you to be tolerant of special interests like gay and lesbians, then that's all that matters. Besides, if you could read, then you'd have access to filth like Sean Hannity's book.
Q: Daddy, why is my little sister a ghost?
A: Because I am a goofy liberal and I believe in partial-birth abortion.
Q: But, Daddy, she was merely weeks away from becoming a real baby. You wouldn't believe what those doctors did to her little head.
A: It was your mother's choice. You're not in favor of taking a woman's choice, are you?
posted on August 6, 2004 07:11:32 AM new
Mummy, how come I'm your uncle.
Because after I visited with grandpa during the spring holidays, I wasn't permited to have an abortion.
