posted on December 22, 2004 07:21:26 PM new
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, with nary a clue,
Except the graffiti from "Wildlife Rescue".
And Equal Employment had made it quite clear,
That Santa had better use more than reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with four pigs -- and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops,
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing for unauthorized use of his nose.
He went on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in overdue compensation.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender-specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets -- they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and his boyfriend -- better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football-- someone could get hurt!
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word these days.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, and every hue,
Everyone, everywhere, perhaps even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth:
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on this Earth."
Americans again prove Pres Bush is the best man for the job
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." --John Stuart Mill
posted on December 23, 2004 06:53:44 AM new
Good one yeager. Where did you find that version?
Absolute faith has been shown, consistently, to breed intolerance. And intolerance, history teaches us, again and again, begets violence.
---------------------------------- "Give it up for George W. Bush, the best friend international jihad ever had."
posted on December 23, 2004 08:55:30 PM new
logan,
Actually, I made it up in my own wicked mind. It took about 15 minutes. Just think of all the social ills that are present and make a rhyming verse. Glad you liked it.
Bigots are miserable people. Prevent Bigotry through Education.
posted on December 26, 2004 07:40:04 AM new
Bear was great and as usual the liberal crybabies have to post their own version to make themselves feel better. What a bunch of losers.
posted on December 27, 2004 03:41:17 AM new
quarterass,
Glad you liked bears. The only difference between his and mine is that mine is an original. His is a C&P. How can you tell? Simple! It's more than one sentence long, that's how.
Bigots are miserable people. Prevent Bigotry through Education.
Prevent Bigotry through Education.
It took about 15 minutes. Just think of all the social ills that are present and make a rhyming verse. Glad you liked it.
Sniping works up a thirst"