posted on September 8, 2000 08:32:04 PM new
Maui-with all due respects--anything real--tangible--I want to see it--experience it first hand. On line friendships are nice--but not real.. Oh K....said enough.
posted on September 8, 2000 08:34:45 PM new
Online or offline...just what having a friend means. In other words...give me an example of what it means to you. What do you expect from friendship, what do you give? What goes out of the bounds, or what is "permissible"?
posted on September 8, 2000 08:36:41 PM new
Jeanyu...online friendships ARE real. Talking to someone everyday, emailing, yakking, spilling your hurts and happiness...and sharing....those are REAl, written via a keyboard, or saying it face to face. So I have to differ from you on that one.
posted on September 8, 2000 08:38:15 PM new
wow...
Friendship. I've had a strange mix of friends over the years...
I think in friendship there has to be trust.
I think its someone you can share things with.. someone, when you've got great news, you want to share with, and they will be happy with you, not jealous or envious, if something really good happens to you.
Someone that will be there for the bad times too... thats a real test there.
Right now, I have friends... but whats strange? is my best friend is my brother!
posted on September 8, 2000 08:41:02 PM new
Hi Maui---those certain yaks are reserved for family and friends that I know in real life. Bearing my soul for an on line buddy--don't think so! JMHO. Respectfully, Jean
edited to add--shelly has hit upon a truism that I find most difficult to span---trust on line friends. Never seen em--really don't know em---sorta kinda strangers that may have a passing interest as you. Not to be paranoid---OK--flaming paranoid--who are these strangers that you are talking too?
[ edited by jeanyu on Sep 8, 2000 08:45 PM ]
posted on September 8, 2000 08:41:45 PM new
YES Shell...yes! Trust. Sharing. Belief that the friend is there, will be there, wont judge, wont betray, wont gloat when things are tough, to name a few.
posted on September 8, 2000 08:44:42 PM new
What it means to me is that I accept you flaws and all and you accept me the way I am. I have some great close friends and they have thier share of good points and bad points but I don't mind working through the bad to get to the good.
I can never really pinpoint the moment that people go from acquaintance to friend in my mind. It's always a mystery to me.
posted on September 8, 2000 08:54:31 PM new
jeanyu-I think I disagree/agree with the online friendship.... I've met some people online in RL and it turned out great... and then I travelled across the U.S. and met someone, and it was awful! Totally NOT the person they said they were...BUT that was only one, I know better now
And then you can be just online friends with someone, and that can be just as good.. sorry you've had a bad expierence? I did, but that was long ago and faraway...
posted on September 8, 2000 08:59:47 PM new
I have a friend that calls EVERYONE she meets "my friend this, my friend that" and she just met them. Makes me bugshit. I have many many acquaintences...and only a very few friends. Takes much to get that word out of me, ya know? And once done, Im a loyal one and expect the same.
posted on September 8, 2000 09:11:22 PM new
Shelly--no horrendous horrible experiences with me---personally on line. Have had a whale of a honey before I found online selling and the internet. He has been the most patient soul I have ever known!! This was all new vigin territory to me---eBay--AW hosting---eBay chats---AW Chats---but I was learning and like a sponge sorta gleaned onto new ideas and put in my own frigging 2 cents
So anyways--online friendships can be wonderful for those that seek them--me--sorta kinda have my hands full with Real Life---but don't cha know just mention some AW'ers and I feel like they are my best friends. URK--sorry for the mixed message---but my Real Life and for me, AW Chats are real!!
Guess I have sorta kinda divided my life between Real and On line. And --anyone who is a bit addicted to AW chats--knows I'm on here more than not. Did I mention my honey is one in a million?
posted on September 8, 2000 09:13:01 PM newMaui I guess everyone knows someone like that. "Everyones" a friend. I have a tougher time with online friends because I don't feel that I really know them - or that they know me. I've enjoyed myself so much at this forum - my first experience with such a thing. But, more than once I've been surprised by a response to one of my post - and, I'm not talking about the redneck one although that was surprising.
I think we all make a lot of assumptions about each other based on our own life experiences - so, it's difficult to say that online relationships at least on message boards can be the same as real friendships. - But, I think they can start here and develop. To me, a real friend is one that you know you can trust and rely on in good times and bad.
posted on September 8, 2000 09:47:05 PM newMybiddness: Exactly. I know my friends would do whatever they could if I needed help and they know I'd do the same for them.
posted on September 8, 2000 09:55:57 PM new
But just to play devil's advocate here---say you have a good online buddy and urk--they say something on line that just makes you cringe--screech and say--do I know this person? Then what? After all-it is just an online friendship--do you go in deep denial---say umm--think they actually meant that--or deny any association with this person whatsoever? Just wondering---hoping to leap the pitfalls of online friendship if it ever really happens. (Between you and me--too much of a pragmatic for this to happen--but one never knows )
posted on September 8, 2000 10:02:21 PM new
I email them and ask for clarification. Or, if I think the situation warrants, chew them out. Online friends have done the same with me.
posted on September 8, 2000 10:04:51 PM new
A good friend is someone who can say anything to you and you can share anything with, someone you never lie to.. someone who in theory would never say anything to intentionally hurt you, but when they DO say something that hurts, it stings to the core because you care...online OR RL.
posted on September 8, 2000 10:10:12 PM newJeanyu I don't think we have to agree with people to still like them - maybe I wouldn't call them a "friend" in the truest sense of the word. Example, I find that even though I have agreed/disagreed with Pareau at about a 50% basis - and vice versa - I still smile when I see the name - cause I know that whether I disagree or disagree Pareau (insert lots of other names here too) will always challenge me to think - and that to me is the fun in this place. Otherwise, I think I'd have been bored and moved along long ago.
We haven't agreed on everything this evening. I'm like you - can't say I can consider our online conversations a "friendship" as compared to real ones. But, I know that I like to see your post... so, that's as close to an online friendship as I can get... to miss someone when they're gone.
Does anyone ever know what happened to PastorLeon btw. I miss him...
posted on September 8, 2000 10:14:05 PM new kiheicat I think you put it pefectly - anyone that has the ability to hurt you is a friend. Maybe that's why we're so careful sometimes about developing friendships. It reminds me of when my stepdad died and my mother said she would never let herself love someone that deeply again - cause it hurt too much to lose him.
She's married to a wonderful fella now and as in love as ever. I think it's worth the risk sometimes.
posted on September 8, 2000 10:26:36 PM new
Hmmm. To me, online friendships *are* real, but can never attain the same degree of "face-to-face" friendships. People you 'meet' and speak to online can be friendly. They can & do offer support, as I can personally attest, that is helpful & comforting. But online friendships, unless carried out totally by email, lack the sharing of private, personal concerns or confidences that you know a true friend will will never pass on to others. And, of course, online friends cannot provide in-person support & help. For instance, I know (from experience) that my best friend will drop everything to come to my aid--as I have & will for her.
posted on September 8, 2000 11:00:08 PM new
I think the most important things about friendship to me is acceptance. Second would be knowing the person well enough to hear what they are really trying to say. Third is being there when needed not just to help with something but to lend support in a quiet manner.
I value the online friendships I have made or hope I have made. Life gets so busy that about the only time I can relax anymore is when I'm on here interacting with you all.
Pre computer a good friend and I would get on the phone after the late news and talk for hours. It exhausted both of us. On here if I get tired I can just click off without being rude.
posted on September 9, 2000 06:19:49 AM new
Wow, good thread. True friendship has to be built on trust and truth. Someone who can't be honest with you will at some point flat out lie to you. I've learned this the hard way, after a 14 year very close friendship went south due to lies and manipulation.
If I have to think a certain way to be your friend, then I don't need it. Each person must be allowed to be themselves.
Friends are "there" for each other in good times and bad, jumping in and doing what needs done when help is needed, with no thought to inconvenience. True friendships must be "symbiotic", give and take on both sides. One sided relationships will suck the life right out of a person, and leave the other with those walls up, 10 feet high and 2 feet thick.
Online "friends" for the most part aren't real. I've seen one or two relationships develop "online", but when I use the term "friend" to describe someone online I am using that term in the loosest possible way. It's too easy via the written word to get all "warm and fuzzy" with people, but when push comes to shove, those online folks are not part of "real life".
Words are cheap, it is easy to support via chat or email, but true friendship gets it's hands dirty, it makes dinner for a sick friend, it visits in the hospital, it goes to calling hours and funerals. These online relationships can be supportive, but generally the support is emotional only and not tangible. It doesn't cost the giver anything.
Don't get me wrong, I value the people I have met here an on other boards. I like the differing opinions and help that is available here. But when I was stuck in Cleveland for 6 days with my dad, it wasn't anyone online that I contacted for help with my kids. I needed "real life" people then to "be my hands". The support I received via the boards was wonderful, the words of encouragement appreciated, but that type of support only goes so far.
posted on September 9, 2000 10:46:03 AM newCalamity said: "acceptance. Second would be knowing the person well enough to hear what they are really trying to say. Third is being there when needed not just to help with something but to lend support in a quiet manner."
posted on September 9, 2000 11:01:04 AM new
maui-also real friends (and I almost typed fiends LOL) don't STILL steal your pictures after you try over and over and over to help them with there own auctions!! ARGHHHH
This time, sorry if OT but God, if you actually knew someone that you helped get on to ebay, helped her get 'stuff' helped her setup her FTP, camera, GAVE her an auction program, she steals your pics, then you put text in them, she keeps doing it, (she only lives less than a mile from ya too) Would you turn her into Safeharbor???
(oh yeah she is also 'deathly ill' too) THAT sounded bad, she actually isn't, I found that out some time ago....
ooops went off...... BUT sorry, but would you turn her into Safeharbor or something, since no talking to her will do a thing, except her wanting to fight (physically I mean, she's done it before, not with me though) Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!
sorry maui! but that was I guess a description of NON friendship.
edited to say -I know I've talked about her before here, but I thought she was done, just got a liiiiiiiitttle pissed when I saw my pic in her auction today. sorry!
[ edited by ShellyHerr on Sep 9, 2000 11:04 AM ]
posted on September 9, 2000 11:09:49 AM new
a friendship is something that grows and develops between 2 people.
It is trust, loyalty, communication, understanding each other's boundaries, accepting each other warts and all.
allowing space when needed and hugging tightly when needed.
True friendships can weather bad times and storms because what you have is too precious to lose.
True friends can go days, weeks even months without contact yet KNOW that each other is there. It does not have to be an everyday, in your face kind of relationship.
You can have online friendships and they can be just as valid as RL friendships. I have several. It is something that grows and develops and changes yet stays the same - like a garden - you know it's there and at times it is overwhemingly beautiful and satifying but it needs to be weeded, watered and fed and nurtured. During certain times the garden changes and the flowers grow or go into a rest period but it is still a garden.
posted on September 9, 2000 11:19:10 AM new
I have few friends online or offline anymore. Friendship takes time and I have so little that I have let my friends slip away. The RL friends I do have are very dear friends and have been my friends for many years. My dearest friend and I met in 3rd grade and have been friends for fourty years now. The others have been my friends for more than twenty years. I do not make friends readily, have always been wary of new people and so do not open myself up to them easily.
As for online friends, the ones I thought I had turned out to not be.There used to be one person here that I really thought was my online friend but apparently I have done something ,do not know what,and get no answer to my email.So for me only online "aquaintances" from now on. It is just too hard to be friends I have found. I am no better at it online than in RL. Still, I like you all [well, most of you!] and miss you when you do not post.
I wont be doin that either. Walls are fine. Keeps out the flies