posted on October 31, 2000 09:30:45 PM new
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon-summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing
eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town
in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
posted on October 31, 2000 09:38:33 PM new
Actually my teenager and her buds are still out - they're hitting the haunted houses tonight. Maybe I should call her and read her your list.
posted on October 31, 2000 09:44:21 PM new
How'd you manage that? My daughter informed me that at 13, she was giving up such "childish" nonsense. Huh??? You mean I have to BUY my own candy this Halloween! I'm bummed & having to hit all the after Halloween candy markdowns tomorrow.
Kids..you think you are raising them right, then they refuse to extort Snickers Bars from the neighbors to feed your chocolate habit.
Can hardly wait to see what kind of nursing home I end up in.
posted on October 31, 2000 09:50:46 PM new
I think my daughter dropped out of the Halloween thing at 13 also. Now that she's in her second year of college it's suddenly become cool again... lucky for me.
She took her little brother around for about an hour before she left and they brought old mom a nice stash of snickers. I love Halloween.
posted on October 31, 2000 11:49:50 PM new
eventer,
I guess I'm in trouble.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine
I know Nilbog, it is backwards for Goblin (from the movie Troll 2).
I have to add a number 18 to your list;
18. Loosen that darn Codpiece...
At least no evil peep poopin' peeps were handed out...
