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 Muriel
  		posted on February 7, 2001 02:13:09 PM new


PHRASES WE WISH WE COULD SAY AT WORK...

1. Ahhh...I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

27. Do I look like a people person?

28. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

29. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

30. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

31. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

32. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

33. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

34. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

38. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

39. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

40. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

41. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

42. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

43. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

44. If I throw a stick, will you leave?



[ edited by Muriel on Feb 7, 2001 03:02 PM ]
 
 bearmom
  		posted on February 7, 2001 02:40:45 PM new
Hard to top that list!

 
 rancher24
  		posted on February 7, 2001 04:34:50 PM new
ROFLMAO!!....I work for myself at home, but I'm thinkin' of gettin' a job JUST to use a few of those lines, especially #42!!!!....

I had a sign that hung in my office (back when I had an office) that I truly enjoyed, it read:

"Everyone brings joy to this office...
Some when they enter &
Others when they leave"

~ Rancher

 
 Muriel
  		posted on February 7, 2001 04:45:09 PM new
Rancher - I like that!!

I used to have a sign in my office that said "If you don't like your job, quit. Otherwise, SHUT UP!". Do you believe that one of my co-workers - the one who complained the most about her job, saw that and took great offense? I had to take it down because she got so ticked off. I guess she saw her reflection in it.

 
 nycrocker
  		posted on February 7, 2001 05:30:47 PM new
Great list, Muriel!!

My FAVORITE thing to say since I decided to quit all jobs and ONLY work for myself is:

YOU'RE not the bossa me - I'M the bossa me!!!


I say it loud and often Try it, it feels great!!!

Rocker





 
 maddienicks
  		posted on February 7, 2001 05:53:13 PM new
ROFLMAO!


Kris
[email protected]
 
 gravid
  		posted on February 7, 2001 07:25:19 PM new
Obviously an office person list. I can't tell you how people speak down on the shop floor because they have moderators here. (Yes I know you are lurking there, ready to swoop down on us talons spread.) Ahhhh........

 
 bearmom
  		posted on February 7, 2001 08:38:17 PM new
I liked this one so much I cross stitched it for our long suffering, now retired, principal. 'The more you complain, the longer God lets you live'.

 
 pattaylor
  		posted on February 7, 2001 09:01:11 PM new
"I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up."

Mind you, that's in quotes. I would never say such a thing...wouldn't even think it!

Pat


[email protected]
 
 calamity49
  		posted on February 7, 2001 11:56:38 PM new
Muriel,
I have one you don't have on your list. It is my own personal phrase. "Light switch is on the outside." It is used whenever anyone comes in the Visitor's Center to use the bathroom and would you believe they still go inside the bathroom to find the light?




Calamity

 
 chepistar
  		posted on February 8, 2001 02:23:59 PM new
I like your approach. Now, can I see your departure?
chepistar here, there, and everywhere
 
 chepistar
  		posted on February 14, 2001 12:16:51 PM new
A few more Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days:

1. Well, aren't we just a ray of #%$&* sunshine?

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

4. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

5. You! Get Off my planet!!

6. Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

7. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

8. I like cats too. Let"s exchange recipes.

9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

10. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

11. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

12. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

13. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

14. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

15. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

16. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

17. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

18. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."

20. Earth is full. Go home.

21. Is it time for your medication or mine?

22. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

23. I plead contemporary insanity.

24. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

any more out there?




chepistar here, there, and everywhere
 
 skylarraye
  		posted on February 14, 2001 12:20:43 PM new
The Boss? Oh, you mean the Big Old Stupid S***?

 
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