barrybarris
|
posted on March 31, 2001 06:14:09 PM new
Tony C. Barris is dead.
That's all right, he was never alive.
Now let me tell you what I am talking about.
Two years ago Tony C. gave me a toaster oven for Christmas. Usually I don't bother to fill out the Warranty Registration Card on something like this. But this Warranty Registration Card was different. It was several pages long and asked all sorts of questions.
For some reason I decided to fill it out and use the name Tony C. Barris so I could track what happened. Here are some of the answers I gave them.
I am 99 years old.
I live with four men, they are 99 years old.
The five of us like to dress up in large woman's clothes.
I am having a baby in 3 months.
I am getting married next year.
I drive a 1988 Yugo I bought new.
I also drive a 1965 Dodge I bought used.
My 3 main interests are 1. Shooting and Hunting. 2. Gambling. 3. Bible Study.
During the past two years Tony C. Barris has received all sorts of catalogs and offers. Today it was an offer for a no fee Master Card.
Several months ago I decided to bury Tony C. Barris. Now when these offers show up I send the information back to them (in the postage paid envelope) with a short note that goes something like this,
"I'm sorry to inform you that Tony C. Barris will not be able to take you up on your generous offer. Tony died last month. In lieu of flowers please make a donation to XXXXXX Hospital, XXXXX Street XXXXX, XXXX. Thank you."
So, what hobbies do you have…
Barry (not Tony) Barris
|
stockticker
|
posted on March 31, 2001 06:27:01 PM new
LOL! 
|
enchanted
|
posted on March 31, 2001 06:44:05 PM new
Ah poor Tony, may he rest in peace. LMAO.
great project Barry, I think I'm far less creative, I usually read books in my spare time
hi stockticker
|
chococake
|
posted on March 31, 2001 07:24:18 PM new
He must have been a good Christian, because he listed Bible study as an interest. God bless his soul, and I'm sure he's looking down from heaven with a big
|
sammysue
|
posted on March 31, 2001 07:48:29 PM new
First of all I am truly sorry for your lose.
Maybe to help the family out in their time of need you could put the body parts up for auction on Ebay
[ edited by sammysue on Mar 31, 2001 07:49 PM ]
|
zilvy
|
posted on March 31, 2001 07:51:19 PM new
Barry now your new hobby will be to see how many you inform continue to send solicitation in spite of Tony's demise.
A whole new world is about to open for you.
|
Pocono
|
posted on March 31, 2001 08:16:00 PM new
Tony was a good man...
I should have never stole that yellow thong from his clothes line, and now, I will never get to say I'm sorry...
Rest in peace Tony C., rest in peace.
|
sammysue
|
posted on March 31, 2001 08:19:21 PM new
Pocono I am sure he knows!
|
krs
|
posted on March 31, 2001 08:22:31 PM new
Did you have a chance to let him know that you love him, Barry?
|
sammysue
|
posted on March 31, 2001 08:31:53 PM new
Oh my gosh let's hope so that can be one of lifes most torturing experience not being able to tell someone how you really feel before it is too late. ( of course if you don't really care for them then I feel you should probably keep to yourself)
|
zoomin
|
posted on March 31, 2001 09:51:58 PM new
sorry to hear about your loss, but,
Don't leave us hanging Barry (way too clever for me) Barris!
What happened to the other four 101 year old guys? How will they make up Tony C's share of the rent now that you tossed the no-fee mastercard offer?
Did Tony C leave behind his widow or did she break it off after she found out he was pregnant?
Did he ever give birth to the illegitimate child?
Is her name Aunt Toni C Barris?
thanks for the chuckle barry!
only ZOOMIN here 
(sorry, had to change my name  )
[ edited by zoomin on Mar 31, 2001 09:53 PM ]
|
HJW
|
posted on April 1, 2001 06:34:39 AM new
Love and sympathy, NONSENSE !
What a blunder, Barrybarris!!!
You had an income tax deduction good for at least a couple of years
and you blew it by causing the early demise of your dependent friend.
Now you only have three left!
Helen
Maybe someone can have another baby.
|
femme
|
posted on April 1, 2001 06:37:50 AM new
Barry, you are so warped.
How I wish you lived next door to me.
We would be great friends.
|
Linda_K
|
posted on April 1, 2001 06:51:02 AM new
That was funny Barry(loves a good time)Barris.
The same thing has happened to us when we've purchased magazine subscriptions. Instead of using our real name, I started putting different names on the labels to see what happened. It's amazing to see the different companies those names are sold to and what advertizements we then received with those different 'names' we used.
|
margot
|
posted on April 1, 2001 08:06:18 AM new
So sorry to hear of your "loss." You know you can't cash those social security checks any more! My he rest in peace.
|
stusi
|
posted on April 1, 2001 08:45:38 AM new
that wouldn't be Tony C(lifton) Barris, would it?
|
Pocono
|
posted on April 1, 2001 10:13:59 AM new
Tony Clifton ...LMAO
|
helnjoe
|
posted on April 1, 2001 11:43:04 AM new
And I thought that I'M the only one who did stupid things like that! This is scary, very scary.
|
sharkbaby
|
posted on April 1, 2001 01:25:33 PM new
Talk about dead! What about that 88 Yugo? It's most assuredly dead by now!
|
zoomin
|
posted on April 1, 2001 01:31:01 PM new
I'm no where near as creative as you, but both of my dogs and both of my children have received offers for pre-approved platinum cards. I wish I had been clever enough to remember which name I used for which registration.
I get phone calls for my older dog about once a week. When I ask what the call is in reference to, the caller will ALWAYS ask if I am his wife. I've shocked a few people when I say "No, I'm his Master." You can almost see them blushing!
|
bootsnana
|
posted on April 1, 2001 01:39:07 PM new
I was Tony C. Barris' mistress. Would you be kind enough to return my plus sized basic black dress for the funeral? I know it looked better on him than me, but it holds such sentimental value for me.... not to mention the 65 Dodge.
[ edited by bootsnana on Apr 1, 2001 01:41 PM ]
|
