posted on October 25, 2001 10:46:46 AM new
Number 2 should be number 1 , pwolf. Because if one consults the hierarchy of needs, you'll see food is of the utmost importance and humor a low need, because it's hard to be funny when youre hungry..
I do agree, however if they can cook, it's ok to lie..
Number 3, put simply, means getting rid of them for awhile.
6 and 7, hooboy...should be 1a and 2b respective..
posted on October 25, 2001 10:53:30 AM new
Anyone else notice the trend that it's the MALE now-a-days that has the cooking skills? I've found this to be true in many of the couples around me, and it was true in my past marriage.
Other than that entry on pwolf's list, I feel I fit the criteria pretty well. It's good to know I'm marketable if I ever decide to put myself back out there. But currently I'm in agreement with Chococake, it's blissful being single.
Rosie
*There is no conclusive evidence that life is serious*
posted on October 25, 2001 02:09:10 PM new
I remember telling this story on AW a long time ago in a thread about user names (I think) but I just never get tired of telling it. So since the question was posed about how we met our wives/husbands, etc. I thought I’d tell my story again. CAUTION – this is a long post.
Hockey. I owe it all to hockey. Specifically, ice hockey. I’ve been a die-hard hockey fan since my father brought me to a Kansas City Scouts game when I was a little boy. (For those who follow the NHL, you know that the Kansas City Scouts moved to Colorado and finally to New Jersey where they are now the New Jersey Devils – a point that has a connection later in my story). As I grew up (and moved around a lot) I always followed hockey more than any other sport.
Fast forward about 20 years, thought high school, college, various jobs, one ill-advised marriage, divorce, settling into the legal field in Southern California and the purchase of my first PC (an Acer).
Ahh, my first PC. Remember your first time turning on your own PC? I thought it was great. And then connecting Prodigy and AOL and being on-line for the first time which was a little mind blowing. All this information, all these people, it was hard to know what to do first. Well, true to my nature, the first thing I did was open chat on Prodigy and look for a hockey room.
Thus, I discovered Prodigy Hockey Chat. I was hooked in an instant. People, lots of people from around the country, talking hockey. This was a great thing to me since hockey (at least at that time) didn’t get much ink the local papers and none of my friends were hardcore fans so to be able to talk it up with other die-hard’s was very cool. So I used to log on most evenings and talk hockey with these people. A few weeks went by and then……
“kidsnurse has entered the room” scrolled across the screen. Ya know, its funny. Sometimes the most profound and significant moments of your life happen and you just have no clue they’re happening while you’re in the moment. I sometimes wish I could go back to certain moments, knowing all that I know now, just to more fully appreciate the actual moment. “kidsnurse has entered the room” scrolling across my screen on that particular evening was one such moment.
What initially struck me about kidsnurse was her depth of knowledge about hockey. She obviously followed the game very closely. But more than that, her ability to simply communicate her thoughts with the written word was impressive. Anyone who’s spent any time in a live chat room knows that there are people who can communicate effectively and, frankly, people who can’t. So right from the beginning I was drawn to conversing with her.
Over the course of the next several weeks I found myself hoping she’d be on-line whenever I went to the hockey room. When we were there together we usually dictated the course of conversation for the rest of the room and I was having a blast. Hockey always dominated the discussions but often the topic of conversation would move onto various subjects. Then one evening, while chatting about something (I can’t remember what) kidsnurse sent me an IM. And from that moment on, things changed. Rather than talking about general topics in the room with everyone, we started talking about personal subjects in IM (while still chatting with the group in the main chat room).
And so we began to get to know each other. The more we chatted, the more I liked her. It was as if she was a clone of me. We shared such similar views on things that we often would type the same things at the same time. It was almost creepy.
Well, the IM’s led to emails. Long emails. She had become a terrific confidant and I was at ease talking about the most personal aspects of my life. She obviously felt the same way. I don’t know exactly when I knew it, but I was falling in love with this girl. And the best part was that I was falling in love with her mind. I didn’t know (or care) what she looked like. All I knew was that she had reached a part of me that no other person had been able to reach.
The exchange of more emails, IM’s and room chat continued for several more months. Then we decided to talk on the phone. I could write a hundred pages about what that experience was like but suffice it to say it went very well. She was without a doubt, the most terrific woman I knew. We started talking about meeting someday. At that point, we decided to exchange photos via email. This was maybe six months after we started talking seriously.
The photo swap went very well. And after that I wanted nothing more than to meet her. Ahh, but there was this little problem. 3,000 of them actually. As in 3,000 miles between her and me. You see, she lived in New York. What a bummer. I mean, it wasn’t as if I didn’t know that from the very beginning but I guess I just never thought it was going to get a serious as it had become. She felt the same way. So while we continued to send long emails and talk on the phone getting to know each other even more, the 3,000 mile thing always hung in the air like the Great Wall of China.
So a year passed. We continued to communicate through every available means. Email, chat rooms, telephone. We even sent each other videos, showing each other our favorite things in our respective home towns and such. It was a beautiful relationship. Completely open, honest and full of great laughs, tender whispers and much love. Its hard to say how long the relationship would have survived on that level but my guess is a long, long time.
But enough was enough. We talked about being together all the time. It dominated every discussion. This relationship had to be given a chance to blossom in three dimensions. But then reality would set in. She had a house and a career, I had a house and a career. Her family was on the east coast, mine on the west, etc, etc, etc. The logistics of putting it together seemed overwhelming.
And yet the relationship continued and finally reached a point of critical mass where I would have left all my worldly possessions behind and followed her to Zimbabwe if she asked. So we decided to meet, face to face, and see if what we already knew in our hearts was reality. So where else to meet someone for the very first time?
VEGAS BABY!
Actually, that was her idea. She said, “how bout we both fly in to Vegas for a few days?” I of course agreed and we made plans to spend 5 nights together in Vegas. The weeks leading up to Vegas are hard to describe. Full of anticipation, excitement and of course, worry. Worry about the whole thing falling apart once we got face to face. Finally meeting would have to change the relationship in some way and while I hoped for the best, I tried to prepare for the worst.
Finally the time had come. I drove out to Vegas early in the day even though her flight didn’t arrive until 10:00 p.m. I got to the airport at 6:00 p.m. and sat at the gate, trying to relax (yeah right!) I can’t adequately describe just how nervous I was. I had never been more nervous about anything in my life leading up to that point. Time slowed to a crawl. I began pacing all over the airport, silently rehearsing what I would say, what I would do, where I would stand, etc. And then….
The plan touched down ten minutes early and arrived at the gate at 9:55. I was petrified. I stood in a spot where I could watch all the passengers as they came through the gate. But I didn’t see her. More people came off the plane and still she wasn’t there. Then no more people came off and there was a long pause. Did I miss her? I scanned the gate again and didn’t see her. So I looked back at the ramp leading to the plane and then….
She was there. It is a moment that is blazed into my memory. As long as I live, I’ll never forget it. She came into the terminal (the last person off the plane) with a slight smile as she scanned the people looking for me. She didn’t see me yet! But I saw her. And I soaked that moment up like a big sponge. She was breath-taking. I had to steady myself against the check-in counter to keep from falling over. And then…
As she walked towards me her head turned slightly to her right and our eyes met for the first time. Oh my God. This doesn’t happen in real life. This only happens in movies and wildly sappy novels but not in real life. Ahh, but it does happen. She changed direction, never taking her eyes off mine as she strode closer to me. All my previous plans about what I was going to say first, what I was going to do first, everything, went right out the window. I was caught up in the moment and independent, conscious thought was gone, leaving only instinct.
As she approached me I didn’t know what was going to happen or what I would do. And so I slowly opened up my arms and she walked into them, with our eyes still locked and as if we had rehearsed it a million times, our lips met as our bodies came together and the ensuing kiss brought about some of the strongest, deepest emotion I have ever felt.
All doubt, all worry, all thoughts that this might not work out fell on the airport floor around us during that kiss. It was a perfect moment. One that I could live in forever and one that will never be forgotten.
Well, suffice it to say that those five days in Vegas were as intense, emotional and passionate as any I’d experienced. And when they were over I wept like I never had before when she boarded the plane back to New York. We decided that we were going to make a life together but we still had a lot of work to do. On the drive home, I cried almost the whole way. And later that night, talking to her on the phone and then on-line, it was no longer enough. After those five glorious days together, seeing her as just a line of type was in no way going to be enough!
So after much thought and planning, she decided to move to California. I wanted to move to New York. I’ve always liked New York and thought I could make a good living. But she wanted out. She really hates winter and cold and decided that she wanted to try it out here.
So she sold her house, quit her job, packed up everything she could, got in her car and drove 3,000 miles to make a life with me.
Fast forward 4 years. Kidsnurse is the love of my life. The love of a lifetime. Our relationship is as close to perfect as I can imagine. We married, bought a house and are the proud parents of two beautiful 16 month old twin boys. We still stay up all hours of the night, doing nothing but talking. Its what we’ve always done best. Our relationship was built from communicating and continues to grow because the ease with which we talk to each other. And of course, we follow hockey very closely!
Oh, the New Jersey Devils thing I mentioned earlier? Well, my wife had season seats for the Devils at the time I met her on-line. Just one in a long line of nifty coincidences between the two of us.
posted on October 25, 2001 05:27:11 PM new
Katssimi: I too live "out in the sticks." When I was suddenly single, I was 32 years old, had 3 small children, a low-paying job, and could number the eligible men in my community on one hand. A girlfriend and I tried the bar routine a couple of times (imagine two nice church girls cautiously edging their way into the local bar...)--it definitely didn't work. We soon found a chapter of Parents Without Partners in a nearby city, and although it was a 60 mile drive (one way) it was a great group of understanding people to visit with, plus it gave us a night out. No--I didn't find my husband at one of those meetings, but I did hear about him through a mutual friend, and invited him and a couple of his friends to attend a meeting with us. (I figured we could all car pool together.) He called back a week later and said no, he didn't want to go to one of the meetings, but he would like to go out with me!!! The rest of the story has been the best 10 years of my life. And as for my girlfriend--she found her husband at one of the meetings! It's a great group of people with similar interests and problems. Although the women outnumbered the men, and most were older than I, it gave us both a start!
posted on October 25, 2001 08:40:20 PM new
Don't feel bad Longgrassskirt, we all make mistakes...I've been married forever, and as I tell my husband when he gets smug, "Hey, bad habits are hard to break!"
posted on October 26, 2001 06:12:55 AM new
While a lot of feminists hated this book, I recommend "The Rules." Some of it is over the top and just too phoney, but the gist of it is good.
posted on October 26, 2001 07:46:30 PM new
I was divorced about a year. My neck and head still hurt every single day from a car accident months before. My lawyer finally got the insurance to pay. I bought some rediculous flowered stretch pants and an equally rediculous white lace shirt.
I went to play pool. Have a beer. (no makeup as usual) I never did celebrate buying my little home. The kids were at their Dads. I put a few dollars in the juke box, got change for pool and started playing alone. The place was pretty dead.
Jason came up and said you play with yourself all the time? Said no, just for the first couple of games to warnm up.
We've been together every since. I'll probably be with him till I'm old and gray. We have this deal tho, we don't do marriage.
posted on October 28, 2001 09:02:12 AM new
It's all about poetry...
I met my husband in college and we've been together almost 10 years (in 2 weeks it will be 10 yrs anyway). We lived in the same dorm and I had seen him a few times in the TV lounge. He was (and is) cute, but I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was 22. I figured that I needed to finish college and find a job more than I needed a man.
A few weeks passed and there was a poetry reading on the other side of campus. I wanted to go. I asked all of my friends if they would go and nobody could make the time and I happened to walk past him, so I asked something like "Hey, do you like poetry?" And he thought for a minute and said "yeah, I guess so". We had an excellent time. I heard all about his grandparents and found out that he wasn't a tree climber, but wanted to be and that he liked to fly kites. We shared the same "off base" sense of humor (and still do).
I had never asked a guy out before, so the moral of my story is to get brave if you need to and make that first move.
PS-- He actually doesn't care for poetry all
that much. Before he met me he thought I was "stuck up" because I was very quiet (and shy) and he mistook my shyness for vanity.
Can I can I please??