posted on April 17, 2002 08:35:26 PM new
NYCNY, Truly, I can feel your pain in nearly every post you make. Have you had any counseling? I know other people in NYC that are also having a hard time but they seem to have formed groups to help themselves or go to counseling. If you are having a hard time just leaving your home you do need to do something about that. If leaving NY is the answer for you then just pick up and go . Sell everything you can and do it. Do you own a car? I know most in NYC don't and that does make it harder.
posted on April 17, 2002 08:35:27 PM new
No I probably don't know what kind of pain you are in. It seems to be more post tramatic stress than literal pain right? That is something I have not experienced much - just the literal kind you slap a narcotic patch on and it eases. Your job sounds hard. If you are upset and unhappy where you are maybe almost any change of scene would be good for you.
If you sold everything you have too big to carry, abandoned the rest, and took your last pays without paying anyone for a month would that give you enough road money to go to say Orlando or Atlanta? One soft bag each?
If you do that get traveler's checks so you don't have to worry about cash. First thing you do in new town is get a cell phone so you have a number for job hunting.
posted on April 18, 2002 06:21:34 AM new
Yeah, I need someone, solid, rational, objective & very smart to talk to for about 10 hours. Think they are so easy to find?
This should be a movie. Well, that sounds grandiose. Could be a movie. They rolled another one in yesterday. She says "The Contenders"; I say "Nuts".
I need a disabillity lawyer. I definitely need some kind of lawyer. The Union? LOL! That's a thread in itself I would think.
Just pack up and split. Reminds me of the guy who walked out saying "I can't take it anymore" and disappeared. (Wife & kids too.) We all thought he off'd himself. Finally days later he answered his cell phone. He was in Indiana. "What are you doing?" "Driving." "When are you coming back?" "I don't know."
posted on April 18, 2002 06:42:05 AM new
"Just pack up and split"
If you can do that you'll be immediately refreshed, like magic. You'll feel it within a couple of hours. Don't go to a particular place but don't head in a direction that will aim you toward cold - instead trust that you'll know it when you see the right place.
When you do stop, get a room or something and sit back and ask yourself "am I worse off than I was?" It sounds like your answer will be "No." If it is then get on about your business like you'd always been there.
Don't go asking whether or not you're happy. Happiness is a sick myth, and anyone who makes claim to it is either a liar or deranged.
posted on April 18, 2002 07:29:10 AM new
I wonder if moving is an answer. It may provide a short term distraction but in the long run, you will still be left with the same problems that you started out with. Happiness is only a temporary delirium.
I like a bumper sticker that I saw recently...I'm always smiling because I never know what's going on.
posted on April 18, 2002 07:45:56 AM new
There are disability lawyers that specialize for example in Social Security disability claims and they work on contingemcy. However even if you have a long contribution history the max. benefit per month is about $1500 and I doubt that that would do more than pay the rent in NY. Of course you could pursue the claim there then move with a guarenteed income that would be significant in say Georgia.
You are going to have to see a doctor and have your burn out documented to do that (pursue a disability claim)and it sounds like you need to anyway.
posted on April 18, 2002 08:42:54 AM new
gravid, SS Disability is only granted now in cases where the person is having severe difficulties in performing the normal Activites of Daily Living, such as feeding, dressing, bathing, toileting, ect. You have the right to an informed opinion -Harlan Ellison
posted on April 18, 2002 10:11:45 AM new
I feel bad for you, and I agree with everyone else that you need some kind of change. I don't know if just moving would be the answer. You can get away from the scene, but not the experience. That will be with you the rest of your life where ever you live.
Like Rawbunzel said there are groups and counselors that are dealing in this specific area. They're not going to look for you, you have to seek them out on your own. Even if it's just talking and sharing, maybe they can tell you where and how to apply for disability.
Snowy, I think she is at the point where it is affecting her daily life. She's having problems at work, and her depression is obvious. I'll bet she has a hard time just getting out of bed to face the day. Daily chores like shopping for food, then cooking it are like trying to climb a mountain. Is that close, nycyn?
posted on April 18, 2002 10:53:13 AM new
No, choco, the criteria is can a person physically perform those activities that go under ADL. Can the person get to the toilet without assistance, bring a spoon or fork to the food and get it to their mouths, bathe themself, ect. The forms are extremely specific now, and the person must also be under a doctor's care. NYCyn has a child in the house. A lawyer would be the way to go, but gravid is right about the max monthly amount. That doesn't go to far in NYC.
You have the right to an informed opinion -Harlan Ellison
posted on April 18, 2002 11:21:32 AM new
I just applied for SS and the way it was put to me was can you no longer do the work that you are accustomed to doing and are you retrainable for other work? If you are over 50 you are viewed as not very trainable.
I am well over 50 - extremely hard of hearing which makes extensive retraining difficult - have asthma and severe athritis. I do have a number of things I can't do anymore - I can't do my laundry anymore. I can shop but I can't bring stuff in from the car. I can cook but I have to sit to peel and cut stuff. I can't use the phone at all. I used to do heavy machine shop work and stand all day or push big pieces of steel around. I can no more do that than fly by flapping my arms.
Mental illness is just as debilitating as physical but it is regarded with an ignorant stigma that they should just snap out of it - that it is a defect of character. Society is still at the witch burning mind set stage about people who can not control their brain chemistry. Might as well blame someone for getting liver cancer.
posted on April 18, 2002 12:14:55 PM new
Yes, I agree snowy, those are the criteri for a physical disability and/or pain. However, with a psychological disability you may have the same problems as with a physical disability.
Gravid is right you must not be able to perform the job you are accustomed to doing. Perhaps this is another reason she is on desk duty. She may not be able to do that for long either, because, her emotions, concentration, and judgement may be impaired.
She wouldn't be going for permanent disability. She does need some help at the moment to get though this crisis whether it be as counseling or disability. The counseling may determine a psychological disability.
posted on April 18, 2002 01:54:57 PM new
There is always workers compensation . You CAN get that for stress related problems. You would have to stay in NYC to get it most likey, not sure how that works but you might be able to move out of the city at the very least. There is some beautiful countryside outside the city and I am sure you would feel safer and more at ease away from the city proper. You do need to do something to pull yourself out of this. Getting away, even just for a month or so would give you new perspective and make you more able to know what is the right course to take permanently. You have to do something, it can't be easy on you or your son.
If your only tie to NYC is your job, not family or friends then I still think a move might be the best thing.
Have you spoken to anyone from the Red Cross? I know they help people like yourself and they may have some suggestions for you.
posted on April 18, 2002 02:34:31 PM new
The thing I see here is that having the child is the touchiest factor. She does not want to do ANYTHING that might make the authorities say she can't provide a safe suitable home for the boy. How much of a factor is that eh?
Someone else could go sign themselves in for treatment for depression or get in the car and go but you don't dare not be home for your boy and you don't dare stop anywhere for long without having a legal residence. Right?
posted on April 18, 2002 03:20:07 PM new
People with kids do it all the time Gravid. Women sleep in thier cars with kids and a dog and no one takes their kids away. Around here they even have a special school for kids in those kinds of situations so they will have one constant in their lives. They try to get housing for people as well. The Salvation Army is good for help finding housing. It is ok to take off and take your kids...it isn't ok to take off and leave them behind. It's not like she'd be traveling around forever. When school ends, if her son is in school, would be the time to go.Unless there is a father in this situation that would complain it doesn't seem to be a problem.
posted on April 18, 2002 03:29:16 PM new
Well, I took an action today. Am checking out disability and running into a lot of walls. I don't need or want SSD. Interestingly, in theory, after PUSHING I got some materials. Don't have a full picture, but it looks like I can get a portion of my salary AND work as long as I don't work for the city. ANd I can go back if I want. (Hell no!) Let's not get too excited.
I need to get out of NYC. Please spare me "The Wherever You Go, You are There" rhetoric.
Gravid: Having a kid is part of it. You don't tell anybody anything about anything. But we don't dare tell anybody about anything anyway.
The Red Cross? Just another name for The Military. There Mental Health division is like 4 years old. The primary purpose of that development is to spy on, excuse me--assist their own, people without telling them they are Mental Health. Trust me. I know what I am talking about. The food was fantastic, but NYC has 8 restaurants on every block. The Red Cross is also the whitest, I mean WHITEST organization I have ever encountered. The were SO white, I've told people, that they made me feel black. (I'm Caucasian.) Plus, of all the groups of nuts I've worked with, these "Nationals" from Mental Health were the craziest. I remember a group of gals coming in all excited about there brand new gigantic 9-11 We Love You WTC Towers tatoos and showing the fresh and bloody icons to anyone who would look. A friend ribbed me and said, "What are we, a foching souvenier?"
I've see a lot in my life. And if you need someone's pieces picked up, or body ID'd, and yada yada that's nothing for me.
The only cognitive-dissonance that I experienced, was what I refer to as The Moon Walk. The rest is primarily local political rage.
posted on April 18, 2002 03:46:50 PM new
chococake:Perhaps this is another reason she is on desk duty. She may not be able to do that for long either, because, her emotions, concentration, and judgement may be impaired.<<
Now, now. I looked at every picture in the newspapers this week.
posted on April 18, 2002 07:03:23 PM new
It's good you are making some progress.
What type of climate do you like? Are you a sun person? Do you like the seaside or the prairie? Have you ever lived anywhere except NYC? What type of place appeals to you?Sounds like with your work background you would have no trouble finding employment in some small city ~ after a nice break, of course.
posted on April 18, 2002 07:32:28 PM new
nycn, I'm sorry you took that to mean you were a basket case. The thought behind "the desk job" was that you would use that to apply for disability, because you don't have an obvious physical disability.
What kind of disability insurance does your employer have? Mine had a very good one, and I got it for two years plus keeping all my benefits. The thing is you can't quit your job or you'll lose everything! But, first you have to get some kind of proof that you can no longer do your job or any other job.
That's why I suggested some kind of counseling to verify it. So many people are getting counseling, and aren't able to work because of 9/11. Go to that bar accross the street and talk to the cops and firefighters about it they may be able to steer you in the right direction.
posted on April 18, 2002 08:00:00 PM new
>>Go to that bar accross the street and talk to the cops and firefighters about it they may be able to steer you in the right direction.<<
Put that under "loss of interest in things that used to be pleasurable" or however it goes. I don't even do that anymore...
Besides, cops and firefighters are Heroes. I never entered rescue looking for a thing. I didn't mind at all. But every day another million is awarded to a whining family with full pension for life already, and college scholarships, or another corporation has adopted a family already set for life is pushed in my face.
And I worry more about THE OTHER GUYS.
ANd I think what set me off too was that it wasso damn hot here, that I had to choose between putting the A/c on or not. I planned to get them steam-cleaned before summer came, to get the crap out, and I have never seen so much pollen covering cars etc, in my life etc. exceeptt in Georgia from the Pines, and my kid has asthma, and I had to make a call I didn't want to have to make, and even with putting the A/c's on exhaust mode, I maay be shooting more chit (asbestos etc.)into the house, and this is the kind of chit that makes me nuts...thanks for listtening.
