posted on April 22, 2001 06:42:30 AM new
Happy Sunday morning everyone!
The yardsale season is upon us once again, and as I often do, I wonder if I'm going to have to learn to be rude to succeed.
Yesterday I arrived early at a yardsale that had advertised 10 chenille bedspreads. The three women in front of me and I chatted while we waited. The ad had said no early sales, and we were quite happy to wait as this person really meant it.
Luckily for me, the three women ahead of me were interested in furniture and glass/dishware, so I gave a small yippee that I was going to be the first one in to pick the best bedspreads.
Ok, the gates open and my roomie and I dash over to the table and pick up 3 perfect bedspreads and 3 still sellable ones at wonderful prices. I bent down to look at a cutter under the table, had my hand on it, and a woman ripped it out of my hand! Then she looked at me gloatingly and said, "Sorry!"
My first thought? "You certainly are."
But seriously, I've heard of stories of people ringing people's doorbells at 630am (which I would think was dangerous out here in the boonies where so many folks have shotguns). I've seen the way some people act at estate sales. It seems silly, but it totally freaks me out.
Will I have to become rude and thoughtless to succeed if I want to deal mainly in the collectibles area?
posted on April 22, 2001 07:01:25 AM new
I've been to some Rummage Sales recently, and in my opinion, they are the WORST as far as rude customers go!
First off, you have to wait in a LONG line outside because they will not open the doors until the clock strikes.
Then, on your way in, everyone is trying to get through the door at the same time. Pushing, shoving, knocking people over, etc.
Then, once you get inside, it's a battle getting anywhere. The last sale I was at I was getting knocked all over the place! I had a bag in my hand that I was filling up and people were knocking me all over the place. The worst thing about it, is no one even says "excuse me" or "sorry", etc. No manners.
I don't think we need to get "rude" to be successful, but if I had something in my hand and someone grabbed it from me, I would definitely stand my ground and hang on to it tightly!
posted on April 22, 2001 08:32:49 AM new
I think the answer to that question can be found by answering this one:
In the circumstances you've described, who walked away with the "good stuff"... and who did not?
I hate rudeness... it isn't fair and it shouldn't be "right"... but doing the "right thing" doesn't always lead to a fair conclusion. Some people are better at accepting this reality than others. *sigh*
It's up to each of us to find the line that we are not willing to cross, draw it and be satified with the results from that choice.
posted on April 22, 2001 08:33:40 AM new
Too many sharks, too little food. That, combined with people being corralled and forced to wait for something akin to a dinner bell to go off, it's no wonder a feeding frenzy ensues.
We live in a rude society to begin with, the death of manners now epidemic. Few people have consideration for others. Those who misbehave at estate sales, rummage sales, etc. seem to believe that because they are pursuing their livelihoods they should not be encumbered by simple things like courtesy, respect, or fair treatment of others. I would say they act like apes, except it would be unfair to apes.
Chimpanzees may be more accurate,. the way they grab at everything, knock it over, pull it towards them stuff it in their bags. Some seem to really enjoy the abandonment of all social graces. They laugh even as they claw and shove and hoard.
I went to a book sale once. Second day of the sale, all books half price. It was a large sale, divided into many sections. But the one section that most dealers had their eye on was the "rare and antique" books table. Since many of these books had been very overpriced on the first day, quite a few were still there on the second day. Well, they opened the doors and two squat, ugly women in the front of the line dashed more quickly than I ever would have guessed they could and made a beeliine to the "rare and antiques" table. They ran side by side towards the table (which was standing in the open, approachable from all sides). As they came within striking range, they swung their boxes into position with one arm, while each extended their other arm out straight. With two great, sweeping motions of their free arms, these two women pushed every last book off the table into their boxes before anyone else could touch them. Every book. Then they scuttled away to a corner, sat down and started going through them one by one to decide which titles to keep and which to leave there on the floor for the volunteers to put back.
It was one of the most repulsive displays of greed I've seen yet. I complained to the people running the sale who clucked and shook their heads and expressed regret, but not one of them approached the women to tell them that they couldn't hoard the books like that.
I could have said something to the women myself, I suppose. But it wouldn't have made a difference. People so brazen don't care what people like me think. I could never do something like that.. I don't know where they find the nerve.
posted on April 22, 2001 08:41:41 AM new
I have often thought an anthropologist could make a very interesting film about behavior at these sales. Related mayhem can also be found at some town-sponsored Easter egg hunts which allow adults onto the field with their children. The pushing and shoving, little kids getting knocked over and stepped on as the adults wage war against each other in their quest to make sure their child gets the most eggs ... what a world.
posted on April 22, 2001 08:45:00 AM new
This is one of the reasons I went from selling glassware/pottery/chalkware to selling new items...I couldn't stand the dog-eat-dog mentality. Whether it was at live auctions, estate sales, or yard sales, cut-throat attitudes abounded.
Now, I obtain inventory at my leisure, on my own terms.
I still have boxes full of glassware, ornaments, books, etc, etc, but, quite frankly, the thought of holding a garage/yard sale and having rude people at my door at 6am isn't very appealing...
They start showing up two days in advance here. Last time I didn't publish my address, nor a phone number -- NEVER a phone number -- just said "follow signs from Piffle Road on day of the sale" and they still found me.
posted on April 22, 2001 08:54:13 AM new
spazz: I'm NOT justifying it. I agree with everything you said in your lengthy post. I would NOT be able to behave in the way the women at your "example sale" behaved!!
HOWEVER, I am not passive though... and I WOULD have said something... because I believe people like that COUNT on people like you and me NOT saying anything to them. They PREY on the good graces of OTHERS while reaping the rewards of rudeness.
I would have at LEAST made them uncomfortable with LOUD and PUBLIC ridicule. It might not have stopped them THAT time (for it was obviously too late, they were into it and human nature tends to have folks defending themselves and their "right to be" regardless) BUT.... it might make them tone it down NEXT time.... ESPECIALLY if they recognize you also waiting for the doors to open.
Life is NOT fair... but we don't have to be passive about it either. (know what I mean?)
Sometimes ya just gotta take the Bull by the horns and turn it around... find a better way to make things happen for YOU with positive results.
In the end... we shouldn't waste our time beating ourselves up about what we aren't willing to do in order to succeed. It's better to think of ways to improve our chances the next time that situation comes up.
posted on April 22, 2001 09:01:13 AM new
Well, you got me there, Dottie. I probably should have said something. Thing is, I can['t seem to find the middle ground between righteous anger and stark raving madman. Probably I would have come out of that confrontation as the one who looked bad for bullying two women.
posted on April 22, 2001 09:05:55 AM new
While I am NOT defending the rude womans behavior, perhaps she did not know that you intended to purchase the spread. You said that your hand was on it but she may have thought you were hanging onto the table or something (to make it easier to stand?). Maybe she didn't see your hand?
I think you could have simply told her something like "I am buying that one", and she would have had to drop it. NO, you don't need to be rude to succeed, but you do need to stand up for yourself sometimes.
I am sorry this happened to you but this is my opinion.
posted on April 22, 2001 09:15:20 AM new
spaz: I understand that kind of concern. Where are the fine lines between letting things happen to you... making them happen for you... and stepping on others?
I used to be extremely passive. That just got me beaten down (literally). *sigh*
For me... the lines are the difference between passive prey, adamant passion and self-serving aggression.
Find your own middle ground and be satisfied with the results of your choices. That's the best any of us can do, I think.
posted on April 22, 2001 09:20:43 AM new
Wow Sadie!
10 chenille bedspreads?? I would be in HOG HEAVEN! I have a chenille obsession. If you would like to send me your auction info, I'd love to check them out and see if I can use them! ([email protected])
There are a LOT of rude people at estate and garage sales, but the funny thing is that they are all so busy buying stuff that is so plentiful on eBay. I can go in late and still find some great buys, plus the people are usually ready to deal by then as well.
Of course I haven't been hunting in a while so my auctions are suffering due to lack of interesting items to offer. Will my in-laws ever go home so I can concentrate on eBay again?!?!?!?!
posted on April 22, 2001 09:27:37 AM new
I've never been to an estate sale and around here the spend-and-acquire-only-new-and-famous-labels mentality is so entrenched (wealthy area) that me and the lower income people from across town are the only ones I see at yard sales. Occasionally I will see another person who I recognize from my flea market days but like others said they are usually looking for the obvious: glass, old toys, and other blatant collectibles. Whereas I'm usually picking through the clothing area with the mommies. I've never in my life managed to get to a yard sale before 9 am and yet I have made a sufficient amount of money doing it this way (both as a flea market seller for years and now on Ebay).
I'm thinking that we must live in different parts of the country, or different types of neighborhoods, judging by what you are saying about people's greed. People around here don't want to get their hands dirty with someone else's 'old stuff' let alone fight over it, so people like me (the reseller) and people like the poor (end users) have the advantage. In other areas with a different outlook, I guess you're going to have catfights. I can't imagine wanting anything bad enough to be rude over it.
The rudest I have ever been in my life was once a decade ago at a yard sale, though. I saw two uppity ladies jogging in their Rodeo Drive jogging suits by the large yard sale I was attending in one of the less fortunate parts of town. they looked at each other and stopped to take a peek. They found some nice antique type things they wanted and started to haggle very rudely with the seller making comments like 'i'll take this old thing off your hands...it's got a tiny flaw here, and this is loose, etc., you don't really expect to get $$$ for it, my friend is an antique dealer and I KNOW what these go for'....etc. and on and on. The poor seller obviously did not want to give her items away for nothing but was too polite to say anything so I said to these 'ladies' "It's incredibly tacky to try to haggle in THIS part of town when you're carrying a Louis Vuitton fanny pack". They were shocked and said something rude back, which I answered with "Why don't you save your money for your next face-lift?" They RAN away and the seller thanked me. I didn't even want the items, I just get so tired of people's crappy behavior. She sold the same items while I was still looking around for full price.
I would not be so bold these days since I am now sagging in some of the same places. :-0
But I still hate to see people take advantage of sellers. yes, we all want a good price, but I know 'taking advantage' when I see it---I will not haggle with a fair or low price. Everyone can make their own decisions but this is mine and I hate seeing sellers railroaded into lowering their prices when they are already excellent. in these days of layoffs, an increasing number of people in my well to do neighborhood are having yard sales not to get rid of some stuff but to make the mortgage or rent payment---even if they don't look poor. My personal choice is to haggle only when the price is outrageous and obviously meant to be bartered down a bit, such as with some ethnic sellers who clearly LOVE a haggling war. YMMV but that's just my 10 cents....can you make that 5 cents? hahaha.
posted on April 22, 2001 09:32:55 AM new
Great thread, but what I sincerely believe is:
What goes around comes around.
If you don't agree, just wait a little while longer.
posted on April 22, 2001 10:02:23 AM new
brighid868,
"ethnic sellers who clearly LOVE a haggling war"
So it's NOT OK to have Louis Vuton fanny packs but it's OK to view nasty traits such as hagling to those of ethnicity?
Do you like animals, or is it just some races you have a problem with?
Please excuse me if I misunderstood your view of 'ethnics'.
posted on April 22, 2001 10:33:06 AM newSo it's NOT OK to have Louis Vuton fanny packs but it's OK to view nasty traits such as hagling to those of ethnicity?
Try as you might, you won't find anything in Brighid's post that characterizes "haggling" as a nasty trait.
You, austbounty, are the one who put the negative spin on it. There are those who consider haggling a part of business, at times amusing, at times annoying, but nothing like a "nasty trait."
Sounds to me like you're looking for a fight and manufacturing "slurs" to justify it.'
posted on April 22, 2001 10:45:23 AM new
Well spazmodeus, while your speaking for brighid868, do you think he/she means that when sellers of ethnicity ask a price which she deems excessive that they are only asking such a price to encourage hagling.
If not then , please explain
posted on April 22, 2001 10:56:19 AM new
I think what brighid868 was probably referring to is not a "trait: per se but a the ethnic custom of haggling, usually middleastern. Sellers of that ethinic background can be quite put off if the buyer doesn't attempt to haggle.
As for austbounty....
If you wish to "appear" superior to everyone, jump on a trite statement and beat it to death. Hope you are satisfied, now go away and leave people who make innocent statements alone.
posted on April 22, 2001 11:02:05 AM new
Well now back to the topic at hand,
You see sadie999, as with people that make racist comments, if you and others around you don't promptly act when someone oversteps their grounds at a yard sale well then they will always do it to you or at the places you frquent.
now I've heard everything--- imagine people that are ofended if you don't attempt ot hagle their price down, perhaps the ladies with the fany packs were being real philanthropists.
[ edited by austbounty on Apr 22, 2001 11:05 AM ]
posted on April 22, 2001 11:13:57 AM new
In middleastern countries it is offensive not to haggle. Also, if you are invited to dinner, after the meal, belch very loudly lest your host be VERY offended. Not every country subscribes to the drive-by shopping we americans practice. Some actually want to interact with human beings once and a while in an atmosphere of mutual respect.
posted on April 22, 2001 11:16:10 AM new
I'm glad I read this before heading out the door to the flea market. Reminds me of the time a tiny, little old lady of about 80 almost knocked me down in a mad dash to sign up for a popular flower arranging class. A pack of seniors beat me to the table and I missed out. Still, I couldn't see pushing my way to the front and disrespecting my elders. I guess I was raised wrong!
I wrote a short story about the fight for bargains from the perspective of a brazen woman who took no prisoners. It is called "No Blood, No Foul". She does things I'd never have the nerve to do. I'm living vicariously through my writing!
Have fun at the garage sales, but let's be careful out there.
posted on April 22, 2001 11:20:43 AM new
There are lots of rude people at garage sales............I don't set out to be rude......but I dish it right back when it is given to me.........I have to.........or I will not have inventory to sell......it is the nature of the game where I live. There is one lady who goes out of her way to be rude to me........has a consignment shop.......she started it........is always rude...........it makes my whole day when I am coming out of the driveway with all the good stuff just as she is getting out of her car. I have tried being nice, I have tried ignoring her, but the only thing that shuts her up is when I don't put up with her crap! She has learned that she is not going to snatch things from me, or make any attempt to push me aside. When I see her already at a Garage sale........many times I just move on to the next one to get ahead of her.............it is incredible how with 40 garage sales to choose from........we map out the exact same path most of the time.
posted on April 22, 2001 11:24:21 AM new
mark090 is right. My husband is from Thailand... and we visit there frequently. It is customary for folks to "haggle over the price" of something - ESPECIALLY if it's at Chat-tu-chet (which is like a big huge Flea Market).
They don't have garage sales over there... so that would be the closest thing to a yard sale or garage sale here, I suppose.
Even in some of the retail outlets... if you know enough of the language to "haggle" a bit... they really do enjoy it.
If you don't haggle over the price... it makes them wonder if they were offering it for too little amount of baht (their money).
"Haggling" is a sign that they are asking an amount that's "in the ballpark" of what should be expected... something reasonable, and they are flattered by your interest. If you buy without haggling, they second guess their asking price and if you just walk away without haggling, they think you believe they are too overpriced to even bother.
In finer shops though (like in retail outlets at the mall etc.)... they don't expect to haggle.
BUT... that IS in another country. NOT HERE... so we shouldn't expect the same rules to necessarily apply.
posted on April 22, 2001 02:03:30 PM new
My statements were meant to illustrate that haggling when it is unwelcome is rude but haggling when it IS welcome is perfectly fine with me. Women with plenty of discretionary funds haggling with someone who was clearly uncomfortable because she was hoping to make a profit at a yard sale in order to keep her electricity turned on strikes me as rude and worthy of my ire.
On the other hand, as it has been pointed out by posters here, the traditions in many cultures are at variance with the typical American way of doing business. In the middle east, for instance, haggling is NOT unwelcome but is positively encouraged as it is seen as a part of the sale and a sociable thing to do. A middle eastern person I worked next to for years at flea markets, for instance, once commented to me that "Most American buyers are so cold. They just throw down their money and walk away." She loved the bantering, Whereas, I could not stand the chit-chatters and hagglers! what a difference. Two friends with totally different opinions about customers. Takes all kinds and for that I am grateful.
In dealing with persons such as these who see haggling as fun & sociable, there is nothing wrong with bartering if you want to because BOTH participants see it as beneficial. I don't personally like to do it (not my thing) but I can appreciate it when I see two good hagglers going head to head.
My beef is when potential buyers start pressuring sellers to haggle when they clearly (body language, expression, words) indicate they don't want to. A more sensitive and appropriate behavior, if you MUST get the item cheaper, would be to say, I'm sorry, that's more than I want to pay, and walk away. If the seller really wanted to haggle they can ALWAYS call you back by naming a lower price.
I fail to see how pointing out that haggling is acceptable to some ethnic groups more than others is racist. I happen to be an admirer of good hagglers. What I DON'T like is people who haggle rudely or unfairly.
Do you think we should just pretend that all cultures are exactly alike and never ever comment on their differences? That's not a very inclusive attitude. But since you've already decided I'm a racist, I'm sure you're not interested in anything I have to say.
posted on April 22, 2001 02:06:55 PM new
Even HAVING a garage sale these days takes a lot of patience if you aren't already on Prozac...the day beforers, the crack of dawners for a 9am sale, the wanna talk you downers, the I'm too important & busy to have manners group.
We enjoy matching wits w/them. Of course, it helps if you have a place w/a gate. Last time, we just shut the gate & let the horses into the front yard..that managed to keep out 99% of the day before people.
Had one who braved it though. Gave me this great story of how they had to attend their granddaughter's b'day the next day & could they look around. (BTW, if you are going to try this...try NOT to bring a truck filled w/obvious other garage sale buys along the way) I said they could LOOK but NOTHING would be pre-sold.
I kept on working only to find them later w/their arms full or merchandise & wanting to bargain. I told them, again, NO presales. Gave me the bday excuse again. Said, sorry..maybe they'd make our next one & made them put it ALL back.
Oddly, did manage to see them the next day & when I mentioned the bday party, I just got a nasty look.
Knowing people would be knocking at our door before dawn, we kept the gates closed, the horses in the yard & put up a "beware of doberman" sign. Now he'd die of fright if anyone spoke to him but he looks pretty fierce when he barks.
Not only didn't anyone brave the gate, not ONE person dared even got out of their car, until we came out, removed the horses to the back pasture & took the doberman inside.
One lady came charging over w/one of my big pyrex dishes I'd marked a whole 50 cents. She proceeded to tell me that she'd just come from a garage sale where items like this had been marked 25 cents & that's what she was offering.
I calmly told her I hoped she remembered the route to the previous one because at THIS garage sale, the dish was 50 cents. She paid it.
Had one dealer who proceeded to talk uglies about an item I had (thinking he was going to get the price marked down..heck, it was already cheap!). He kept on & on & on, remarking on flaws real & imagined (and none too nicely either).
Finally I reached over, gently took it out of his hands & said, "You know, I didn't realize this item was so badly damaged, I couldn't possibly sell something that bad to anyone." Went over & dropped it (gently) into our big trash can.
He about wet himself but I refused to sell it. After he left (w/o the item), I got it back out, put it back on the shelf & someone else bought it for the original price.
If you know how these people think..you can actually have a bit of fun AND make some money at the same time!
