posted on March 13, 2003 08:45:42 AM newShop4shoes, you really should stop.. you don't know what kind of crazy you are dealing with...
Since my last raging reply, I have not had time to respond in an appropriate manner.
She doesn't know who she is dealing with. I refuse to pushed around. That is the problem with the net. Bullies think they can insult and harass others anonymously with impunity. I am not putting up with it anymore from anyone.
I have had a few cyberstalkers. Back in the days when anyone could pull your full contact info on ebay. One thought he was a real bada** until, I emailed him one day, with his full name, address, how much he paid for his house and how much alimony he paid his ex-wife each month. He pretended I had him confused with someone else. That same day I got an email from his stalker alter ego apologizing and saying it was all "a huge comedy of errors". He allegedy though I was an "old roomate". The loser started his harassment, because I told him I did not sell custom photos of my feet.
Sending an intentional virus?
I wonder if it was intentional. Maybe her workplace just has crappy virus protection.
She is now NARU from ebay. I had nothing to do with that. I wonder what other shenanigans she was up to. I guess her "brother at ebay" couldn't protect her from getting the boot. NO pun intended.
posted on March 13, 2003 08:59:43 AM newGet a life!!.
Got one. And a really good one at that.
The only reason that you can act so "tough" is that you know that there is a 100% chance that this person will not show up on your doorstep.
I don't "act" anything. I am who I am and that is all that I am.
There isn't a 100% chance of anything. That domain is registed in my name with a very real address to one of my boutiques. She could show up. Know what? I ain't losing any sleep over it.
Why share this with others? There are some people on this board that actually live in the real world,you know, house cars,friends (flesh and blood) problems, solutions and real life confrontations that we deal with in a smart and sensible way. Maybe the rules are different in this "cyber life" that you have created for yourself.
Mmmmm. This is the ebay board. This related to ebay. Should I have posted here about my search for a new refigerator?
Yeah in my "world" there are no homes, cars, friends, problems, solutions or real life confrontations. I guess that mortgage payment that comes out of my account each month is a figment of my imagination.
The other problem is "Association". If other sellers treated their customers so poorly I woud have to get a real job (as my mother-in-law calls it).
Ahhh. Now I see why your mother-in-law thinks you need a real job. You consider people that email you, customers. As to those of us who actually consider people that spend money, customers. Maybe the rules are different in your "real world", but they are pretty standard in mine...customers are those that buy something.
Just wondering, why didn't you turn her in for trying to buy from you outside of eBay?
posted on March 13, 2003 09:16:27 AM newBullies think they can insult and harass others anonymously with impunity. I am not putting up with it anymore from anyone.
Nice thought, glad you are sleeping soundly...right now...
posted on March 13, 2003 09:36:04 AM new
secondmoon:
We really don't know much about each other on this board. We look at and live our lives in different ways.
Shop4shoes can be: abrasive, abusive and arrogant and offensive. I have never found any of her postings as offensive as your use of the word "retards".
posted by secondmoon on March 2, 2002 10:58:33 AM
We have all said and done some really stupid things in the past. I know I have been guilty of some doozies. Whenever I commit a faux pas, I tend to look around and make sure nobody heard or saw what I did, and then if they, try to figure out how to deny what I just did.
Unlike shop4hshoes who is honest enough to post here in all of her flawed glory, you prefer to deny your faults. I wish I could live in your "real world".
posted on March 14, 2003 08:52:04 AM newshop4shoes what did you say to her in response to her latest barrage? I've been mentally sketching out replies in my head all day, but I have no doubt you've come up with something far better.....
posted on March 14, 2003 09:54:01 AM new
I haven't responded at all. I have been pretty busy.
Last night, I got the following in my email.
Hello, I am writing to you concerning the emails you have gotten from my email address. My daughter-in-law used my email account to send letters to you and other ebay sellers. I would like to apologize for the content of the letters and any problems caused by them. If I had been aware of the problem earlier, I would have acted sooner. You can be assured this will not occur again.
I have purchased from you many times over the years and know that you are honest and have beautiful things.
My main ebay id is, xxxxxxxxxx. I have 2 others that I purchase items under, xxxxxx & xxxxxx. She sent emails from an address connected to the seceond id.
Once again, my most humble apologies. I hope you will continue to allow me to do business with you.
Best Wishes xxxxxx
Her main user id is one of my oldest and nicest customers. She is wonderful. The other id is the one with the work address, that I got the last emails from.
I guess her daughter-in-law found out her password and used it. If that isn't the case she has a heck of an alter ego and needs to see a therapist about her "dark place".
posted on March 14, 2003 10:37:35 AM new
This is interesting. I learned early that because I trade out of a smaller area in RL that it wasn't wise to ever "lose it" with a customer because they may have friends or relatives that would shop in my store.
But I also learned that I couldn't take abuse from one person just to please the people that they happened to know. When I was forced to confront the abusive customers or treat them in a different way I usually found out that they had mental problems and were at times off their medication. Their friends and family understood the position I was in and it didn't affect my business. Some of these "problem people" are steady customers and I have learned how to treat them and they treat me well in return. But a couple have been banned from my shop.
There are also a few customers that are just mean snotty b!tches and I tolerate them because they do buy. But their friends and relatives have the same opinion of them and that's how they refer to them. I never comment on it to anyone as I just want the money from all of them and don't want to be caught in the middle.
posted on March 14, 2003 11:13:50 AM newBut I also learned that I couldn't take abuse from one person just to please the people that they happened to know
That is the way things are handled in my stores.
I have one lady that is rotten. She made one of my employees cry. She tried it with me and got the tounge lashing of her life and escorted to the door.
Her daughters come in without her all the time. They are great and spend lots of money. They are also very apologetic and embarassed for their mother. Their dad comes in also sometimes. Usually after his wife has gone home to tell him how I treated her. When he does come in he drops a bundle. I know it is guilt spending, but I love it. After a really bad encounter with his wife, (the only time he has ever been in the store with her) he sent me and the employees that were working at the time, gift certificates to a local restaurant.
I haven't banned the witch from the store...yet. We have an unspoken truce, she does not abuse my employees and I don't ban her. She saves it all up for me.
One of her daughters told me one day, "Mom isn't right sometimes". Truer words were never spoken.
posted on March 14, 2003 12:02:39 PM new
I do get sick of the old line "the customer is always right". That is total doodoo. I get that from my customers sometimes as well, and I just explode at them.
posted on March 14, 2003 12:19:04 PM new
One customer was banned because he chased me with an axe. One because he smashed one of my large glass windows with a rock, and one because she bought jewelry and clothing and then would get drunk and ruin them and would come back foul-mouthed and very threatening and expect a return.
One was banned because he would show up at closing time and tell me that the little voices in his head were telling him to do things to me. He is now allowed back and the little voices in his head entertain him with grandiose tales of his world travels though he never leaves the area.
No, the customer is not always right and anyone who believes this may lose a lot of money over it and could also lose their life over it.
posted on March 14, 2003 12:19:31 PM new
These types of buyers are a part of selling online and can't be avoided. The best policy is to hit the "delete" button and move on to bigger and better things. Responding just fuels the fire and wastes valueable time and energy.
posted on March 14, 2003 01:51:08 PM newThese types of buyers are a part of selling online and can't be avoided.
There are probably sellers like this also. I'm sure that many function quite well on their meds but have trouble if they go off them. Others are sent over the edge by stress and family problems.
posted on March 14, 2003 02:15:12 PM new
kiara: My cutomers must be relatives of yours.
I had one nut that would get drunk at a nearby bar and tell everyone in it that she owned my store. She would offer discounts and freebies to people at the bar. They would come in later wanting the discount or freebie. When I wouldn't comply they would threaten to have me fired by their "friend who owns" the store.
Another guy used to urinate on one of my doors several times a week. He thought one of my employees "dug" him and was "into that".
Another guy used to hang around outside and glefully insult people that were coming into or leaveing the store. He would leave when I asked, but he couldn't stay away long. One thing about him, he could sure pick out people that had given us hell. He must have a 6th sense for that.
posted on March 14, 2003 11:18:27 PM new
After reading all of your comments & how you reacted, I think you were totally out of control. You need to take a course in anger management. No one in their right mind would say & do the things that you did. The next time you blow up, it might be at aember of your family, & GOK what might occur. Give this some thought, if the person had been in your presence, would you have said or wrote these things? If so, what would have occured after that?
posted on March 15, 2003 12:13:29 AM newAfter reading all of your comments & how you reacted, I think you were totally out of control.
So...
You need to take a course in anger management.
That is about the most trite thing anyone can say to anyone. "Anger management" is yet another stupid catch phrase, like "time out", that really means nothing except some psychologist is making 90 bucks an hour.
No one in their right mind would say & do the things that you did.
Now I see why you used the term "anger managment". You are a trained psychologist...
The next time you blow up, it might be at aember of your family, & GOK what might occur.
Your point is, what? Do you really think that my family has never seen me blow up? Do you think they are sitting around right now going, we are so lucky, we have the only relative on this planet that has never lost her temper in front of a family member?
Who is GOK? Is he a trained psycologist or a psychic?
Give this some thought, if the person had been in your presence, would you have said or wrote these things? If so, what would have occured after that?
No thought needed. I have said them. I would have said them. No need to waste time writing if she is in my presence.
Well....many things COULD occur
1) Nacho Cheese Doritos could become odor free
2) The Clippers could win the NBA championhip
3) Bill Gates could release the crash-free version of windows that he uses on his personal computers
4) She cold have a '66 cadillac for sale and we could end up friends after I buy it
5) She could haul her a** out of my store
6) Donny Osmond could sing a duet with me of: I'm a little bit country
7) She could kidnap my CAT
8) Parliment Funk could let me take Bootsy's place when he is rehab
9) I could find a neverending Slurpee, that does not melt and changes to whatever flavor I am thinking about
10) I could stop giving the kids that sell candy door-to-door a hard time
posted on March 15, 2003 01:09:43 AM new
I see nothing to indicate being "out of control" or not in her "right mind".
People that are out of control most often lash out at anyone for no apparent reason. Same with people that are not in their right minds.
Shop4 lashed out at someone that provoked her. It isn't like she picked a random innocent buystander and decided to scream obcenities at him. She did not respond to any of the buyer's subsequent emails. That does not show a lack fo control.
The more I read, the more I laugh at her reply.
It seems that buyers are becoming more pushy and aggressive. Each seller has to decide how much abuse he will take. Recently my abuse threshold has been declining. I plan to take a break from selling on ebay soon. If a buyer had sent me a letter like the one shop4 got I would probably be the one posting here.
posted on March 15, 2003 09:21:03 AM new
I think this has much to do with gender. Picture this, an abusive customer and "George" is the seller/business owner. He fires back just as much abuse at the customer and tells him to get lost. Right away there would be nods of approval from the people that witnessed it.
"Way to go, George!"
"Good for you, George!"
"George sure told them what he thought!"
"Ya, he really showed them who was boss!"
"George doesn't take sh!t from anyone!"
"You handled that great, George!"
And they would all be cheering and clapping and patting George on the back and offering to buy him a beer.
Now, the exact same scenario with the abusive customer and "Suzie" is the seller/business owner and she fires back the very same abuse that George did.
First there would be stunned silence. Then the following comments:
"OH MY! What's wrong with Suzie?"
"Suzie really lost it, didn't she?"
"She must be suffering from PMS"
"Yes, it must be that time of the month"
"Suzie is over the edge, I think she's off her meds"
"Wow, is she ever a B!tch!"
"I think she needs mental help"
"She needs an anger management course"
And they would gather around Suzie and ask if she was okay and if she needed something to calm her down.
There are still many men and women who are intimidated when the female takes control in a situation and says what she wants to. I see it on the boards here when Fluffy or shop4shoes and a few others speak their minds. I have been speaking my own mind here for years and now I have someone accusing me of speaking for others or getting my material from a movie I have never seen. Maybe some day these attitudes will change.
posted on March 15, 2003 10:19:03 AM new
Kiara - I don't know...maybe perceptions are a matter of gender, even though I didn't think that at all. There have been a few people here stating that sellers have to watch out, mind their manners when dealing with the public, because who knows what they might do. You know the first thing I thought of when hearing the response from shop4shoes? "Hell yeah! You tell her!"
Has anyone ever thought that, perhaps, buyers better use some manners as well? It goes both ways, and there is no way I'm going to sit idle and listen to some idiot rant and rave at me in an email. Ain't gonna happen. There's a lot of stupid people out there, and sometimes they need to shown the error of their ways. And for the concerns about cyberstalkers, or people showing up at my doorstep...while these are legitimate concerns, that would be the wrongest thing they'd ever do. And yes, I sleep very well at night.
Could shop4shoes be losing money by responding like this? Most likely. But would you really want that customer for yourself?
"Who's tending the bar? Sniping works up a thirst"
posted on March 15, 2003 10:26:48 AM new
Kiara: You are right on the money.
I come from a family of women.
My great-great-great grandmother had a sister, no brothers.
My great-great grandmother had a sister, no brothers.
My Great Grandmother was an only child. She had two daughters. One daughter (My grandmother) had two daughters. Her other daughter had no children.
Until my cousin was born in my generation chicks ruled.
We have always been successful in business. Have always made our own decisions and have never relied on any man for help. It can be intimidating to some men to have a strong willed woman.
People that know us are so used to our ways it doesn't faze them.
About 7 years ago my grandmother was having some problems with a repairman my cousin hired. I told him a few choice words and exactly what I would do if the job wasn't done properly and on time. Man to man he called up my cousin and told him that I was "hard to deal with" and "don't take this the wrong way, your cousin is a b*tch".
My cousin drove over to my grandmother's to see what was going on her. He saw the work that was being done and raged on the guy even worse than, I did. The repairman didn't call him a "bi*ch" or "hard to deal with", he got on the ball.
posted on March 15, 2003 10:33:18 AM new
shop4shoes - He probably thought that you didn't know what you were talking about, so how dare you ride him! I guess you and Kiara are right...there still is a lot of that out there. My wife is very strong willed as well, and opinionated...and I get such a kick when she chews someone out when they deserve it! I truly enjoy the fact that my wife can take care of herself.
Getting back to eBay related matters, you've got my backing in this matter (as if you really care! )...and my condolences on your recent loss.
"Who's tending the bar? Sniping works up a thirst"
[ edited by koto1 on Mar 15, 2003 10:33 AM ]
posted on March 15, 2003 12:28:43 PM new
I had another recent incident with a customer who had an electronic item break in shipping. I sent it UPS and he stated he refused to agree to an insurance claim because it wasn't packaged properly - I didn't use enough peanuts. I explained in 3 seperate (calmly worded) emails that UPS has instructed me not to use peanuts on heavy items because they will move around too much and that I lined the box with styrofoam and packaged it tight and that I was going to file the claim and refund his money when I got approval. He kept sending ranting emails about his glorious feedback rating (it was 23) and how he knows how to package items. Finally I sent another email saying basically "I'm filling the insurance claim with or without your approval as I'm sure it will be fine with UPS and I will keep you updated. When I get approval do you want a check or money order". It's basically the same thing I said all along except this time I signed my husbands name to the email. I got the sweetest response that basically said thanks for the information, a check will be fine.
posted on March 15, 2003 01:47:52 PM newHe probably thought that you didn't know what you were talking about, so how dare you ride him!
The beauty of it all is that my grandmother ended up firing him, because he was "incompetent" and "talked down" to her. We came over to her house. She was eating cheescake and pouting in a corner of her sofa. She fired him and then started telling him off. He walked away in the middle of her tirade. She said that she still had "a few things to tell that young man".
Getting back to eBay related matters, you've got my backing in this matter (as if you really care! )...
Speaking of backs....I need someone to watch mine when I go shoe shopping. Some of those women are brutal.
posted on March 15, 2003 03:03:12 PM new
shop4shoes,
Very nice work! Your customer got exactly what they asked for.
kiara,
You are right on the money.
sanmar,
Anger management? What BS! If people were taught to use manners and courtesy when dealing with others then situations like this one would not occur. No one should have to put up with customers like that.
"While I would dearly love to engage you in a battle of wits, it is poor sportsmanship to attack an unarmed opponent" - Mike Driscoll
posted on March 15, 2003 04:14:42 PM new
Kiara isn't even close to the money...
Sounds like another feminazi attitude trying to come through, shop4shoes played a dangerous game and luckily may get away with out any real face time from her customer...
Like you had with your customer Kiara:
One customer was banned because he chased me with an axe.
How about explaining how that one ended? Just being banned from the store? Where I come from that is criminal offense....
What were your thoughts as he was chasing you with the ax? I bet it wasn't "Damn I am glad I got the better of him"
The customer may not always be right, but that is no reason to be unprofessional...
Oh and I challenge you to prove this would of been a "slap on the back" if this were a man... I for one would of told the same thing to a man...
The Internet has made it too easy for people to say things to others they wouldn't say face to face....this is a prime example of that type of situation...
Very few people, male or female will spark confrontation when the person is face to face with them.
I am sure there will be incidents of buyers stalking sellers in the future, if it hasn't happend already... is it worth your life or your family's for some mean spirited words in an email?
But trying to turn the dissenters into people who don't understand that some women can take control is pure BS, shop4shoes had no control the minute she pressed "send"
posted on March 15, 2003 04:55:12 PM newWhat were your thoughts as he was chasing you with the ax? I bet it wasn't "Damn I am glad I got the better of him"
This had nothing to do with me getting the better of him. My jewelry supplier was there at the time and he walked in, convinced that a super storm was coming and that it was going to destroy the world in a few minutes. She said she was listening to the radio and didn't hear it. He just went nuts and started to chase us with the axe and she started to beg for her life and apologize to him. He seemed to get angrier so that's when I took control and came at him in a super rage.
My thoughts when he chased me were that I wasn't going to allow him to kill me so I turned my rage on him and he left the shop as I totally freaked at him. Not sure if it was the correct thing to do but it worked. Why, was I supposed to stop and think about how professional I was sounding and acting?
How about explaining how that one ended? Just being banned from the store? Where I come from that is criminal offense....
I called the police and they didn't lay charges because he was off his medication but they banned him from my shop. He caused havoc in other shops and was eventually taken away. Not charged because he was mentally unfit.
Sounds like another feminazi attitude trying to come through
Not at all. I was raised to "always be nice". I had lots of trouble when I started my business because I allowed people to take advantage of me. Any woman or man can start out in business thinking that they will always remain cool and professional. I try to do that daily but depending on the situation it doesn't always work that way.
Sniping works up a thirst"