krs
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posted on June 19, 2001 12:52:51 AM new
WASHINGTON,DC--According to a report released Monday by the Surgeon General's office, 67 percent of U.S. citizens have gigantic fat asses, with that number projected to climb significantly in the next decade.
The report is the latest in a string of dire findings from Surgeon General David Satcher concerning the high percentage of Americans who suffer from fatness of ass.
"The state of the American derriere has reached crisis proportions," Satcher said. "Without immediate steps to rectify this
problem, we can only foresee even more hideously huge backsides as we continue to blimp out into the 21st century." The strongly worded report, in which Americans are alternately described as "porkers," "wide loads," and " whales," attributes the fat asses primarily to poor eating habits, with diets heavy on sugar, starches, and saturated fats. It also cites Americans' lack of exercise and sedentary lifestyles as factors in the trend toward "huge bucket-butts."
In addition, the report found that roughly 185 million Americans are "flab-ass flabbos who couldn't say no to a candy bar if their fat, stupid lives depended on it." It went on to warn that those with "gargantuan, sun-blocking rear ends" stand at greater risk of conditions ranging from heart disease to hideousness.
The Surgeon General said the solution to the national health crisis lies in obese citizens "somehow dredging up the shred of dignity needed to drag their rotund, repellent posteriors to a gym" He also encouraged those with American Fat-Ass Syndrome, or AFAS, to "lay off the sour-cream-and-chive Ruffles."
The report has provoked outrage among the public at large.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3722/surgeon_general.html
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MichelleG
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posted on June 19, 2001 04:56:22 AM new
bitsandbobs
I have deleted your post because, while the image might be appropriate considering the topic, it is not acceptable for the Message Center. 
Michelle
[email protected]
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NearTheSea
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posted on June 19, 2001 07:47:03 AM new
LOL MichelleG and the above post IS appropriate? LOL!!
[email protected]
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gravid
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:59:10 AM new
At last a post I can really relate to. The personification of prejudice. Big Butts of
America(and Australia) Unite! Throw off your chains and belts. Sit upon your weaker
foes. Crush the skinny wimps who design airline seats to fit Somalia famine victims,
and make restaurant booths for pre-schoolers.
Belly flop upon them when their whinny voices interrupt your midmorning
snack. Flash those shining lunar orbs upon the timid eyes that distain your stately mass. Trapped in every skiny wretch is a Suma wrestler wanting to get out.
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spazmodeus
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posted on June 19, 2001 11:07:49 AM new
Hallelujah, it's still okay to make fun of fat people! What would our culture do if we didn't have some group of people to look down upon or snicker at? How are we expected to make ourselves feel good if we can't do it at somebody else's expense?
For those laboring under the repressive atmosphere of political correctness, or even basic respect for other people, this thread will comes as a breath of fresh air. Kudos all around.
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ZILvy
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posted on June 19, 2001 12:18:01 PM new
Gravid, Here's to your toast...damn those mini booths with the 8" clearance from bench back to table edge and unmoveable table to top it off. Being of ample size (width and height)I have made a list of restaurants NOT to frequent. Take out is good! Course they take as little space for seating so that the will have room for a 3'x3' Bathroom where the door swings inward.
The pricier restaurants seem to offer more comfort to go along with the cuisine, but the family chains.....uh uh!
Airline seats, I haven't flown for years, it is more that the bad air is # 1, the cramped seating is # 2. No wonder thrombosis is on the rise after long airline flights...you can't stretch your legs.
How about High School auditoriums where they
anticipate community functions to help bring in revenue...there is not enough clearance in the rows for your knees never mind seat room. And this complaint hails back to when I was much more "Average".
They better not mess with me, if I give 'em a "hip check" they're not gonna know what hit 'em!
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gravid
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posted on June 19, 2001 01:01:50 PM new
I went for x-rays a few months back and they gave me this handkerchief to put on that was so small that I could not even put my arms in the sleeves. If I put an arm in one it stopped just above the elbow because that's as big around as the arm opening got. The other sleeve was then in the middle of my chest. From side to side it went almost half way around me. She asked how am I supposed to get you to x-ray?
I told her I had worn an 6x xtra tall t-shirt so I could wear that and it came down over my rear. I would go bare but the screaming would probably bother them. We got to x-ray and the techie took these calipers and wanted to measure thickness from side to side through my chest.
She looked at them and said "That can't be right." and tried it again. She said "I thought they slipped." but they had not - that's how wide I am. If they put me in a middle couch airline seat my butt fits but at the shoulders I hang about 4 inches each side into the space of the people next to me. Real friendly.
I wear a 22/36 shirt to fit the neck and shoulders. It does get to be a pain.
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bunnicula
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posted on June 19, 2001 01:11:51 PM new
Regardless of where this article came from (I suspect The Onion), the fact is that the subject is the plain truth. We Americans *are* mostly overweight. It is not "making fun" when the truth is noted.
I state this as an overweight person. An honest overweight person. I eat the wrong things & I don't exercise enough. I get sick and tired of hearing "I can't help it", "it's genetic", "it's glandular", etc. etc. etc. from other overweight people. Face it: only a small minority of overweight people actually have a physical problem that causes them to be overweight. The rest, like me, can't be bothered to change our lifestyles in order to get in shape. But I don't expect businesses to change things to suit my extra pounds...
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gravid
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posted on June 19, 2001 02:24:58 PM new
But wouldn't you pay a little better for those who would? Have you priced flying first class lately? Ouch!!!!
Yeah it is the ol' Onion.
Here in sweet Michigan we have the Elliot Larson Act that prohibits discrimination on the basis of size. So if things do get really ugly we do have some leverage. I have been refused a haircut because I was big. It is unusual for someone to actually admit why they don't want to offer you service.
You would think I would be chased away from a buffet before a barber though.
In reality I go with my skinny little friend to an oriental buffet and I can have two or three plates and some soup Maybe a dessert if I had two plates and I get to sit and drink tea while he wolfs down ANOTHER three plates of ribs, crab legs and shrimp in lobster sauce. I saw a waitress take a plate away that still had a chicken wing on it and thought she was going to lose the hand. Where the heck can it all fit?
[ edited by gravid on Jun 19, 2001 02:33 PM ]
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lotsafuzz
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posted on June 19, 2001 03:08:45 PM new
I must admit, on the days when I'm at the gym and the Barbie Clan shows up for their 'wiggle their ass' class, I've had thoughts much like the ones gravid posted.
I laughed my ass off when I came in first in the women's catagory in my last 5K race....some of the skinny folks were really pissed that the 'fat chick' beat them. (Side note: My dad came in 2nd overall in the same race and the 3rd place guy was *really* ticked when he found out my dad's age [about 20 years older than he is] AND that he is a smoker! LOL)
It is true that as a society we are growing rather large. I wish the emphasis was on the health aspect rather than the weight/fashion aspect.
I've lost about 40 pounds since December and while I know I *look* better I am actually more thrilled with the fact that I FEEL so much better. I'm afraid I've become one of those God Awful 'gym people'....you know, the folks that insist on telling OTHERS that they should work out.
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spazmodeus
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posted on June 19, 2001 04:25:03 PM new
Lessafuzz?
Congratulations, Marie. 40 lbs. takes lotsa determination and hard work. 
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lotsafuzz
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posted on June 19, 2001 05:06:19 PM new
Spaz, GrannyFox calls me Lessfuzzy.
Thanks....it has been hard work. I never met a hamburger (with cheese and bacon)that I didn't like, and I'd never set foot in a gym before. So....for me to eat rabbit food (and LIKE it) AND hit the gym three times a week AND particapate in 5K races is, quite frankly, amazing.
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bitsandbobs
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posted on June 19, 2001 05:30:21 PM new
lotsafuzz, Well done! Keep up the great resolve.
michelle, LOL.
I know you zapped my picture but I bet it made you chuckle.
What a bummer!
Bob, Downunder but never down.
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gravid
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posted on June 19, 2001 05:30:47 PM new
40 pounds is a chunk. Good for you. I am looking down at my spare tire right now wondering what it cost a pound to make. Probably would make lobster look cheap.
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hepburn
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posted on June 19, 2001 08:15:53 PM new
Spaz, if you think this topic is bad, do avoid "other places". This is small potato compared to elsewhere.
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Al
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:10:26 PM new
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krs
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:15:15 PM new
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bobbi355
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:23:20 PM new
Wonder how long that'll last ....
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tomwiii
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:29:15 PM new
Where do I bid?????????????????
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bobbi355
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:31:14 PM new
>>>>>BUY IT NOW<<<<<<<<
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pareau
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:37:22 PM new
That is the strangest toilet I've ever seen.
- Pareau
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bobbi355
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:41:01 PM new
Pareau, I was looking at that toilet and was just getting ready to say the same thing! LOL
edited to say it's good to see you
[ edited by bobbi355 on Jun 19, 2001 09:41 PM ]
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bobbi355
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:43:04 PM new
especially the lid!
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ZILvy
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:44:28 PM new
The lid and the seat don't match nor does it look like it would accommodate m'lady's derrier fer shuuure!!
Oh well so much for the focal point of the picture...maybe it's one of those "How many mistakes can you find?" pictures.
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joice
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:46:08 PM new
AHEM! I'm only getting a red x from that image. Should I be deleting it? Would you tell me the truth?
Joice
[email protected]
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bobbi355
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:48:12 PM new
You tell her krs
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ZILvy
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:50:57 PM new
Joice, right click on the X then click on show picture. That should bring it up. Nothing wrong with the picture if you are into people that are built like a truck!
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joice
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:54:21 PM new
ZILvy,
Whilst I may not be a technical guru, this is not my first day on a computer 
I have tried everything and I can't see it but I have a feeling it's in very poor taste and should be deleted BUT I can't see it, so I'm leaving it for Michelleg to deal with 
Joice
[email protected]
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hepburn
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:55:06 PM new
Joice, it is considered "art" and is not crass. Trust me
It is folk art. A painting. Lady that is "large" or what you might call "plus size" standing in front of a mirror in the bathroom with a tub and toilet with her backside showing. No details.
[ edited by hepburn on Jun 19, 2001 09:57 PM ]
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krs
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posted on June 19, 2001 09:57:38 PM new
I don't see it either, Joice
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