posted on April 15, 2001 04:39:58 PM new
I guess I just do not go along with this way of thinking. Ihad an auction end on 4-3-01. Payment should be made within 10 days. I just got an email saying...*I have not sent your money. My dad just got sick and passed away. I will send it when I can think,or you can just re-list.*
Now, again, I am sorry for the persons loss. In saying this, I too have had people pass away, but that did not stop me from paying my bills. In the time she took to send the email,she could have written out a check. Does she not have to make a rental/morgage payment? Phone? Lights? ISP etc? Will these companies say....."oh that's ok. We are sorry for your loss, and just pay whenever, if ever?" I do not know how to respond to this email. Whatcha think?
I had a great one last year when I first began selling.
No money after 2 weeks... so, I sent a gentle reminder.
The lady replied that she & her daughter were in accident going to a MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR ANOTHER DAUGHTER who had died the year before! The live daughter was SERIOUSLY INJURED in this NEWEST TRAGEDY!!
YIKES! Not to mention GAD-ZOOKES!
So, I just sent the video to her without any pre-payment & told her to not worry about it!
posted on April 15, 2001 04:47:23 PM new
Everyone handles this type of problem in their life differently. When my dad was ill/dying last August, we pretty much knew what the outcome was going to be when he went into the hospital.
I had an auction end that I won, the day he went in. I actually thought to take an envelope and stamp with me (we went to stay with him, as the hospital was an hour away from where we live). Hubby got the address and total from the email, and brought it to me the next day. (no, I didn't think to just let hubby handle it, silly huh?)
Not everyone is a "detail" person, and we all cope in our own way. For me, making sure the silly details in my life were taken care of was a way I could still "control" what was happening. At other times of trial in my life, I've been the "basket case" and dropped the ball on everything.
posted on April 15, 2001 06:47:40 PM new
What if you wait 2 weeks and if she still hasn't paid then you can send one more (kindly worded) reminder. People deal with grief in different ways and she may need some time. It is true that bills need to be paid but even the power company gives you a couple of months before they will shut off power. A little kindness goes a long way and by treating this person well you might wind up with a very good repeat buyer.
Just give her a little time.
You can always do the FVF thing later if you need to. She will probably pay though and you won't have to.
Just my 2 cents....
posted on April 15, 2001 06:55:18 PM new
Whatever happened to the concept of compassion? It seems to have disappeared from our society altogether. Very sad.
posted on April 15, 2001 07:34:39 PM new
When this happens to me, and it happens often with NPBs, I never try to determine truth - it is not plausible. I do not condole them, I do not warn them. If you think along those professional lines, and base your business practices accordingly, you'll have less stress...
Consider ending eMail communication unless specific questions are asked. After your TOS payment deadline has passed, plus some grace time, file NPB, FVC, do not Neg., and move on.
posted on April 15, 2001 07:40:02 PM new
couple of years ago, I had an NSF check on an item I'd already shipped (it was a more than $10 but less than $20 item) .... after the check bounced, and I inquired to the bidder, noticing that she was suddenly rackin' up a lot of neg feedback from sellers for suddenly bouncing checks .... after a couple of days, she responded that her Dad had passed away and thru her grief, she totally screwed up her finances ...... i instantly flashed back to when my Dad died, and I too, after a 27 year perfect credit rating, TOTALLY screwed up my finances the month my dad had passed away ... in getting 'ready' to go out of town to memorial services, unbeknownst to me, i was putting my mailed bills into the mail boxes with no postage, putting deposits into the wrong banks to cover those bills, etc. ... none of that hit me in the head till a few weeks later and by then, it's like ohmygosh, what was *I* thinkin'!?! .......... with that flashback, I gave her my sincere condolences and told her to keep her ebay item and consider it 'a gift' ... she still wanted to pay, and to make all of her other transactions 'good' [which had already negged her] ................ her heart was willing but her grief was deep ... but of course if we were talking about a pricey item, i would want to work things out, over t i m e, ... the first month or two, for me, were the toughest ... the mind got a lot more clear after a while, and the memories sweeter ....
posted on April 15, 2001 10:08:45 PM new
I bid on an item and won. I received a EOA email and in it it said that his father was quite ill and he had to travel to his home town and wouldn't be back for a week. I had a choice I could wait for his return to send the money or I could send it right away. Since I really didn't need it I waited and he did write when he returned home. I sent payment and I received the item. We as ebay sellers or buyers have to have a little compassion for each other. Whether they are telling the truth or not I feel we have to believe them so why not wait. We are not a big business where there are people to take over for us. Patience is a virture. Yes, that person had a chance to write a check, put it in an envelope and go and mail it but I think at this point they were not thinking about ebay.
posted on April 16, 2001 07:30:22 AM new
I believe most people are compassionate. On January 25, 2000 my 14 year old daughter was killed, I had several auctions ending that day, including scrapbooking paper piecing animals that my daughter had made and wanted me to sell for her on Ebay. Several days later I contacted the high bidders and cancelled their committment to buy these animals, I couldn't part with these treasured items. 100% of the high bidders were compassionate. The other items I had listed were shipped out by family and friends.
Everyone handles their grief differently. At a time like this people have different priorities and sometimes they do not make sense to others.
posted on April 16, 2001 09:05:38 AM new
Grumpynam,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much you miss her. My son died two and half years ago. I hope that you are doing okay.
Take care!
posted on April 16, 2001 09:05:45 AM new
Me too, estatesalestuff. Your mind is so full and yet, so empty at the same time. I about had my car insurance cancelled (spaced it) and went round and round with the cable company because they said I hadn't paid and I KNEW I had. I found the bill months later in the pocket of a coat I seldom wear. Oops. Nobody cared why -we're just account numbers with payments due. It would have been so wonderful to have been given a break under the circumstances - but instead I got to pay late fees. If I could have switched companies I would have.
It's up to you, furkidmom, whether you want to do the "personal touch" thing or not. It's your business.
posted on April 16, 2001 09:23:33 AM new
I'm sure everyone does handle grief, tragedy, crisis and loss differently.
For me, if some crisis were going on in my family, no way ANYthing about "auctions" (and probably not "bills" would be uppermost in my mind -- or in my mind at all. I'd drop it all for the time and focus on the REAL priorities in my life at that moment.
Crisis and tragedy are pretty powerful attention-focusers. Others might find it not only possible but desirable to try to carry on with "normal" routines of life -- but I wouldn't be one of them. I guess dropping the non-essentials is one way I'd try to take care of myself while also trying to stay strong and take care of the REALLY essential things. All the other things can fall into place later. Or not.
posted on April 16, 2001 09:41:20 AM new
It is unfortunate that so many deadbeat bidders use the "death in the family" excuse. Sellers have no way of telling who is lying and who isn't.
posted on April 16, 2001 09:57:58 AM new
"so many deadbeat bidders use the "death in the family" excuse. Sellers have no way of telling who is lying and who isn't."
So the best solution is to work under the assumption that all of the bidders who tell us this are in fact telling the truth and to handle the transaction with compassion. After all, we are involved in PERSON TO PERSON transactions and as such we ARE able to be compassionate whereas the "faceless" cable company can't.
One of our longtime posters here had a situation quite awhile ago where he had sold a high priced item to a bidder and got back an email from the purchasers husband that his wife had died. The seller thought it was just a "deadbeater's excuse" and basically responded to the husband in a hardnosed manner. The husband then sent proof that his wife HAD died in a tragic accident. The item she had purchased had been meant as a surprise gift to him...he had known nothing about it until after her death.
posted on April 16, 2001 10:18:50 AM new
Unknown - If you really want to find out if there is a death in the family. In the instant search type the city of the person and newspaper and then check the obituaries.
Maybe you shouldn't be sell on ebay if you doubt someone. I as a buyer would find it offensive if I had written to you telling of a death or serious illiness and you wrote back you didn't believe me If they are telling the truth or deadbeats you will find out soon enough. Right now I am waiting for one that I have never heard back from the EOA on April 2. I am sure he is a deadbeat but I am waiting for sellers that also sold to him to start the process.
posted on April 16, 2001 12:28:05 PM newIt is unfortunate that so many deadbeat bidders use the "death in the family" excuse. Sellers have no way of telling who is lying and who isn't.
Very true. This is why IMO the best course of action is to assume that the bidder is telling the truth.
posted on April 16, 2001 12:35:37 PM new
I had a bidder use the My Mother Died Excuse twice 6 months apart.
I get these along with My computer crashed, serious injury etc.
My bidders must have the worst luck in the world.
I just handle these the same as checks in the mail.
If no pay after 30 days I file FVf and relist and do leave feedback.
Call me cynical but I get the family member died excuse at least 3 times a month.
Not that I'm insensitive but after almost 4 years on Ebay It becomes so commonplace I just handlethem the same as the rest.
JB
posted on April 16, 2001 01:10:14 PM new
I don't remember where I read this but someone got the "the bidder died" from the "father". Seller reported it to Ebay, Ebay contacted father to offer condolences, and got the bidder!!!
I tried to be compassionate and understanding, but its easy to get doubtful about the "tragedies" happening to Ebay buyers & sellers sometimes...
posted on April 16, 2001 04:26:34 PM new
Let's assume for a moment that 9 out of every 10 bidders (just an example) who use the dead relative excuse are lying. That means 1 out of every 10 bidders is telling the truth. I will not take it upon myself to add to the grief being experienced by that 1 truthful bidder just because the other 9 are jerks. If the bidder is being truthful, I get paid in due time. If not, I file for NPB and FVF after a reasonable amount of time and move on.
I take my business very seriously and I consider my business to be very successful by my own standards. Business is business and I do whatever I feel is neccessary within my ethical boundaries to keep it successful and growing. But adding to the pain of someone who has just lost a loved one isn't something that I consider to be neccessary. And if I ever get to the point where I feel it IS neccessary, I'll find another line of business.
[ edited by dubyasdaman on Apr 16, 2001 04:29 PM ]
would be uppermost in my mind -- or in my mind at all. I'd drop it all for the time and focus on the REAL priorities in my life at that moment.