fluffythewondercat
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posted on October 6, 2008 11:32:58 AM new
My husband and I lost someone very dear to us over the weekend.
Consider this part-vent, part-advice.
If your first instinct on comforting a grieving person is to say "I'm so sorry for your loss but...
1) He was old and sick
2) It was her time
3) After such a long illness it must be a blessing
4) At least he didn't suffer
or any other pathetically inane thing that comes to mind, STOP. Stop right there before you utter the "but..."
A grieving person does not need to hear your opinion or your judgment. "I'm so sorry for your loss." Period. It's always appropriate and always appreciated.
Over and out.
fLufF
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Planning to visit New Mexico? Beware of fake Native American jewelry!
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blueyes29
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posted on October 6, 2008 11:51:07 AM new
So sorry to hear of your loss, fluff. I just finished reading "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion. She wrote it after the unexpected death of her husband and it's one of the best I've read on the grief one feels when losing a loved one. You might want to get a copy...it's really unique and powerful.
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cblev65252
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posted on October 6, 2008 01:41:23 PM new
Fluffy - Sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean. When I lost my brother in 1996 to AIDS, some of the comments were (IMHO) heartless. I know they weren't meant to be, but they were. What I hate to hear is "he's in a better place". No, he's not. The better place is here with his family and friends who love him!
Cheryl
Whitman said she and McCain share a philosophy of scaling back the role of government. a point of view partly shaped by her EBay experience. "The EBay model is very Republican in its essence -- it's about making a small number of rules and getting out of the way while not overtaxing the community," she said.
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pmelcher
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posted on October 6, 2008 02:15:40 PM new
I am so sorry Fluffy.
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mcjane
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posted on October 6, 2008 08:24:11 PM new
Fluffy, I am so sorry to here about your loss of a dear friend.
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pixiamom
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posted on October 6, 2008 08:38:59 PM new
My thoughts are with you, Fluffy. Losing a loved one is like having your heart ripped out of you. I truly appreciate the support I received from Vendio eBayers when we lost my baby brother's first born.
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photosensitive
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posted on October 7, 2008 05:13:22 AM new
I also am sorry for your loss. I also have been there more than once.
It seems to me that people are searching for something comforting to say but one persons comfort will likely not be right for another.
Looking back on the really big losses in my life I remember when someone talked to me about them I found myself wanting to tell them exactly what happened, almost a replay of the events. It seems to me I see that in many of my friends who are grieving and I try to be a patient listener to what they need to say.
Again I am so sorry for your loss.
-----o----o----o----o----o----o----o----o
“The illiterate of the future will be the person ignorant of the use of the camera as well as of the pen.”
Maholy-Nagy, Vision in Motion, 1947
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fluffythewondercat
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posted on October 7, 2008 08:33:32 AM new
This spring, one of my husband's co-workers was run down by a car as he was working in front of his house.
After the memorial service some of us discussed the nature of sudden bereavement. One woman said it was wonderful that so many of Doug's friends turned out but the worst for the widow was yet to come. "When everyone goes home, when it's just her and an empty house, that's when it becomes real."
Thank you all for each of your kind thoughts. These are bleak days.
fLufF
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Planning to visit New Mexico? Beware of fake Native American jewelry!
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neglus
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posted on October 7, 2008 09:59:37 AM new
I am very sorry for your loss Fluffy. We are never comfortable talking about death and I guess that's why we say such stupid, thoughtless things.
Mary Ann
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http://stores.ebay.com/Moody-Mommys-Marvelous-Postcards?refid=store
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cashinyourcloset
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posted on October 7, 2008 10:13:26 AM new
Fluffy, I am so sorry for your loss.
I know that additional comments are sometimes inadvertently hurtful, but most people feel so powerless and want so much to help that they say stupid things.
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tonimar1
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posted on October 7, 2008 10:49:07 AM new
Fluffy, I'm really so sorry to hear of your loss.
toni
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mcjane
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posted on October 7, 2008 01:25:42 PM new
"When everyone goes home, when it's just her and an empty house, that's when it becomes real."
My best friend lost her 30 year old daughter 13 months ago. While her daughter was dieing in hospice, which was only 6 days, everyone including her adult children, grandchildren, friends & myself kept vigil with her at different times everyday.
When the funeral was over everyone went back home to get on with their lives.
She was comforted by the constant company & was able to accept her daughters' death much better than we expected....that is until after the funeral & she went home alone.
The loneliness never occured to her until it happened & I don't think she will ever cope with it. Her telephone is her main contact with friends & family & it's not unusual for me to get 5 or more calls a day, including a late night call to say goodnight.
So, yes that's when it really hits home & it hits hard.
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deichen
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posted on October 7, 2008 05:20:42 PM new
I am sorry for your loss, Fluff
A poll is not a prediction. It is a snapshot of how people are thinking right now.
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NathanCS
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posted on October 8, 2008 02:01:58 PM new
Fluff,
I am very sorry for your loss.
Regards,
Nathan
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glassgrl
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posted on October 8, 2008 05:29:12 PM new
fluffy
bless your heart!
I would love to just give you a big southern hug if I could.
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fluffythewondercat
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posted on October 8, 2008 07:15:39 PM new
Has anyone heard from Beth recently? How is she doing?
fLufF
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Planning to visit New Mexico? Beware of fake Native American jewelry!
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