posted on August 31, 2001 01:11:27 PM new
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their newest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called, Sosumi.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the Paper?
What are lawyers good for? They make used car salesmen look good.
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
"Senator"
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
"Your Honor."
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer? One is a bloodsucking parasite and the other is an insect.
Please don't tell my mother I am an attorney, she thinks I play piano in a brothel!
posted on September 1, 2001 10:33:34 AM new
godzillatemple...I didn't know you were an attorney, however, you have to be several cuts above the rest...you have a cat companion that you take very good care of...are you sure you are an attorney???
posted on September 1, 2001 01:03:18 PM newzilvy: Well, I graduated from law school, passed the bar here in Massachusetts, and am currently licensed to practice law [i.e., I'm in good standing with the bar and my dues are all paid up]. I'm not actually practicing law, however [these days I work as the Senior Technical Writer for a start-up software company]. Does that make me an "attorney" or just somebody who is entitled to work as one? I guess it depends on your point of view. When asked, I usually refer to myself as a "non-practicing attorney", but I wouldn't want to offend those attorneys out there who are actually practicing law.
I actually just got my bar dues bill in the mail today and am considering going officially "inactive" since the dues are only half that way. But for now, at least, I'm free to offer as much [or as little] legal advice in the State of Massachusetts as I please....
Barry
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The opinions expressed above are for comparison purposes only. Your mileage may vary....
posted on September 1, 2001 01:24:56 PM new
Well, Barry, just remember Brimfield is only a few days away and who knows what treasures await you...perhaps the bill should wait til after you have an opportunity to see what may come your way!
posted on September 1, 2001 06:31:31 PM newZilvy: Ayup, I'm definitely planning on going to Brimfield [at least three days, maybe four]. But, having just doled out a significant amount of cash to make my little sports car look a bit nicer [who knew that rims and tires could cost $400-500 each???], I don't think I'll be buying too much this time around. But it's always fun to look, and if the weather's nice I really enjoy being outdoors....
Barry
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The opinions expressed above are for comparison purposes only. Your mileage may vary....
posted on September 1, 2001 07:35:38 PM new
Ever attorney I know, hates attorney jokes. I wonder why?! lol
"Anything the mind of man can believe and conceive, it CAN ACHIEVE!"
posted on September 1, 2001 08:17:55 PM new
There are other advantages to being an attorney than billable hours.
I was in K-Mart one day and this fellow was attempting to return a kids wading pool that he felt had not lasted long enough. The store manager was not buying it at all and said Tell me why we should refund this?
The fellow said "I am an attorney and my clerks can write our suit against you and file it when they are in the court house anyway and I get to sue your company for no cash expense out of my pocket at all."
Sounds good to me the manager said and refunded him.
