posted on August 31, 2001 04:25:08 PM new
I found this on another forum and I think it may help someone. I have two people like this in my life.
The Serial Bully
Identifying the psychopath or sociopath in our midst including the socialised psychopathic manager.
"All cruelty springs from weakness."
(Seneca, 4BC-AD65)
"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is."
Winston Churchill
"Most organisations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered, dysfunctional behaviour can permeate the entire organisation like a cancer." (Tim Field)
I estimate one person in thirty, male or female, is a serial bully. Who does the following profile describe in your life?
The Serial Bully:
Is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment.
Has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act.
Excels at deception and should never be underestimated.
Uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to compensate for lack of empathy).
Is glib, shallow and superficial: verbally facile with plenty of fine words and lots of form but no substance.
Often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic.
Relies on mimicry and regurgitation to convince others that he or she is both a "normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon.
Is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly.
Cannot be trusted or relied upon and fails to fulfil commitments.
Is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy.
Exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behaviour and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual inadequacy, sexual violence or sexual abuse in a relationship.
Is incapable of being intimate or sustaining intimacy holds deep prejudices (eg against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc - prejudiced people are unvaryingly unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this aspect of their personality secret.
Is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity and sense of invulnerability and untouchability.
Has a deep-seated contempt of clients in contrast to his or her professed compassion.
Is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity.
Displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence.
Flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation.
Refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer.
Is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability.
Undermines and destroys those who can see through the bully's mask.
Is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them.
Is quick to discredit and neutralise anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviours.
Is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls the bully to account.
Is highly manipulative, especially of people's emotions (eg guilt).
When called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression.
Often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behaviour and appears oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others.
Is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty.
}Is greedy, selfish, a parasite, is always a taker and never a giver.
Is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness.
Often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus.
Often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself.
Is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committeeaholic.
Responsibility
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully doesn't know what they are doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply.
http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bully/index.htm
This is a great site for anyone trying to understand more on the subject.
posted on August 31, 2001 05:03:23 PM new
Good article. I might not be able to prevent someone from being a 'Serial Bully' but I probably should look for warnings signs to protect myself from such a fate.
posted on August 31, 2001 05:10:17 PM new
I visited the site listed and it has a lot of information. It is located in the UK which makes it slow for me for some reason. Bullies can be the cause of domestic violence and dealing with bullies can cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
It is a good idea to know the traits and be aware of them. Sometimes we can see it in children, but can be taken in by a charming man.
posted on August 31, 2001 05:11:12 PM new
So you know my brother-in-law.
This is why I sometimes lament that English law discarded the right to duel. Even if I missed my opportunity to put a ball between the eyes of a serial bully, chances are that there will be someone come along soon so disgusted with him that he will fall. Hopefully before he reproduces. There may be a genetic componant after all.
posted on August 31, 2001 05:37:31 PM new
[i]"they should be suspended from duty on
the grounds of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act"[/i]
posted on August 31, 2001 06:15:50 PM new
Krs I believe you go to your doctor and than he sends you to another doctor ($150 hour) than he sends you to state doctor and that doctor helps get you signed up.
Gravid: The bully in my life brought out a real urge to kill. I couldn't believe myself capable of seriously plotting his take down. I finally thought of going to his house and sitting naked in his kitchen just to get his attention. I am sure the site of a naked 60 year old would scare him to death. LOL. How did you solve your problem?
I believe in Karma and realized he was in my life for a reason. When someone threatens your children, it brings out the worst in you. Sort of like that mother bear thing. So, I tried to pray for him. That sort of worked.
posted on August 31, 2001 06:46:32 PM new
How?
I started just saying out loud that he was a miserable sack of excrement to everyone in the family when he would act hatefull and when everyone else was terrified of him and walking on eggshells to avoid setting him off. I refused to play the game. They were all scared to death to say the obvious but when confronted with someone saying to his face - you have no manners - you have no morals - and it would take 20 years of good behavior to offset the record you have established - Well he leaves. He can't reply so he walks out gets in his car and leaves. Before he would berate the food served and make fun of anyone who was not as corrupt as he is as foolish and childish without being challenged.
After a few times of asking others to defend him and they say NO - He's right - you treat everyone badly and need to learn not to be selfish and hateful. Well now he doesn't even come by. He hangs out with his low class alcohalic friends and a few loose bimbos and has not been to a family gathering in a couple years. His sons and brother come by here for dinner and visit and take my mother in law out to dinner and we all get along famously and he is rarely mentioned like all unpleasant things.
It was silly to suffer in silence hoping he would run down and allow everyone else to relax and enjoy themselves. He enjoyed creating tension and conflict until it came back to him. Oh so unfair!!
If you sit silent you are enabling.
A lot however is that I don't have to be PHYSICALLY afraid of him. Some of the others were. If he got physical with me the emergency room team would have an interesting evening trying to figure out how to set those dislocated arms with a broken collor bone on both sides. Really difficult.
posted on August 31, 2001 07:01:50 PM new
Gravid: I bet you look forward to the Holidays now. I use to dread Christmas and Thanksgiving, because we would have to put up with him. I am the only person willing to take him on. But, he can go crazy and mess up a lot of people's life.
He is considered a very good citizen and businessman. No one knows how he really is. Only his family knows, also his employees. We need to put a restraint order on him, but he is notified by the court and can show up to defend himself. This will only make him worse.
Meya I sure hope your not married to the Bully you know.
posted on August 31, 2001 08:32:32 PM new
Sounds like almost everyone I ever knew who'd worked themselves up to six digit salaries in korporate amerika. (This probably doesn't apply to 6digit techies on the Left Coast.)
posted on August 31, 2001 10:49:29 PM new
Here is the web address for the page someone mentioned about bullying. It has many links and a wealth of information. Plenty to read and plenty to learn. You will be the better for it. Maybe someone can post a link for me.
posted on September 1, 2001 04:19:47 AM new
Our bully had 6 employees at one time but now he has none because they are "ungrateful - disloyal - thieving - etc/etc/etc. He stopped trying to hire anyone because they would not stay even 6 months. Surprise!
Of course his shorting them their cut when there was plenty to go around and they could see the billings and see they were getting about 10% of the cash flow for labor had nothing to do with it. Also some had problems with forwarding bribes and sabatoging the competition.
Right now the only enabler is his wife.
I suppose she will see the light when he brings home some vile disease. I just hope it does not kill her.
I lived with the Jekyll & Hyde bully for a number of years - my step father. Very good at presenting himself as a 'good guy' to the public, but was a totally different person (mean and abusive) at home. Doubt many, other than very close friends, ever knew he had this 'other side' to him. He was a bully to women only though. Never brave enough to act this way with a man. I feel sorry for these type of people. They need help.
Anyone watching BB2 can probably see Will being described in part of the initial description.
posted on September 1, 2001 06:57:17 AM newjcmaya, no, I'm not married to the Serial Bully I know. It is actually a women who kept her bullying very well hid from some of us. When others would mention this side of her, my response would be, "no, you misunderstand. She is just driven, and likes to be in charge. She knows where she is going and how to get there."
Has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act.
This portion describes her very well. I had the wool pulled over my eyes for many years and supported and stuck up for this bully. I was a victim of Is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them.
I spent many years being a good friend to this person. I liked working with her on projects etc. because the good side of her was organized and could really get things done.
I also knew a man who was in a leadership position over many people. He and the women I mentioned stood toe to toe sometimes, and the results were awful. Bully against Bully was an amazing thing to witness. Many innocent people got hurt in the fracas.
He also falls under many of these comments. Way too many people thought that he walked on water.
posted on September 1, 2001 06:08:53 PM new
I have been thinking about these comments and the links.
The conclusion It is a real change of thinking for me.
A bully is not just someone who acts out violence, physical or mental on someone. That is common.
A bully is someone who manipulates others to
not recognize or interfer with his or her working out a continuing pattern of violence on others.
That was the new defining idea.
They avoid the consequenses of their actions.
A real revelation.
posted on September 1, 2001 07:27:22 PM new
Wow! I knew tons of people like this in high school!!!!
"Anything the mind of man can believe and conceive, it CAN ACHIEVE!"
