posted on August 12, 2002 08:34:15 PM new
I am becoming an expert on why there is a significant increase in post-disaster suicides.
Of course, some of you may (have) decide(d) that I'm simply a pre-disposed wimp. Certainly no one to engage with.
Of course there are some very nice people here. It's the intellectualatii we should be most wary of. And until they can get down and get real, on a human, honest level,
which I have no reason to think they will or can, I can't engage here either. But this is where I was hanging out for a while so why not vent here?
What a shame. Rejected by the illuminated. So busy being empathic to causes and spouting politics while a sister...
You know who you are, and you should be ashamed of yourselves but I doubt that you are.
The average U.S. denizen should be ashamed of themselves.
If you haven't done this, you can't possibly know.
I am giving you a gift of the inner-workings of a certain sector. One no one wants, understandably.
But I need to advocate for people like us. Even when at rock-bottom I still have the balls to do it.
I don't need "professional help." I just need a world where there is simple humanity anymore. Anybody know of any? It certainly isn't the U.S. where the holy dollar, every focking time it comes down to the holy dollar, that gets any interest, every time. Still.
posted on August 12, 2002 09:06:26 PM new
Cyn, Not everyone lives for the almighty dollar. There are places in this big country where people are still caring and where they will help you with the shirt off their backs.You really need to get out of the city and into small town America.You are floundering there.
It is too bad that the media will make the 9-11 anniversary into a circus event. I'm certainly not going to enjoy it.
Are you ok? You don't sound ok.Did something happen here that I missed?
posted on August 12, 2002 09:19:25 PM new
there are lots of good simple people in lots of small simple places...escape the city if you possibly can...but when you get to that place where people are good and caring and life is simple, and where there aren't any good restaurants, no movie theatres, no museums, only one local paper and crappy internet service and you start to miss the city buzz, and your kid/s are bored stiff, just remember why you left in the first place, please.....
posted on August 12, 2002 09:35:30 PM new
>>Are you ok? You don't sound ok.Did something happen here that I missed?<<
Rawbuns:
Well tthe Con Ed blast down the block didn't help.
Oh. Here. Hm. Well I think it has evidenced itself in the thread already. The good news is that at worst, I'm in better shape he is. Poor "ba-tard".
I gotta give you this: You've been a terrific sport.
Prof:
>>...escape the city if you possibly can...but when you get to that place where people are good and caring and life is simple, and where there aren't any good restaurants, no movie<<
Just because I live in the city doesn't mean I can afford to go anywhere.<s> But who wants to hire a nearly 47 yo woman? Christ I need Lotto.
posted on August 12, 2002 10:07:13 PM new
nyc, I'm not here too often so I may have missed something to.
I thought you were making plans to move out of the city. Can you at least get out for the anniversary of 9/11? Maybe a week or so?
What's happening with you, are you still working? How's your son, is he having as hard a time as you are? For that matter how are the kids of NYC, there's not much news about how they are a year later.
I also am not looking forward to what will be a circus and endless coverage. Not because I want to forget (that will never happen.) I can't put it into words, does anyone else know what I mean?
posted on August 12, 2002 10:59:16 PM new
Cyn,In a small town ,especially in some of the more depressed [not depressing!] areas you can still buy a house for $40,000 or so. That means it only costs about $400 a month. What do you pay now for rent? I thought so.So ~ maybe you can't buy a house but the rent is low too. Surely you could get together a few dollars to buy items to sell on Ebay? There are great estate sales out there just waiting for you to find them! Then if you still needed to you could find a part time job or work for the local EMT's. There has got to be a way for you to get out if you really want to get out. Maybe you like the big city life. A lot of people do.
KRS, Don't kick her when she's down, please.
Choco, I know exactly what you mean but can't ge it into words either. It's the carnival atmosphere that will go along with the coverage. The nearly joyous repetition of the events, the trying to scare the begeesus out of everyone again. The whole thing will be done in such a tastless manner it will be revolting. We can't forget and we won't forget but why they have to subject folks to such crap as they will subject us to is beyond me. We never get fitting memorials all we get is crap.
posted on August 12, 2002 11:15:37 PM new"KRS, Don't kick her when she's down, please"
Spare me. She's been starting threads like this for almost a year, and has heard every piece of advise anyone can offer. She stays put. Down? How could she be down? A person so in need of sympathy is rich after finding this place.
As it happens though, bunz, Chris and I even bought it at one time deeply enough to consider offering her a place in that small town you speak of - I mean we thought to take her and her boy into our home. I asked Helen for her opinion of that prospect and so she can verify that the consideration was made as I've related it here now.
Good to see you back again! I missed this topic last night because of the time....2AM here.
Krs did discuss that consideration with me just as he described. In fact, I was also thinking of a way to help. So you can believe that he was concerned....just as I was, along with most people here who responded to your topics. There are a lot of decent and caring people here and I don't believe that anyone should feel "rejected".
If I were in your position, I believe that I would turn the TV off Sept. 11, 2002.
posted on August 13, 2002 08:08:34 AM new
nycyn, I don't feel you're a wimp, but I do think you're damaged by what you saw or heard.
The only person who can deal with that damage is you. Whether it's venting, or finding a
belief system that helps you cope, or denial, in the end, it's up to you. Your stakes are high in
finding answers, because you have a young child that depends on you.
And no, I don't think anyone here should be ashamed. Everyone has to find
their own way and their own answers. They've tried to help. People here and
anywhere can't take your suffering for you.
You say you want simple humanity. It's everywhere. I guess I don't understand what
you mean by that.
FWIW, I hope you find a positive way out of the tunnel. You have the right to an informed opinion -Harlan Ellison
posted on August 13, 2002 08:15:40 AM new
>>Sorry KRS, I had no idea.<<
News to me too! Kudos to krs for acting concerned to the point of offering concrete help everywhere unbeknownst to me. Perhaps I would then find his board-bashing pure sport.
Buns, So what are you apologizing for?
I ain't apologizing for squat. I'm not even vain enough to withdraw my oh-so-unbecoming post.
Commemorations: This is one part of my decompensation, all I've been running into the last month is news about how The Anniversary is coming up. I'm overloaded already.
I am trying to get out of town for a vacation. I need to get stronger and be in better physical and mental shape to pull off a big move. And I need a rest. If I had three whole days to myself, sans kid... But no, not an option. I think that's the hardest part. And I wish a bunch of Quakers would come over with pies and spend one whole day helping me put my apartment back together; it's a horror. I don't even know where lsat years tax stuff is and that's probably 2K right there.
I'm just tired. Tired to the bone.
And there are so many walls out there, helping me become an old tired trapped rat.
And to think (I must remember this!) these are 'the good old days.'<s>
posted on August 13, 2002 11:10:52 AM new
Cyn, I was appologizing to KRS for thinking he was an uncaring,unfeeling "kick her while she's down" board curmudgeon.
Maybe he is.Hel* if I can tell anymore.
A lot of us have tried to think of ways to help you,Cyn, but the reality is that only you can help you. And yes, you have to be strong and you have to be ready. All the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" comments in the world can't do a thing for you. The people here do care what happens to you and your son. You can tell that by the words they write. We can try to encourage you we can try to help you brainstorm your way out of your situation but in the end all we really have are words to offer.
Snowy has good advice about 9-11. Turn off the TV. It doesn't do any good to wallow in the news at a time like this.
posted on August 13, 2002 12:56:59 PM new
I don't think you're a wimp either nycyn. I think you're probably depressed & are running on very little. Maybe the only medical help you need is to get a prescription for an anti-depressant to get you through the bumpy parts.
I think you have to ask yourself what it is that's holding you back from getting to where you want to be. Maybe you have to try and think differently, only allowing yourself an hour a day to think about 9/11 & other negative things. The rest of the time, force yourself to only think and say positive things... even about 9/11. Try it for one day and if it works, keep going a day at a time.
It's obvious by this thread that people care for your welfare, so turn your TV off and put on some decent music to think by. Now make a list of all the things holding you back. List everything you can think of...
Interestingly, I am delighted to be in possession of a wonderful lead and color pencil drawing, done by an autistic kid. He drew the towers as happy smiling figures, side by side with their arms interlocked. It is such a happy drawing, all red, white, and blue. It's a good one too. I think he was 9.
At the end of the school year I got the portfolio of The Kids stuff, and in it were drawings of a person in a hardhat titled, "Mommy helping people at (GZ or WTC, whatever)" and I was surprised. Never said a word at home and I sure as helldidn't bring it up much on the home front. There were nights I was gone or rolling in at dawn but I was "working at the hospital, helping people". There was no TV. Still isn't. (Haven't seen one "special" yet.) I am somewhat suspect of what the hellthey were doing at the school. I wish Bloomberg would close the schools and call it "family day". I think it is going to be very creepy around here thank-you-very-much.
posted on August 13, 2002 08:54:33 PM new
Thanks for the link nyc. I also went to the BOE site, nice site, good information there.
If they don't close the schools, it should be up to parents if they want to keep their kids home. I think the families will know which is better for their kids.
Sounds like your son is very proud of you. Do you talk to him about the event? It must be hard for parents like you that were so involved wondering if you've said too little or too much.
posted on August 13, 2002 09:47:13 PM new
>>Do you talk to him about the event?<<
I probably asked him if he had any thoughts or questions at some point, based on those drawings. My philosophy is to only discuss the more sensitive stuff that HE brings to me.
I meant to go on before about the old "duck & cover" drills at school. Some of us may remember those when we crawled under our desks upon command. For me, it was just the way life was. Had no idea what it was about and never asked. Nothing scary--thank gawd. I must of been in the 1st or 2nd grade when those were going own. I like to think my son experiences this "9-11 'disaster'" as a benign event as well. Problem is that back in those days all we saw on TV was Lucy, The Honeymooners and the Twilight Zone. (I wish it was still that way.)
I can't sleep. Been on the 'net for two days looking for a vacation. If there is suffering out there in tourism land I sure don't see it. I don't know how many mails I sent out to all kinds of sectors saying, basically, "I got about two weeks you can get my money for, what can you do for me" to no response yet!
posted on August 14, 2002 04:34:49 AM new
Cyn, have you ever been camping? Could you stand it if it met your budget? I'm in my fifties and the old bones are creaky in the morning, but the mornings can be glorious in upstate NY in the mountains or on Cape Cod. It's cheaper and more fun after Labor Day. Sometimes you can even find a reasonably priced cabin.
posted on August 14, 2002 08:12:10 AM new
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Cyn, have you ever been camping?<<
See, there is a conspiracy here to kill me.
Actually it's not a bad idea, neither is some fishing, but I really need a no-brainer.
I can't believe I can't seem to find anything. Especially since they're in the process of laying off the equivalent of a small US city.
Maybe travel agents are too depressed to pick up a phone.
I'm checking out auctions on skyauction.com. If everybody runs and registers (simple mailing address ok) and says nycyn sent them, I get a sky dollar or something. Worth looking at anyway.
posted on August 14, 2002 09:09:44 AM new
Cyn, this probably will be of little help immediately, but if you're disciplined to pay off charge plates in toto each month, you can build up alot of skymiles. My husband and I even put our coffees on our charge plate. Everything possible goes on it.
In one year, we've built up enough miles to send him to San Luis Obispo and we have a trip to Sanibel Island planned for later this fall.
posted on August 14, 2002 09:22:44 AM new
nyc, what about a train trip? It's so relaxing and fun. They have games and movies for the kids. A bar for you. I know they have package deals. Why don't you take a look at the Amtrak site and see if there is anything you'd be interested in.
posted on August 14, 2002 11:25:12 AM new
I'm going to register now for The Fresh Air Fund for The Kid for next year. I'm starting to crack up. (Okay, "more", happy? ]
If I'm on the computer he's in my lap, if I go to make a bed he is under the cover before it hits the bed; if I'm trying to put stuff up, he's meanwhile dragging stuff out; and of course there's the constant "mommy look", and "I'm thirsty". Meanwhile, we creep out for icecream last night, into 100 degree stale "air" and of course he's full of chocolate, so I tell him FIVE (I'm counting now--want to be scientific) times to go wash up only to find him fiddling with something, so I ask"what did mommy just tell you to do?" "I don't know". "Brush your teeth" takes ten attempts (then I find him filling up the sink with hair mousse), so repeating evreything all day (the aforementioned is merely one half hour) fills up the entire day, to the point where I now want to beat him to a pulp (and wondering if maybe at some point I should have giving him a whallup but-I-think-this-kid-would-wind-up-being-beaten-all-day-long and nobody wants that. (Oh my God he's been quiet for two whole sentences I better go look. It's arright.) Now of course I feel guilty because how would anybody want to wring the neck of such a precious little giggling Prince?? (Oh good not bumped. Had to step away to watch Him rewind and replay a 10 second segment of a Little Rascals 10x.)
I have an appointment with Nurse Ratchet to which I have to travel via 120 degree subway platforms, and I'm really looking forward to it--getting out I mean!
Addendum: I watched One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest the other night and it's better than I remember it! Spy Game is excellent too. HIGHLY RECOMMEND A++++++.
[ edited by nycyn on Aug 14, 2002 11:30 AM ]
posted on August 15, 2002 07:57:49 AM new
saabsister - Sanibel is a favorite. I go out in the surf and collect shells before they are damaged being thrown up on the beach. Have you gone to Ding Darling refuge on the east side? I was able to take my wife where a near 9 foot aligator came up within two foot of her (which made her a little twitchy). We saw a lot of nice Roseatted Spoonbills and other (for us) exotics.
posted on August 15, 2002 11:49:42 AM new
Gravid, I haven't been to Sanibel before. The shells and wildlife refuges are what appealed to me. I'm actually thinking about Gasparilla Island where you have to boat in - no cars. I'm an impatient person who doesn't like traffic jams so I'll try to fit this trip in in late October. Have you been to any of the other barrier islands nearby?
posted on August 15, 2002 07:01:30 PM new
Vacation shopping is not going well, especially with a computer that I have to turn off and back on every five minutes.
