posted on November 22, 2002 06:58:41 PM new
The Perfect Couple . . .
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman
met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect
wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple
was driving their perfect car along a winding road,
when they noticed someone at the side of the road in
distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his
toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident.Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)
Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
**** Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.
posted on November 22, 2002 09:54:58 PM new
NOw, how should we all apply your "equal time" theory here, Bear? Since your thread is humorous, I suppose I should post some pictures of the Holocaust and Concentration Capms and Nazi rallies. Oh, and like you, I'll make sure that do it twice, in two extremely long posts - just like you do. Won't that be to your liking?
posted on November 23, 2002 07:42:10 AM newbear1949 said: So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
Heard this before and looked this up:
Note:
This apparently came from the World Health Organization 1997:
"Road accidents are the single largest killer of men aged between 15 and 44."
The WHO said this was the global tally. We already know (well, those who read more than the tabloids] the worst drivers in the U.S. are men (boys) age 18 to 24.
Maybe you should change "your" little joke to real stats before it goes any further?
posted on November 23, 2002 07:51:12 AM new
Oh for pity's sake. He told a joke. Big deal. Jokes are rarely politically correct. Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there --Clare Booth Luce
posted on November 23, 2002 09:50:57 AM new
I was just trying to make a point to Bear. I was attempting to demostrate how absurd that policy was. I really would hate to see his "equal time" policy being applied anywhere in the RT. Humor threads would have to have grisly car accident scenes, school-gripe threads would have to be littered with obscene jokes, and political threads would go on having drivel-as-equal-time content added.
posted on November 25, 2002 07:01:52 AM new
Helen! ROFLMAO!
Bunnicula: "Oh for pity's sake. He told a joke. Big deal. Jokes are rarely politically correct."
Yes, I think it is a big deal. Why are jokes almost always about females or blond females... about 1/2 the population? And like Bear's joke, almost always wrong!
Is it because insecure males are making jokes up and other insecure males repeat them as they slap each other on the back, slug down a beer, and try to outdo each other?
The other half of the jokes always seem to be about certain groups, like Blacks, Jews or the Polish. I grew up hearing the boys in my class telling "Polock" jokes as they called them. I thought there was something wrong with that whole country and many people in my area until I was in junior high.
Males didn't, and still don't, tell jokes about themselves specifically. If it isn't a big deal lets hear some about the "good ole white boys!" Let’s hear about your anatomy! Lets hear about your breasts that are getting bigger every day because of environmental pollutants! How about those sinking butts? The hair loss? The poor performance in bed? The need for Viagara? IMS -- Irritable Male Syndrome?
posted on November 25, 2002 11:50:08 AM new
Funny. I'm aware of (& have told) many jokes that are male specific. And there are a *ton* of redneck jokes out there, too. Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there --Clare Booth Luce
posted on November 25, 2002 03:18:37 PM new
From: University of Nebraska, Teachers College:
Haven't we all at one time or another told an inappropriate joke or made a rude comment about women in general? To be honest, I have and so have all of my friends. In fact, my friends (both male and female) and I have had contests where we try to "one up" each other by telling the "best" joke. We all perceive the joke telling simply some good natured fun that doesn't hurt anyone, and we all get a good laugh and then move on with our day.
Recently, however, I began realizing that this type of behavior actually is hurting someone. In fact, it is hurting everyone. Through telling those jokes and making those rude comments about women everyone in the group is being trained to think that maybe there is some truth to the remarks. Constantly hearing these negative comments and jokes about women plants a seed in the back of our minds that something is wrong with women. The worst part is that we don't even realize we are planting that seed.
The real problems created by planting that seed in our minds will come when we have children of our own. That is when the whole process of degrading females will start over. The parents will tell their children jokes or make rude comments about women, the children will tell their friends what their parents said, and the circle of discrimination against women will continue.
The reality of the situation is that this type of discrimination might just be the most difficult to overcome; more difficult than racism, age discrimination, and all other areas of discrimination. This point is made because males and females are clearly not the same people; our bodies were designed to perform differently. That is clear. It is this physical difference that makes reversing the discrimination so difficult. Some people just can't seem to look beyond the physical differences to see the abilities and talents of women.
If you think I am just making all of this up, and you think that the jokes and comments and stereotypes aren't hindering women from achieving all of their goals in life; here are some statistics to hopefully open your eyes to the reality:
posted on November 26, 2002 07:47:36 AM newIf you think I am just making all of this up, and you think that the jokes and comments and stereotypes aren't hindering women from achieving all of their goals in life; here are some statistics to hopefully open your eyes to the reality
Oh, yes, women are being held back, alright:
The first site listed at the URL you gave us states that women only made up 2.6% of corporate officers in 1990 & only 4.3% of Fortune Service 500 officers, & 5.6% of Fortune Service 500 corporate directors.
Here are figures from just 10 years later in 2000 (http://www.catalystwomen.org/press_room/factsheets/factscote00.htm):
12.5% of corporate officers in America’s 500 largest companies are women (1,622 out of 12,945), up from 11.9% in 1999. 11.7% of F500 directors are women.
12.5% of F500 corporate officers are women.
4.1% of the F500 top earners are women (up from 1.2% in 1995)
Given the average rate of increase during the last six years, Catalyst projects the percent of women corporate officers in future years:
• 2005—16.5%
• 2010—20.1%
• 2020—27.4%
This site, of course, talks about the inequities in numbers between men & women in this area. But it also shows that women are making strides & certainly not being held back by folks telling jokes.
BTW, the last site listed at the URL you give has absolutely nothing to do with women being held back by anything whatsoever.
Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there --Clare Booth Luce
posted on November 26, 2002 08:18:25 AM new
There is nothing offensive to women in that joke. The funniest aspect of the joke were the reactions to it. LOL!
posted on November 26, 2002 08:32:56 AM new
Aposter, if you don't like the joke, don't keep reading... pretty simple... but wait you're a female... LOL
How about some jokes of your own? This place needs lightend up some.
posted on November 26, 2002 09:17:29 AM new
Sorry it was SO offensive to women...
However, what about all the jokes about men? Bet you think those are just alright and extremely funny....and absolutely true!
How about all the books that haave come out in the last few years about how stupid men are? I find those SOOO offensive and they should be burned! But then of course, you probably think they are alright and absolutely true!
BUT I WANT YOU TO THINK CAREFULLY....
Why do women keep having trouble with stupid men....
BECAUSE THEY KEEPING PICKING THEM TO BE IN THEIR LIVES...
Who is stupider???
Sorry to go off-topic, but I find it so darn idiotic. The complaint was about the women part, not the man part. What a frickin' hypocrite lives here! Just go away and sulk about women jokes in private if you must!
.................................................
We call them our heroes...but we pay them like chumps
posted on November 26, 2002 01:20:55 PM new
I know several women who after reading the book, "Women are from Venus & Men from Mars" chose to rename the book "Men are from Uranus".
I asked if that refered to the men in their lives or ALL men.
Never got a response. I suppose those are the women who made their man/men into what he has become.
posted on November 26, 2002 06:41:35 PM new
No, Twelvepole. I won’t lower myself for “male” jokes tonight. But, because I have
had some light surgery and my boys are away tonight I will respond to the request that
I go sulk with a long rant! A rant not just for this thread, but for the other sexy female
photos, auctions and jokes that keep popping up. I did write a few degrading male jokes in the EO when someone (you maybe?) linked to various (tee-hee type) auctions and pictures that the underage boys on the boards could get a kick out of leering over. I noted you have started a thread for “blonde jokes” So here is one just for you, although it doesn’t quite fit—too many lines in yours:
Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them!
mlecher: How about all the books that haave come out in the last few years about how stupid men are? But then of course, you probably think they are alright and absolutely true!
Because I said the joke was not accurate? Please. I don't like books about stupid men either. They are talking about my sons. What is really wrong is that it took so long to have stupid male books or mysteries or histories or novels by female writers to be marketed! What a great loss that females had to take male's name to be in print! I
understand women are still having trouble getting printed. Pity. It could be your daughter
or niece.
mlecher: The complaint was about the women part, not the man part. What a frickin' hypocrite lives here! Just go away and sulk about women jokes in private if you must!
I guess that was said to many women who complained about degrading jokes over the centuries. Rebecca West said "I am considered a feminist whenever I ask to do something that differentiated from being a door mat." I might add a sex object!
Why should anyone "sulk about women jokes in private," as you put it lecher?
Males have degraded women for thousands of years with little jokes, articles and books.
To what end? Are we better for it?
Let’s consider the United States. Women didn't have a vote on anything until 80 years ago. WE did not get this country in THIS mess it is in today! WE did however help
by shutting the he11 up!
We stayed quiet while males did such a great job with the environment! Look at our clear streams and skies! Yeah right. We didn’t have a voice in congress or at the ballot boxes when the trees were being clear cut in the 1800s, when our waters and earth were being polluted because some idiot wanted to dispose of his waste products less expensively and when endangered species were being knocked off one by one in the name of progress.
We were invited to say nothing when men were prepping other men for political office. What a fine lot they chose! First it was slave owners, wife beaters in religious zealot's clothing and later underhanded corporate promoters. Those of us who were flower children have screwed up as much as our “forefathers” --not foremothers!” One of the end results? A cocky little bastard who didn’t get the people’s vote and a two party system so fu.ked up it would take years to change. And there are still women out there who will go away and sulk.”
Women kept their mouths shut while monuments (many looking like phallic symbols) were hoisted up to honor males for great pioneering or fighting in every town in the U.S. Were some females told to go sulk when they ask why their names were not on the monuments and plaques? You bet you’re sinking butt line and prominent breasts they were!
A Civil War book was just published by two National Archivists. A fellow called in to NPR and said his relative had been a soldier in the Civil War and ask why there hadn’t been more written about females (like his relative) fighting in the war. The archivists stated up until women got the vote some things had been written, but male historians, being angry about that vote, decided to write them out of further histories. Were those women’s children told to shut up and go sulk elsewhere? How many other tidbits of U.S. (World) history have gone missing too? Just because of male insecurity!
He!! No! I won’t stay quiet, go sulk or anything else! This is a free board for both females and males, or at least it was.
Consider this: 4,000,000 American women are physically abused by intimate partners last year and “U.S. sexual behavior studies over the past 50 years have produced diverse estimates of male infidelity, ranging from 25 percent to 75 percent of men cheating on their wives” (and putting them at risk of serious disease.) There is a good chance some of the men dredging up degrading pictures or jokes or tee-heeing about raunchy auctions here in the RT & EO are in that category! Sulk? No Way!
Bear: I know several women who after reading the book, "Women are from Venus & Men from Mars" chose to rename the book "Men are from Uranus".
Yup. But, it was two junior high boys telling it, the females I know wouldn’t think
it funny.
bunnicula: I was interested in what Aaron wrote, not the date of the stats. I gave a link to reference his words and 2 quizzes. I did notice they were 10 years old. We have made some progress, although we are still told to go sulk.
Edited because it was male jokes, not joke jokes.
[ edited by aposter on Nov 26, 2002 06:43 PM ]
[ edited by aposter on Nov 26, 2002 06:50 PM ]
posted on November 26, 2002 07:57:03 PM new
aposter
Maybe I'm not sensitive about this issue but I see the joke as just amusing. It never occurred to me that it would be found offensive to anyone.
I'm sorry that you chose to bring Clinton into this discussion. You could discuss your hangups with sex and infidelity and whatever bothers you without using Clinton as your whipping boy.
Not just over Clinton's moral failures of course, but also about abortion, promiscuity, homosexualism, unwed motherhood, sex education, sexually transmitted disease, family breakup, child custody, pornography, welfare policy, and other issues -- all to a substantial degree related to sexual mores and behavior.
I see that it was written by Charles W. Moore, president of the Northern Baptist theological seminary. That explains a LOT.
posted on November 26, 2002 09:12:05 PM new
What about those 2 Czechoslovakian swinging bachelors on Saturday Night Live, Steve Martin and Dan Ackroyd? It was an obvious dig, but is still funny. Do you think that would be unacceptable today?
posted on November 26, 2002 10:21:39 PM newaposter:bunnicula: I was interested in what Aaron wrote, not the date of the stats. I gave a link to reference his words and 2 quizzes. I did notice they were 10 years old. We have made some progress, although we are still told to go sulk.
I wasn't chiding you for citing facts from 1990, but rather pointing out that in ten years those figures had gone up dramatically. Thereby negating the supposition that women are being "held back" by jokes or whatever.
For what it's worth, this is my POV: treatment & status of women in the past was pretty bad. And it should be remembered lest it be repeated, as with any history. BUT...the past is the past. IMHO, it is pointless and self-pitying to use the past as a crutch. "we deserve this or this shouldn't be done...because in the past..." While at the same time ignoring changes & improvements that have occured since the time alluded to. Women who scream that "they are being held back" when in fact their lot has improved dramatically are on par with black Americans who whine about something that took place 200 years ago & use it as an excuse for what they do now. So women didn't get the vote in the US until 1920--they have it now. So history didn't acknowledge women fighting in wars--it is being written about now. So women couldn't hold political office--they can now. So women didn't have a choice about how to live their lives--they do now. So people tell jokes about women--well, jokes about men abound as well. The plain fact is that for every single thing under the sun there is a person or group of people who will be offended by it.
Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there --Clare Booth Luce
