posted on December 18, 2002 03:07:51 PM new
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies -- Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed: +1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1
You leave the toilet seat up: -5 You leave the toilet lid down: -10 ...After the lights are out: -30
You replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty: 0 When the toilet paper roll is empty, you resort to Kleenex: -1 When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom: -2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh, extra-light panty liners with wings: +5 ...But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 You pummel it with a bat: +10 ...It's her father: -10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side throughout the entire party: 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2 ...Named Tiffany: -4 ...Tiffany is a dancer: -6 ...Tiffany has implants: -8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner: 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1 ...Okay, it is a sports bar: -2 And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3 It's all of the above and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal: -5 The pal is happily married: -4 ...Or frighteningly single: -7 ...And he drives a Mustang: -10 ...With a personalized license plate ("GR8 N BED": -15
A Night Out With Her:
You take her to a movie: +2 You take her to a movie she likes: +4 You take her to a movie you hate: +6 You take her to a movie you like: -2 ...It's called DeathCop 3: -3 ...Which features cyborgs having sex: -9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans: -15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly: -15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it: +10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts: -30 You say, "I don't give a damn because you have one too": -800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?": -5 You hesitate in responding: -10 You reply, "Where?": -35
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0 When she wants to talk, you listen for over 30 minutes: +5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV: +10 ...She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -20
posted on December 18, 2002 03:49:15 PM new
ROFLMHO - Those were great!!!
A long time ago, I don't remember who was being interviewed, but when he was asked about the accomplistment of staying married to the same woman for so many years...he said, "You 'Yes' her to death, you understand that anything she wants is the most important thing in your life, you understand that she's always right - in everything...etc...etc. It was so funny. I thought, "Now there's a man that understands women." hehe
: -15