msincognito
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posted on August 20, 2003 01:35:49 PM new
Having just scrubbed my hands and arms up to armpit after spraying Zout all over my brand-new Michael Simon cardigan along with a Carter's onesie (size 6-9 months) a changing-table pad and the cover of a Magic Vibrating Bouncy Chair. Marveling at the fact that a 16-pound human being can produce approximately a half-gallon of ... stuff ... and wondering how he managed to make it the exact shade of yellow found in an LA Laker's jersey. Or how he - having grinned and cooed all the while he was creating this monstrosity of nature - can now howl like a gangrenous banshee at the indignity of being cleaned and wrestled into one of his 1,252 other outfits. Each of which he wears exactly once, for approximately three and a half hours, before he outgrows it.
Some people call it "visiting a sister and a new baby nephew." I call it "affirming life choices."
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We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.
------------The Talmud
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Linda_K
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posted on August 20, 2003 01:42:40 PM new
Ahhhh.....but while we are forced to see the financial costs of the little ones...the rewards they bring are so much more valuable than any expensive item of clothing costs us.
And besides this is just the beginning of a long list of 'joyful' experiences you will be able to remind your nephew of when he's grown. hehe Did you take pictures 
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msincognito
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posted on August 20, 2003 01:49:51 PM new
You're right ... pictures would have been useful visual aids when I explained to him exactly why I was cutting him out of my will.
I would say that the cardigan was simply the "icing on the cake" but given the recent assault of images on my brain I am afraid that would only cause me to loathe cake for the rest of my life. Besides which, time has proven I can get other nephews, possibly even from this sister. This was the only cardigan left in my size!
I mean, seriously. What would you say to someone who - just three days after you met them - took it upon themselves to excrete all over your (current) favorite sweater?
He was really cute up 'til now. It's a shame.
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We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.
------------The Talmud
[ edited by msincognito on Aug 20, 2003 02:00 PM ]
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orleansgallery
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posted on August 20, 2003 01:56:12 PM new
a tagline from the Talumud, I can' resist. Its simply not true. I don 't always see things as I AM and most of the time i do see things as THEY ARE. I just love all this so called "ancient wisdom" or "intellectual" quotes that constantly maintain that I am not in control of my mind.
I am in control of my mind and I can see most things objectively, AS THEY ARE.
SO if I see a terrorist blow up a building can I not see it as terrorism? If I see terrorism as a terrorist act does that mean I am a terrorist? according to you tagline people are incapable of being objective and inturpret reality based on their ego driven observations---HORSE KADOODLE-- It makes no sense whatsoever.
[ edited by orleansgallery on Aug 20, 2003 01:57 PM ]
[ edited by orleansgallery on Aug 20, 2003 01:57 PM ]
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Linda_K
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posted on August 20, 2003 02:03:34 PM new
LOL
One of these days he'll do something so precious and loving that it will erase these unpleasant moments from your memory.
Then you'll most likely turn into one of those dotting Aunts who continually inform others how advanced, intellectually superior to other children their nephews are. 
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msincognito
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posted on August 20, 2003 02:13:16 PM new
Well, all I can say is that he has some serious ground to make up. He's not helping himself any by howling and holding his little fists up like he wants me to hold him or something.
He is pretty warm, though. I'm only picking him up because it's freezing here. Gee, it would be great if I had a cardigan or anything....
Oh, great. He just threw up.
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We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.
------------The Talmud
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orleansgallery
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posted on August 20, 2003 02:15:34 PM new
did you get a little tagline embroidered on his bib? hee hee hee
Just a little humor...there there
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Linda_K
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posted on August 20, 2003 02:26:32 PM new
Freezing there???? Where are you...I wondered why you had a sweater on. I'm headed there asap if it's Alaska. It's 107.3 here right now and if my air-conditioning should fail I ....well...I just can't even think about that happening.
Would love to see a picture of the little man, but understand some don't feel comfortable posting pictures. And NOT pictures of the messes he's creating for your initiation process.
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Helenjw
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posted on August 20, 2003 02:26:38 PM new
Consider your life choice affirmed and tell your sister that you will return in about nine years when he can appreciate Harry Potter.
Now, he is just a bundle of nerves and probably can't even see straight.
Helen
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Fenix03
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posted on August 20, 2003 02:30:21 PM new
ROFL!! Stories such as yours make me glad that I am the childless only child of two only children. My sweaters and appetite for cake remain safe and secure while I giggle away at your adventures DiaMs
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Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner
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ebayauctionguy
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posted on August 20, 2003 05:51:28 PM new
Are you sure the kid is human? Could be some kind of alien...
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profe51
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posted on August 20, 2003 09:34:20 PM new
My 10 year old was astounded recently when his mom and I roughly calculated the number of diapers we had changed from birth to potty training...I told him "that's ok, wait till you have to change my depends!" 
orleans: do your manic periods last more than a few days?
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What luck for the leaders that men do not think. - Adolph Hitler
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msincognito
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posted on August 21, 2003 01:10:17 PM new
Actually, we are in Sacramento so it's 102 outside... but the little sprout's parents are addicted to air conditioning so they keep it set very low.
We spent yesterday afternoon shopping and he was good as gold, so he's back in the will. For now.
LindaK, I'm on my laptop so I can't post a photo. When I get back I will try! He really is very cute despite having no discernable eyebrows.
Helenjw, I'm actually hopeful that he will soon be appreciating Harlan Ellison and Jon Stewart. He seems a very advanced sort of baby.
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We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.
------------The Talmud
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Helenjw
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posted on August 21, 2003 02:39:08 PM new
I suspected that your attitude toward the little rascal would change. How quickly after the total destruction of your Michael Simon cardigan, he became a "very advanced sort of baby".
Next, we may hear that he is accompanying you home.
Helen
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