posted on January 27, 2004 03:57:19 AM new
This is what President Bush SHOULD have said:
My fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of
Iraq's regime has been completed. Since congress does
not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the
order for a complete removal of all American forces
from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30
days. It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before
me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom,
Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there. The other list contains
everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases
immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during
the first year alone will pretty much pay for the
costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no
longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes
and watch those government leaders grow fat on
corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an
epidemic? Call France. In the future, together with
Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward
solving the vexing social problems we still have at
home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate
you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
France, or maybe China. To Israel and the Palestinian
Authority. Yo, boys Work out a peace deal now. Just
note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can
go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great
palaces there. Big tables, too. I'm ordering the
immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon
chance, mes amis. I have instructed the Mayor of New
York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic
vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two
unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about
whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets
tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and
limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops
in the world. I love New York. A special note to our
neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might
want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico
is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment.
I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep,
border security. So start doing something with your
oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating
the NAFTA treaty---starting now. It is time for
America to focus on its own welfare and its own
citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I
answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century
of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just
about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate
hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate
World Cup soccer from America. To the nations on List
1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. To the
nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. God
bless America.
Thank you and good night.
posted on January 27, 2004 07:09:22 PM new
President Bush met with President Fernando Henrique Cardoso of Brazil and somehow thought to ask him: 'Do you have blacks, too?'"
In 2001, President George W. Bush, a former C student, returned to Yale (his alma mater) to receive an honorary degree. "And to the C students," he declared, "I say, you, too, can be president of the United States!"
posted on January 27, 2004 07:21:06 PM new
If you belong to a great crime family.
Prostitution and gambling is for the small time Mafia. The real powers have business like oil and arms. They don't have to worry about the cops - the cops have to worry about them.
posted on January 27, 2004 07:37:05 PM newWhat the President should NOT of Said TODAY.....
"Listen, let me just take a step back on this very important issue," Bush told [Polish President] Kwasniewski. "We value our friendship with Poland. Poland is our great friend. There are thousands of Polish Americans who..."
"Millions," the Polish president broke in with a smile.
Clearly a bit taken aback, Bush continued: "Millions, excuse me? I just don't want to overstate the case here."
"Especially before the election. Millions and millions," Kwasniewski insisted. The nine million ethnic Poles in the United States are considered an important voting group.
http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/N27253056.htm
27 Jan 2004 20:51:27 GMT
Polish president openly prods Bush on visas
By Adam Entous
WASHINGTON, Jan 27 (Reuters)
posted on January 27, 2004 08:00:44 PM new
According to a widely circulated internet bulletin, Nostradamus once composed a curious quatrain about George W. Bush:
Come the millennium, month twelve,
In the home of greatest power,
The village idiot will come forth,
To be acclaimed the leader.
hahahahahahahaha!
Alas, as snopes.com pointed out, nothing in Nostradamus's writings comes close to this quatrain, "even when translated by a first-year French student."
"Those stories about my intellectual capacity do get under my skin," George W. Bush once confessed at a White House dinner. "You know for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence briefing.'"
One day in 2001, President George W. Bush was asked by a British child what the White House was like. Bush's reply? "It is white."
Dubya Dip Recession?
"[George Bush, Jr.'s] grandfather may have run a blue-blooded investment bank, Brown Brothers Harriman. His father may have shuttled smoothly between Texas oilmen and WASP financiers. But Mr Bush himself seems more at home in the OK Corral than in the canyons of lower Manhattan. It was all too appropriate (if probably unconnected) that, when he went to Wall Street to reassure nervous investors on July 9th [2002], the Dow fell nearly 500 points in two days."
One day during the 2000 Presidential election campaign, George W. Bush declared that Gore's tax plan was not really viable. "It's going to require," he explained, "numerous IRA agents."
posted on January 27, 2004 09:32:16 PM new"A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change."
posted on January 27, 2004 10:01:23 PM new
Ya, must be sending more sailors to Canada.
In the Navy, yes, you can sail the seven seas.
In the Navy, yes, you can put your mind at ease.
In the Navy, come on now people, make a stand.
In the Navy, can't you see we need a hand.
In the Navy, come on, protect the motherland.
In the Navy, come on and join your fellow, man.
In the Navy, come on, people, and make a stand.
In the Navy, in the Navy.
