posted on April 4, 2004 05:08:48 PM new
THE TWO-COW THEORY
A CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbour.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The Government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
A CONSERVATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?
A LIBERAL: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The Government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The Government seizes both and sells you the milk.
DEMOCRACY, WESTERN-STYLE: You have two cows. The Government taxes you to the point where you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, WESTERN-STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and create a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY,WESTERN-STYLE: You have two cows. The Government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION. You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION. You have two cows. You redesign them so they are a tenth of the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon, you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
