posted on November 22, 2004 10:32:45 AM new
Subject: LATE BREAKING NEWS
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it is not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.
The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken." When I said I didn't have any, he left. "Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.
"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
Joe Blundo is a Dispatch columnist
Americans again prove Pres Bush is the best man for the job
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." --John Stuart Mill
posted on November 22, 2004 12:38:09 PM new
Funny...bear, thanks.
-----
I would propose that we let all the Canadian conservatives move here...in exchange for the US liberals that want to live there. Might make both countries more happy and have less to argue about. Well...I can dream can't I?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Four More Years....YES!!!
posted on November 22, 2004 12:50:25 PM new
Uh..Libra.. what was that you were saying about cheerleaders? Oh.. like the ones above my post right here? ROFLMAO..ALWAYS BITES YOU IN THE AZZ, DOESN'T IT..
posted on November 22, 2004 01:38:42 PM new
Maggie, you're close enough to the border, don't stop now.... Americans again prove Pres Bush is the best man for the job
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." --John Stuart Mill
posted on November 22, 2004 01:58:23 PM new
Sorry Maggie, I get you and Crow mixed up. Americans again prove Pres Bush is the best man for the job
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." --John Stuart Mill
posted on November 22, 2004 02:01:08 PM new
Thanks for the laugh Bear. I copied and printed it and I handed it to my boss, she laughed her asss off and she's a Liberal. Now she wants me to email it to her so she can forward it to all her liberal friends. She's sitting right here right now watching me type this.
posted on November 22, 2004 02:44:39 PM new
Yep, the "Cajuns" (Acadians) of South Louisiana still speak cajun french in the deep bayou country south of Lafayette. At one time Lafayette had a radio station that broadcast in french part of the time. Their zydeco music is great.
I'll bet Maggie could tell you about Cajun country.
posted on November 22, 2004 06:39:00 PM new
I knew there were French people in LA, and that there's a section referred to as 'the French quarter'.
But I don't believe they're liberals....am I wrong? Most all their counties were red. And aren't Canadian French the same...liberals? My Canadian friends always said they were 'nuts'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Four More Years....YES!!!
posted on November 22, 2004 07:20:35 PM new
Buckwheat Zydeco, isn't it?
____________________________________________
Dick Cheney: "I have not suggested there's a connection between Iraq and 9/11..."
During my oilfield trucking days, I work with an old man from Louisiana. Whenever we stopped to eat outside Houma or Morgan City, he would order a hamburger & tell the waitress to HOLD the rice.
Americans again prove Pres Bush is the best man for the job
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." --John Stuart Mill
posted on November 22, 2004 08:34:44 PM new
Prof is right. It's Buckwheat Zydeco.
The group does an annual Thanksgiving Show in Lafayette, LA. When I was in sales, I spent a lot of time in Lafayette, Baton Rouge, New Orleans, and Houma. I still have a lot of friends in BR and NO. I really like South Louisiana and its culture. A lady purchasing agent that I called on in Lafayette, grew up in the bayou. Her grandfather would take her to meet the school bus in a pireau (a type of canoe). She spoke only Cajun French till she started school.
And for a sight to see, visit the Crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridge. Talk about fun. There's a small picture book out called "The Cajun Night Before Christmas". Hilarious.
posted on November 22, 2004 08:44:30 PM new
Bear, I worked in sales to the oil industry for years before the oil industry retired before I was ready to retire.LOL
We had a warehouse in Berwick near Morgan City.
Talk about rice in Louisiana, "Dirty Rice" is the national food, I believe.
posted on November 22, 2004 08:48:02 PM new
Linda: I don't imagine a lot of the deep bayou cajuns even vote. They are a very independent, close-knit, "leave me alone" kind of people.
posted on November 22, 2004 09:04:14 PM new
Morgan City used to be a wild place, if memory serves..lot of oil field trash(with class)...LOL.. I seem to remember a few sleepless nights in motels with a gun under my pillow..
I speak a little French...but I don't speak Coon-ass..
National food....anything that comes out of the swamp..
[ edited by maggiemuggins on Nov 22, 2004 09:09 PM ]
posted on November 22, 2004 09:08:16 PM new
Maggie: oil field trash with class.
That's me.
Bumper sticker in Texas and Louisiana.
"Please don't tell my mother that I work in the oil patch, she think's I'm a piano player in a *****house". ( a place of ill repute, shall we say).
OMG, Maybe the reason you were having to sleep with that gun under your pillow, was because of people like me in Morgan City. Had we only known. LOL
[ edited by etexbill on Nov 22, 2004 09:14 PM ]
posted on November 23, 2004 11:20:31 AM new
Thanks for taking the time to post those links for me bear. Very much appreciate that.
And thank you too, etexbill for your contribution to my LA education.
It's most interesting to hear others sharing their lives....where they've been...what they've experienced. The only thing I've ever seen from LA is on the shows where they're restoring the old LA mansions and they give a little bit of their history.
