posted on October 3, 2005 07:34:15 AM new
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been pure hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut all your hair last week, the first thing that came to my mind was you look like a man. My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say something nice. When you cooked my favorite meal you must have gotten me confused with my BROTHER, because I stopped eating Pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50.00 from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lottery for ten million dollars I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother, was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
posted on October 3, 2005 08:06:20 AM new
Cute - the lottery thing reminded me of a story on the news a few years ago.
A guy in Boulder won the Colorado Lottery, I seem to remember it was around 10 million that he won. Since you have a year to claim, he said nothing to anyone. He asked his long time girlfriend to marry him and together they planned their wedding with a budget based on their current income etc... the only hassle they had was when scheduled their honeymoon departure for the Tuesday after the wedding citing the discounted fees for flying on Tuesday.
Monday morning though he surprised her by taking her out for breakfast and then to the Lottery office where they claimed their "wedding present".
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An intelligent deaf-mute is better than an ignorant person who can speak.
posted on October 3, 2005 08:29:01 AM new I gave my liberal neighbors son a book for his birthday. He went crazy trying to find where to put the batteries.
