posted on September 8, 2000 07:22:34 PM new
Hi Maui--not proud of it---but yes--if someone has wronged me in my minds eye---I hold a tremendous grudge. And that is the kicker---in my mind's eye---this person may or may not know I am royally pissed at what has happened in the past---but I just can't let it go personally. For instance-------------------KRS---on these chats---has been a real thorn in my side personally since I have been on board since February 1999----I never seem to agree with this person---KRS--bet you didn't know
FYI. Got real people in my life too--but just to make this on line savvy--thought I'd make it relevent. Oh well
posted on September 8, 2000 07:54:57 PM newShadowcat I couldn't say it better - My view is that we only have so much energy to expend in a lifetime. Holding grudges is a total and complete waste of time. Think of all that negative energy overlapping what could be a happy life. I think that's one reason my husband and I have lasted 24 years (plus 3 as sweethearts before that) - We're both very good at saying exactly what we mean and then moving along. Most of the time neither of us can even remember what we were fighting about.
posted on September 8, 2000 07:57:45 PM new
OK according to Shawdowcat--just roll over and play dead---don't hold a grudge---Man--wish was life so simple. Sorry Shawdowcat if I have miscontrued your words---just what my take of it was.
posted on September 8, 2000 08:06:57 PM newJeanyu: Do you equate not holding a grudge to allowing people to walk over you? If you do, to put it bluntly, you're wrong. Holding a grudge has nothing to do with how I respond to people and everything to do with holding in anger and keeping a list of what I perceive to be another's offenses toward me.
I simply believe in dealing with things and then moving on. And I don't consider myself anyone's doormat. If someone offends me, I will say something, because there's always the chance that I've misunderstood what was said or done.
Heck, if I held a grudge every time I got angry at someone, I would have divorced my husband after three days of marriage. We're past #23 and still going strong...
And there's a few people on several boards who would confirm I'm no shrinking pussycat when it comes to letting my feelings be known. Right, Maui?
posted on September 8, 2000 08:21:34 PM new
I like grudges--gives me a reason to live--yes!!! NOT. Shawdowcat--my honey and I have been together for almost 4 years and there is sometimes this shrieking factor. Not a grudge mind you, just this unholy shriek that comes from the bowels of my soul. "IE__turn off the friggin TV or ask me this question one more time and I'm going to shriek and disentergrate!!!"
Grudges only come from the real life and on line a**holes that come my way and I seem to attract. Oh well--the info from AW has been more overriding than the personal slings that come my way. I'm in for the long haul because AW is a wealthof Info that no one could find anywhere. AW And Posters---You RULE!!!!!! JMHO
posted on September 8, 2000 08:23:35 PM newJeanyu Someone around here has a tagline - wish I could remember who it is. Says something about - Don't take life so seriously - it ain't permanent no how.
Choosing not to hold a grudge doesn't mean you roll over for anyone. It just means that you choose to focus on positive rather than negative. It makes for a much happier and relaxing life when you're willing to accept the fact that everyone is different - and that's o.k., isn't it? Holding a grudge is exhausting - why would anyone want to? If someone offends or bothers me enough to make me angry (and that takes a lot) - I think it makes a much better use of my time and energy to just eliminate them from my life then to keep them around and hang on to a grudge.
And, if they're gone from my life- then who I am hurting by holding a grudge against them? Only myself, IMO.
I think life is that simple and is gone in a blink - so I ain't wasting mine on grudges.
posted on September 8, 2000 08:25:03 PM new
I dont hold grudges myself. I do tend to "remember" when it slams into my chest area and involves the thing that ticks there. But hold a grudge for mundane things? No. Hold one for a "hurt"? Depends how deep a hurt it is, I guess.
posted on September 8, 2000 08:29:40 PM new
So, go see my newest curiousity thread. Im nosey tonight...deep thoughts, things Im thinking about...and want you folks' opinion.
posted on September 8, 2000 09:14:56 PM new
Attitude is everything, you know!
READ THIS. LET IT REALLY SINK IN. THEN CHOOSE
HOW YOU START YOUR DAY TOMORROW.
Michael is the kind of guy you love to love. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say: When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "if I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was
there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"Michael replied,"Each morning I wake up and! say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood
or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be
in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it.
I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of
life. I choose the positive side of life. "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Michael said.
"Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a
choice. You choose how tyou react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life." I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left
the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought
about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious
accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care Michael was released from the
hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michaelabout six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds,
but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took
place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or
I could choose to die. I chose to live."
Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really
scared. In their eyes, I readhe's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked. "Well there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,
said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to
anything. "Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited
for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live.
Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry
about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
You have two choices now.
Man, I wanna be like Mike, but how to get from here to there??? Go through life truly and whole heartedly without ANY grudges? Is that human?
posted on September 8, 2000 09:53:50 PM new
Nah, I'm happier.
My mother could not only hold a grudge, she would cradle it close to her heart and rock it and coo at it as though it were the most precious thing in the world. She was also a bitter, angry woman who was terribly unhappy with her life.
I had her example to show me that grudges were more destructive to those holding them than the ones against whom the grudge was held.
posted on September 8, 2000 10:19:07 PM newShellsputer I've seen that one before and it's a great reminder for me. I also like Phil McGraws quote - People only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. I've really started to apply that in my life and it's a great way to get free of some of the negativity and horse sh*t.
I also had a relative that knew how to hold a grudge. I think that for people that take it to the extreme to "cradle it" the grudge becomes so intense that it's like a toxin in their bodies - just eating away until it destroys them.
posted on September 8, 2000 10:30:47 PM new
mmmmmm..... I think we could all learn a lesson from our relatives, I have a few too, who don't know any other way. Maybe it's hereditary, I don't know. There are just so many things in my life that I can't seem to let go of. Talking the talk and walking the walk are two different things though. I would LIKE to let go of old grudges, but I just don't know how. Or maybe I do know how, but I just don't want to?? There's a certain comfort zone to it.
I really do wanna BE like Mike.
posted on September 8, 2000 10:34:56 PM new
It depends on just what a person has done to or against me. With small things I don't hold grudges--but if a person harms or wrongs me in a large way, then I definitely have a long memory.
posted on September 8, 2000 10:36:12 PM new
shellsputer-oh Hi Shell or do they call you Shelly? (most call me Shell )
Well I would like to be Mike too, but there are just some days..... ya know?
btw I know a Michael and he isn't like the Michael in the story, by far! not that he isn't a cool, nice person, but he doesn't have that attitude either.... too bad
posted on September 8, 2000 10:51:43 PM new
Hi Shell!! It's nice to finally meet you!! Maui named me shellspc, cuz she already calls you Shell. Oh well, so I lost my name, but that's ok, 2 Shells make the world a better place. A little more confusing perhaps.
Ironicly(sp?), a Mike emailed that to me yesterday. (I seem to find a lot of stuff in my email that relates to these postings that I feel I must share)I've been having a lot of "those days" lately, it seems, so yes, I can relate. Now, I'm just waiting for someone to show up here and lambast us for holding grudges, tell us why it's a sin and so on, and then for some else to show up lambasting those who DON'T, and why they SHOULD....LOL!!!
