posted on October 18, 2000 07:17:08 PM new
Been a looong while since we had a decent story thread so I'll start:
It was a sultry starry evening on the Mala Mala Game Reserve and the young and glamorous honeymoon couple, Rachelle and Joshua, were resting on the balcony of their suite after a long day's Safari. It was a 5 star resort in the midst of the African Bush and everything was perfect. Almost. Rachelle had an unsettling feeling in her gut as she looked at her new husband and began to ponder their whirlwind romance that led to the altar only one week after their meeting. She...
posted on October 18, 2000 07:22:32 PM new
wondered why she had never noticed that funny tatoo on his butt. She quietly crept forward to get a better look. The tatoo was a strange yellow flower, with some lettering underneath it. "Let's see," Rachelle thought to herself. "What does this say?"
posted on October 18, 2000 07:24:35 PM new
...Joshua turned quickly and covered his butt with his soft terry robe, and now Rachelle was even more curious. She rose and poured him some wine, hoping he would relax and she could sneak a peak at his tush...
posted on October 18, 2000 07:38:40 PM new
...Shocked, she jumped back and dropped the bottle of wine, which shattered on the balcony's tile. The wine ran and dripped over the side, and from below, she heard a voice yelling "Hey!...
posted on October 18, 2000 08:09:52 PM new
Rachelle was certain she had heard that voice before. But for the moment, she blew it off as another hotel guest miffed from too much sun and a head drenched in Cabernet. She turned back to Joshua...
posted on October 19, 2000 08:25:38 AM new
But the voice came again! "I need Richards tush to tell me about the DIAL A MEAL program....pleaaasseeee"....so Rachelle leaned over to see who was there, and found Jane Fonda, wrapped in a sheet and looking up to the balconey. Turning to Joshua, Rachelle said "Joshua, please turn around and let Jane view your tush...she needs help from it and only it can assist her"...so Joshua walked to the balcony, bent over and...
posted on October 19, 2000 10:06:05 AM new
...plummeted over the edge! Fortunately, he landed in some soft brush that buffered the fall. Unfortunately, it was soft brush located in the middle of a circle of a pack of lions. As the lions eyed him...
posted on October 19, 2000 10:58:51 AM new
A yodel was heard coming from the brush...ther! Off to the left! All of a sudden, POUNDING out of the trees and vines, Tarzan appeared on the back of his elephant...charging the lions who were eyeing Joshua! "AHHHHeeeAHHHHeeeAHHHH" yelled Tarzan! Joshua looked up, to see this huge elephant bearing down on him and immediately........
posted on October 19, 2000 12:01:08 PM new
...covered his 'vital organs' with one hand and was reaching to cover the tattoed tush with his other but it was too late. Tarzan saw the tattoo and immediately came to a halt. "Ugh!", he grunted. "Long lost evil twin brother!" Joshua panicked and...
posted on October 19, 2000 01:10:22 PM new
hugged the elephant's trunk, saying "NO NO NO!!!! I must be dreaming...it isnt possible"! Meanwhile, back at the ranch, er...resort, Rachelle was beating of lions, and hollered to Tarzan.....
posted on October 19, 2000 01:16:03 PM new
"It looks like only two writers are calling the shots in this here movie, bub. Better get that elephant over here....because these lions are HONGRY and I dont wanna die quite yet". With that said, Rachelle commenced to...
posted on October 19, 2000 02:43:41 PM new
Sing "Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY"...SCANNING with her SCANNER abilities, she spied off in the distance...
edited because I forgot the smilie...so here it is
posted on October 19, 2000 03:02:31 PM new
(LOL @ the 2 writers )
...a jeep heading toward them with a man in a black suit and Foster Grant shades standing in the front, peering toward them. Rachelle ran down the stairs, clad only in a white lace teddy and pumps. Tarzan's eyes bugged out watching Rachelle. As she neared the lion circle, the jeep stopped and the man in black stepped out with a large manila envelope in his hand. She watched him walk toward Joshua and Tarzan and...
posted on October 19, 2000 03:08:19 PM new
stated solemnly "you are being sued for indecent exposure and elephant theft". Tarzan immediately began to blather that the elephant was his pet from childhood...the elephant screeched and reared on its hind legs quivering and holding its trunk over his eyes and Joshua stood with his mouth agape, sheepishly holding the folds of his sheet together, stammering "HUH? WHO ME? INDECENT?"
The man in the black suit then....
posted on October 19, 2000 03:11:45 PM new
...looked, horrified, as Tarzan's elephant charged and trampled him. "Ugh! So much for THAT f*ckin lawsuit!", Tarzan said. And he turned to Rachelle, drool pouring out of the sides of his mouth, forgetting all about Jane...
posted on October 19, 2000 03:15:33 PM new
and Jane promptly served him again with spare papers she had, just in case something like this happened. Tarzan was at a loss...he desired Jane, but she just served him. Should he stomp her too? Or just....um...just do other things to her to make her forget. Meanwhile, the elephant picks up his foot, looking at the gooey mess stringing from his foot to what used to be a man in a black suit...and Joshua edged closer to the elephant thinking..."hum...Im going to change the elephants name to Sam". With that, Sam looked at Joshua and said "fine...I will change YOUR name to Fred". With that, Fred hopped on Sams back and.....
posted on October 19, 2000 04:01:58 PM new
Rides off into the sunset while Rachelle watches dumbfounded. "That'll teach me to marry a man after a week, and I never did find out about that tattoo. Oh well." Then, not wanting that lace teddy and Tarzan's ever growing "interest" to go to waste, Rachelle sidles over to Tarzan and ...
posted on October 19, 2000 06:38:22 PM new
So, Rachelle, Tarzan and the Cheetah/Sgt. Mike hybrid jump into the nearest safari jeep and head off at break neck speed after the runaway elephant. "Come back here with my husband" Rachelle screams. "Damn it's hard to work a clutch in stilleto heels."
"I said come back here with my husband, we're going to consumate this marriage come hell or high water!!!"
You see, Rachelle's grandmother's will had a clause stating that, in order for Rachelle to inherit her millions, Rachelle must marry and consumate her marriage before the stroke of midnight on her twenty-ninth birthday.
edited because 'marriage' has an 'e' on the end. Duh!
[ edited by sjl1017 on Oct 19, 2000 06:40 PM ]
posted on October 19, 2000 07:59:39 PM new
...and tomorrow was the big birthday! But Rachelle longed for Tarzan, not Joshua. Being twins, they were alike in many uncanny ways, and yet worlds different. Their mother, a missionary in her younger days who had a brief rendezvous with a native from a pygmy tribe. She had a long hard labor deep in the jungle and gave birth to the twins under the full moon, with the help of a midwife, who was buzzing on some payote. She took the smaller and weaker one back to the States because she knew he could only survive in a soft white collar world and left the stronger one behind, vowing to return for him one day...
posted on October 20, 2000 02:47:21 AM new
...just before leaving, as she held the weaker twin son with her left arm, she held on her right hand a small and strange looking ivory jewelry box, decorated with some rare symbols on the top lid and some inscriptions that seemed to be in Arabic on the four sides. She handed it to her other son holding down her tears and whispered to him “I can not care for you for a while, I want you to keep this, don’t ever lose it, inside you will find the secret that ...
posted on October 20, 2000 10:37:32 AM new
...will bring you and your brother together one day. Tarzan still had the mysterious box but never could figure out what the heck it meant. After all, he was the strong one, not the smart one. Still, there he was, reunited, more by dumb luck than design, and he felt that gnawing sibling rivalry, despite the years that had separated them. He brought the jeep to a screeching halt and challenged Joshua to a contest, with Rachelle as the prize. The contest was to be...
posted on October 20, 2000 07:13:44 PM new
1-2-3-ROCK!
1-2-3-SCISSORS!
1-2-3-PAPER!
Rats! They kept coming up with the same thing everytime! So they decided to return to the resort and try to drink each other under the table. Once again on the balcony, they ordered a few bottles of Jose Cuervo from room service and started tossing shots while Rachelle paced the floor. Then...
posted on October 20, 2000 08:18:40 PM new
...he told him, I want to show you something that Mom gave me a long time ago when we became separated. Inside I found your e-mail, but maybe you can tell me what it's written on this box. He gave the small misterious box to his brother, after all he was the one in the gifted program all this years while living in Daytona Beach, FL. His hands were trembling as he held the box. Suddenly the numbing effect of all the Tequila vanished, Rachelle stopped pasing around the room as she sensed she was no longer the prize. Something was wrong....terribly wrong! Joshua read out loud ...
posted on October 20, 2000 09:08:08 PM new
"Property of Tutankamun" (sp?)
OMG what could it mean?
Then they found a false bottom and tucked under it was a neatly folded letter from their mother which said:
"My darling sons,
If you have found this, you have found each other. This box can bring you boundless joy or endless sorrow, according to the Egyptian legend I learned when I uncovered this from King Tut's tomb. If you have opened it and ignore the other contents, you will be cursed. But if you can figure out what it all means, your life will be happy till the end of your days.
Love and hugs,
Mom
p.s., I would have enclosed some homebaked chocolate chip cookies for you but you know how that African heat and decades of time does a number on baked goods.
They scratched their heads trying to figure out what the cryptic note meant and...
posted on October 26, 2000 03:05:49 AM new
.. Joshua stared straigh at Tarzan, holding the open box and the old note .. the silence was so dense a fly could not make it thru, and then he erupted..So you ate the chocolate chips? .. Tarzan could not believe his sordid sense of humor. Rachelle jumped in and taking the box from Joshua’s hands .. I think I know this very old merchant that owns an antique shop in Cairo .. I think is called “The Califa’s Den” let’s take it there.. Tarzan said..we should take the river .. I can make a canoe .. Joshua added .. what about the cocodriles? Rachelle gently went .. aaahhh! the Nile is so romantic this time of the year.
Joshua..forget it, I’m not going in a canoe! Rachelle .. me neither, but I know about this boat that leaves every day at dusk, there is a big poker game on board and the ride is free for the gamblers. Joshua rubbed his chin as he remembered his last ride on Sun Cruz Casino back in Cape Canaveral, Florida, when he cleaned the house .. It was also free .. Joshua came back and said.. hey that’s so cool, count me in! What about you Tarzan? Rachelle asked .. as she returned the enigmatic box back to him …
...) Barris
