posted on October 24, 2000 04:00:33 PM new
Daughter and four year old grandson are living here now. Husband has been in Knoxville for two months. I'm about ready to lose it. How do you guys cope with stress???? I'm on two prescription drugs already, so we can skip over that part. Help you guys! PLEEZE??
posted on October 24, 2000 04:26:46 PM new
Well, I went to the nursing home and laid around with my mom for awhile. She reminded me that I did the same thing to her, i.e. moved in with her when my daughter was 5. My mom finally told me to go home and face the music because her dinner was coming. She's a card.
posted on October 24, 2000 04:35:52 PM new
The source of stress is usually conflict. In your case it is probably between your needs/wants/desires and your daughters. If you can focus on those points and identify the primary stress issues, you may be able to discuss them with the hopeful result of a compromise. Chances are your daughter is also stressed and will welcome a mutually beneficial solution.
posted on October 24, 2000 05:01:27 PM new
Xardon: We're ALL stressed. She's beginning a divorce, the ex-husband keeps calling, the four year old is a typical four year old, and we have THREE DOGS in the house. My daughter's dog is 12 years old and makes messes in the house on our white carpet... well, you get the picture. She hasn't started working yet, so we're supporting her until she starts her new job. That includes paying for child care, not to mention the $500 retainer to the attorney. My mom is in the nursing home, my son is in college and he has his problems but not nearly as many except for when he hit a deer two weeks ago. Plus, stress affects my blood sugar - not good. So I'm about flippin out here. I appreciate your collective support. Really, I do!
posted on October 24, 2000 05:18:57 PM new
Sometimes there is no solution. Comforting cliches can be offered in the guise of help, but no real fix will come from without.
When faced with difficulties of a seeming insurmountable nature I just resolve to see them through. There really is no other choice, is there?
posted on October 24, 2000 05:26:35 PM new
Take some time for yourself. A block of time that you do whatever you want, that you completely un-enmesh from your daughter and her son and their problems.
Truly?
I would suggest a long walk, but better yet - go to the gym.
I have two demanding children, a husband, a rental house, this business, various challenges and some months ago I was ready to shoot up a mall. At it's base this is anger. See, my turn never came, but the truth is I had no one to blame but myself.
Instead of the mall idea, I reactivated my gym membership. I go 3 X a week no matter what. The first time I got on a treadmill I realized I had not been able to walk as fast as I wanted to for FIVE years. This is the deal when you have small children. The realization made me feel exhilarated. Now for these several hours a week, I don't care who is screaming, whining, needing or whatever, I am NOT HOME. It is the old "pay yourself first" idea. Do this, and the others will learn by your example.
Next time you look in the mirror say "I will not forsake you" and then keep your promise. Do this for just a few days and it will turn your world.
posted on October 24, 2000 05:29:22 PM new
Muriel...we had a very stressful summer around here with some moronic neighbors. I actually had to retain an attorney to get most of it calmed down.
However, I did start taking St. John's Wort (I'm not on any prescriptions though) and I also started saying the rosary more. Now, if you're not Catholic or religious, it may not seem viable, but I've noticed that "Let Go and Let God" really did work wonders for me. My relationship with my husband became much closer and I was better able to ignore alot of the crap that was going on.
There are no easy answers other than just hanging on and letting the pieces fall into place. And having on-line friends to vent to helps more than I can say! And also realize that sometimes you can't be in control. Acceptance can sometimes be a good thing.
*****************************
That's Flunky Gerbiltush to you!
posted on October 24, 2000 05:31:13 PM new
You know, my doctor has been telling me that exercise really helps stress, hormone problems, and blood sugar. That is probably a good idea. After all, I don't have to rush home anymore to feed the dogs because they're no longer alone. Plus, my mom is probably tired of me hanging out at the "home".
What upsets me is that I have to give up selling on eBay for awhile. My grandson is constantly crashing around my eBay/computer room, and I'm afraid he's going to break something that I've sold. And besides, the only time he's quiet is when he's playing on the computer. So I have to lessen the stress any way I can, and this is one way I can.
posted on October 24, 2000 05:35:17 PM new
Njrazd: Good words of advice. Thank you. I'm feeling better already. Also, I just talked to my poor almost ex-son-in-law, and I feel sad for him. But we talked, and I think I calmed him down and convinced him to just let this happen. I told him we're working to make sure everyone gets along, and that everyone gets to see my grandson when they want, including his mother. Sigh. It was never meant to be this way.
posted on October 24, 2000 05:44:15 PM new
Murial - I have a 5 YO and a 18 MO and all I can say is get yourself a baby gate. Put it up and say "OFF LIMITS" and NOT up for discussion.
You will get a pout about it but it will be brief. Do this tomorrow, the sooner you can start drawing lines the better.
posted on October 24, 2000 05:48:58 PM new
Oh..
Sorry, I reread your post and see your grandson plays on your computer.
My daughter has her own, but like to use mine and I do allow it.
She gets lifted over the gate and told that if she touches anything but the mouse or the keyboard she will not be invited back anytime soon. She respects this, and the reason is the GATE. She knows she is in my space, and that it is a privilege.
Muriel Is it possible for you to take a little trip to visit your husband for a few days while he's out of town? It would give you a chance to clear your mind and to develop a plan of action with him on how you'll both deal with all the issues that are bound to come up with your new housefull. I don't know, I just keep thinking escape! LOL If you can't literally physically escape maybe you can just follow the others advice and escape for little bits at a time.
posted on October 25, 2000 03:50:31 PM new
Well, I took a step in the right direction and a friend of mine/co-worker and I joined "Curves", a women's health club. Our company pays for it. We're going to go after work at least three times a week, if not every night. Oh sure, you've heard this before, but I have to really try. It's only for 30 minutes and I think it will help with the stress.
posted on October 25, 2000 04:23:57 PM new
Muriel!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!
You should be very proud!
Listen...
If your pal quits going, make that double your resolve.
I am in my late thirties and have no idea how old you are, but I'll tell you what...
In the gym I see women (and men) 20 and 30 years older (one woman I think is 100 YO and I am not kidding - she is a phenomenon) and there are two kinds.
1/2 of them exercise and have for however many years, it is part of their life. They are across the board, happy. and it's palpable. They are comfortable with and in their bodies. One of the major benefit of exercise is self esteem.
The other 1/2 are there because their doctors have just told them that they are going to die.
I do not have to study this scene very long to decide which group I prefer to join.
GO MURIEL!!!!!!!
posted on October 25, 2000 05:40:17 PM new
Muriel, I know what you are going through. My mother just moved out after living with me and my husband for the past year following her divorce. She brought her dog too who wasn't housebroken. I had an excuse for insisting it stayed outside - we rent and the landlord absolutely forbids pets of any kind in the house. The dog barked all the time because it was used to being a house dog which kept my husband awake because he works nights. Also my husband and my mother didn't "live together" very well even though they didn't dislike each other. I was always caught in the middle. She decided the dog arrangement wasn't fair to the poochie and she found a good home for him. Then just lately she has found an apartment she can afford. So now things are getting back to normal. And things will eventually get back to normal at your place too even though it doesn't seem like it right now. I hope it helps a little to know that someone understands, is thinking about you, and is wishing you the best.
posted on October 25, 2000 06:19:57 PM new
Hi Muriel
Sorry to hear of your travails. This will sound rather tongue-in-cheek, but I find insanity helps. Shortly after I took leave of my senses, I realized what terrific freedom it allows. If you're crazy, people find it difficult to hold you to their (possibly unrealistic) expectations.
Now, try shaking your head from side to side (long hair enhances the effect) and saying something like "BBRRRRTHPPPT!" Can you roll up your eyes? Gets you to the front of many lines. Chewing soap chips, too.
OK, maybe I'm being too silly. Seriously, my latest flight from reality caused a questioning of why we do many things and what are the real (usu. social) ramifications of not conforming. Surprisingly, the penalties are often minor or nil.
What a terrific sense of freedom. Conformers will dislike and fear you though. Nice little sheep. Bwahahaha!
You are to be congratulated on your exercise efforts. It surely can help and will make you feel better in the long run. As crazy as things get, sometimes it's easy to forget a long-term perspective.
Take care of yourself. It appears no one has addressed VENTING. I recommend it heartily.
Serendipity & Peace...
posted on October 27, 2000 03:32:08 PM new
Hey Muriel, don't forget that regular sleep and GOOD food are also important. I am going through a very stressful period myself and finding that it's much better to get that extra sleep than stay up trying to do extra work. If that means I am only doing B work instead of A work, that's the sacrifice I must make for my physical and mental health.
________
I never had one, and I didn't want one, and I don't, so now I do...
posted on November 15, 2000 08:40:05 AM new
Muriel,
You have been on my mind lately. Please tell us how you are doing, and how your home situation is working out. Have things settled down and worked into a comfortable routine? I truly hope all is well for you and your family.
Kate
My mom finally told me to go home and face the music because her dinner was coming. She's a card. 
