posted on January 11, 2001 12:43:04 PM new
What I've learned in life:
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big .... or huge .....
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more messed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned to say "f**k'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
posted on January 11, 2001 02:48:28 PM new
> WISDOM OF WILL ROGERS
>
> Don't squat with your spurs on.
>
> Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
>
> Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
>
> There are two theories to arguing with a woman.
>Neither one works.
>
> Never miss a good chance to shut up.
>
> Always drink upstream from the herd.
>
> If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
>
> The quickest way to double your money is to fold it
>and put it back
>in
> your pocket.
>
> There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by
>reading. The few
> who learn by
> observation. The rest of them have to pee on the
>electric fence for
> themselves.
>
> Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of
>that comes from bad
> judgment.
>
> If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look
>back every now and
>then
> to make sure it's still there.
>
> Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot
>easier'n puttin' it
>back.
>
> After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so
>good he started
> roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and
>shot him...
>
> THE MORAL: When you're full of bull, keep your
>mouth shut.
>
posted on January 11, 2001 04:39:16 PM new
Mrpotatohead: Great! I loved the one about throwing up, because my husband has the flu and he can really relate.
