posted on January 30, 2001 10:55:53 AM new
This might be the right place for "How to Shop for A MAN!!!
Rule #1
When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill.
It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have
too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words.
"Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3
If you are really, really broke,
buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer
or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.
Rule #4
Do not buy men socks.
Do not buy men ties.
And never buy men bathrobes.
(I was told that if men were supposed to wear bathrobes,
jockey shorts would not have been invented.)
[I think that was Barry (light my fire) Barris]who told me that.
Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy the man
on your list a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program,
your entertainment will be watching him have fun!
Rule #6
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave
or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7
Buy men label makers
(Almost as good as a cordless drill.) Within a couple of weeks,
there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups.
Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink, Cat, Dog." You get the idea.
No one knows why.
Rule #8
Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the
instructions because the box says "some assembly required".
It will ruin his special day. He will always have parts left over.
Rule #9
Good places to shop for men include:
Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot,
John Deere, Valley RV Center and Les Schwab Tire.
(NAPA auto parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent
men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.
"From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't
this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
Rule #10
Men enjoy danger.
That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him
a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him
the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge!
Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11
Tickets to a NY Giants game are a smart gift. However, he will
not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why.
Rule #12
Men love chain saws.
Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw.
If you don't know why, refer to Rule #7.
(Remember what happens when he gets a label maker?)
Rule #13
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be
an extension ladder.
No one knows why.
Rule #14
Rope.
Men love rope.
It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the
Boy Scouts. Nothing says "I love you" like a hundred feet
of 3/8" manila rope.
No one knows why.
posted on January 30, 2001 04:41:06 PM new
More rules for living with one of THEM:
The more remotes the better. They should be able to turn down the game on the radio when they need to turn up the game on the tv.
Mini fridges next to the armchair cut out a lot of unnecessary trips to the kitchen. ( A catheter to eliminate bathroom breaks is also nice.) These friges can be tastefully decorated with remote holders, beer can insulators, etc.
Channel surfing is annoying but necessary to maintain circulation in a man's hands, and they should not be scolded for this.
NEVER ever suggest looking at a map, no matter how lost you are... men are born knowing how to get there and maps are for wimps. Besides, you always wanted to know what the ghetto looks like!
To prevent your man from borrowing your hammer, paint it pink. Pink hammers don't work.
posted on January 30, 2001 04:50:52 PM newBearmom, I don't know about pink hammers, but pink screwdrivers work just fine. My former bro-in-law gave me one made by Snap-On, a man's tool company if ever there was one.
And to add to your rules of etiquette,
"When a woman asks how her new dress looks..." NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, tell her that it makes her look wide in the hips! (hence that reference to a "former" bro-in-law).
posted on January 30, 2001 09:26:44 PM new
ha, ha...I'm remembering a significant other who LOVED his label-maker so much i had to hide it.....I had labels saying "toothpaste" and "cereal" and "cup" and ......oh you get the idea.
Barris]who told me that.
