posted on February 12, 2001 10:10:16 PM new
It is 11:00 and I forgot that tomorrow my son's preschool class is exchanging valentines. Went to the store an hour ago and only had enough money for either candy or valentines. Went for the candy mainly because I figured we could make valentines and I really don't care for prepackaged valentines.
These dumb things are going to take all night to do. Each one is taking about 20 minutes. I think I need to do 12. My fingers are sore from cutting out hearts and punching holes. Red stamping ink is all over. My son got tired of writing his name on the hearts after about 4 were done.
I was hoping to list some auctions and watch a movie. oh well. I wonder if there is any alchol in the house?? please,please,please.
So if anyone else is staying up late, keep me company
posted on February 13, 2001 08:44:35 AM new
Hi, cmbtbts,
I'll tell you about one of my Valentines Days and it will make you forget allll your troubles.
First of all, I've never had memorable in a positive, gushy, hearts and roses, starring deeply into my lovers eyes kind of Valentines day...ever.
But this particular VD from about 20 years ago was my worse.
I think I will make it a shortened version of (one of) the worse days of my life.
I man on a motorcycle turned in front of my car (intentionaly, as in killing himself) on the 101 in San Jose and he died.
My most recent ex's Birthday is Valentines Day.
Trust me, I am not expecting anything, let alone anything special to happen for me tomorrow!
Then again, I have to remember it is just a made-up Hallmark holiday, anyway.
eve n.
posted on February 13, 2001 06:12:18 PM new
I used to work with an old Dutch man that was a very serious Lutheran and he always proclaimed when Valentines Day came around that it was a Pagan holiday dressed up in Christian clothing and not fit for serious decent people to have anything to do with.
He had married a second time late in life and
his wife had already met and married him before Valentines Day rolled around. She was NOT pleased with his feelings about it. She would tell him he hide that from her until after they were married or she might not have agreed.
posted on February 24, 2001 10:39:18 PM newgravid:
This is an email forward I got...you might want to share it with that old Dutch man...
Valentine was a Roman Christian who lived in the 3rd century. He served in the Roman army and was a well-respected member of society.
When some of his servants were arrested and imprisoned for being followers of Christ, he encouraged them by sending them messages of
love and encouragement. He used the symbol of a heart for secrecy, but those who received the messages knew that they were from him.
These messages of love were later called Valentines after Saint Valentine, who was put to death for his Christian faith.
posted on February 25, 2001 10:04:50 PM new
I can sympathize with that, I just caught my old lady out in the barn with my best horse, and she was wearing my favorite spurs!
posted on February 25, 2001 10:38:50 PM new
Okay, hopfully I won't get in too much trouble, but I love a good dirty joke.
A couple soldiers were out in the desert. They had been there for several months. One of the soldiers, who had been without a woman for several months was quite horny, he approached the sergent and explained his problem to him.
"Sir," he said, "we have been in this desert for months on end. I haven't seen a woman in twice that long! I need to get aid!"
The sergent said, "Son, I understand your predicament. There's a camel right over there that should be able to help you out."
The soldier was a little confused, but decided, what the heck. He was willing to try anything at this point. So he engaged in "marital relations" with the camel. When he had finished, he returned to the sergent and asked, "Did I do that right?"
The sergent, puzzled, looked at the soldier and said, "Well, I suppose that's one way to do it, but most soldiers just ride the camel in to town and get some hookers!"
posted on February 25, 2001 10:44:44 PM new
Oh, I'm sorry When I was in junior high one of my older sister's was going out with a Navy guy and I heard a lot of jokes like that. When I heard it, it was the foreign legion in the desert, though - so it's a new version to me!
posted on February 25, 2001 10:51:09 PM new
Three men who were lost in the jungle were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your rear end without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
A man and his wife, who are avid golfer's, decide one day that they are going to try the course at the ritzy country club. Everything is going fine until they get to the 7th hole and discover that there are a row of very expensive houses lining the green. They decide to go ahead anyway, and just be real careful, but sure enough, the wife hit's one right through the picture window of the most expensive looking house.
They go up to the house to offer to pay for the broken window and find the patio door unlocked. They know, but no one answers so they just go in and find the smashed window and a bottle broken on the floor in the direct path the ball would have taken. Sitting on a couch nearby is a man. They start talking to man, apologizing for breaking the window and the bottle, and the man interrupts them and tell them he is a genie that has been trapped in the bottle for 1000 years. In gratitude for them breaking the bottle and letting him out, he's going to grant them each one wish, but because of the circumstances, he get's one wish also.
The woman immediately wishes for the bottle to be whole again and the window fixed. The genie says ok, he'll do that after the other wishes are granted. The man wishes for immeasurable wealth, and the genie tells him that the stock he owns has just quadripled in value and split three for one, making him a very wealthy man. They then ask the genie what his wish is.
The genie says "Well, I've been trapped in that bottle by myself for 1000 years, I really need to get laid. My wish is for a session in bed with your wife." They talk it over and decide that since the genie has been good enough to grant their wishes, they'll go along with it.
The genie and the woman go upstairs and after some passionate lovemaking, the genie turns and asks the woman "So how old is you husband, anyway?" "35" she replies. The genie then says "It's really amazing that anyone can have lived that long and still believe in genies!"
When I was in junior high one of my older sister's was going out with a Navy guy and I heard a lot of jokes like that. When I heard it, it was the foreign legion in the desert, though - so it's a new version to me!