posted on February 1, 2001 06:59:22 AM new
Helen, That is also an excellent idea, depending on the grandmother's other obligations. Temporary? Yes she did state that; but how long is temporary. (Actually she stated for "a while" She also stated that she is taking the children as long as her daughter attends at least one month of meetings at a local Womans abuse shelter. THAT alone tells me more than can be put into words. There are also health problems, both mental and physical with both children and adults in this matter. The 22 yr. old needs to get out all the way and get with her children at Mom's. THEN call any agency for help.
( I really don't know how that smiley face got there...didn't mean it to be)
[ edited by nanastuff on Feb 1, 2001 07:00 AM ]
posted on February 1, 2001 07:19:19 AM new
nanastuff,
What an awesome problem. I wasn't aware of
the health problems mentioned by KRS.
She certainly qualifies for all the services
available regardless of the grandmothers
income. But it appears that they have a fear
that the children will be removed by social
services if they are involved.
If the doctors have indicated that she should
not live alone, I guess you have the best
suggestion, to encourage her to move back
with her mother and the children.
posted on February 1, 2001 07:40:48 AM new
Everyone, I beg you, please re-read this post. The 2 yrs old is showing signs of tremendous stress; the 8 month old has a heart condition; the 4 yr. old and the 3 yr. old have been diagnosed with ADD. What KRS (I think) is talking about is the other daughter that will be taking two of the boys. krs....is this from a different thread?? I see nothing like this here.
posted on February 1, 2001 07:50:57 AM new
If the post by KRS refers to the daughter
who is taking care of the other two children,
then we are in DEEP trouble.
posted on February 1, 2001 08:01:13 AM new
I'm going to say something that maybe unpopular but.. here goes anyhow.. *deep breath*
I have thought of trying to get her on disability so she can stay home and take care of her boys (which she wants to do)..but that will take 2 yrs...
Disability should not be used as "retirement". Disability is for those who are unable to work due to medical/mental conditions. Disability is not a convenient excuse for someone to stay at home with their children when they are capable of working. In looking for solutions, one shouldn't look towards abusing the system, that's not what it's there for.
posted on February 1, 2001 08:02:40 AM new
Helen, I just don't understand where krs is getting all of this. The grandmother did not say that in this thread. And why does it matter WHEN she worked at K Mart? Carole, I would like to hear from you again. I am very concerned for you and your family. I have been (somewhat) in your position and have been through family counceling. I would advise you to learn (really learn) what the word "enabling" really means. I beg you to get your daughter OUT and get her with you and her children. You can learn what being proud is really all about. Carole, get rid of the "guilt"! Take the bull by the horns..don't ask your daughter, from now on YOU tell her what SHE is going to do. In the big picture, she will thank you! I promise.
posted on February 1, 2001 08:13:57 AM new
rosibud...it is not that what you are saying is unpopular...I can agree with you; really I can under some circumstances. BUT..please there are circumstances that disability (and the like) are needed; that is why it is there. Please don't assume that EVERYONE abuses it. From what Carole has said, there are medical/mental conditions that DO exist with her daughter. I agree ALL the way with your generalization of disability and that it should NOT be used as retirement or to be abused.
posted on February 1, 2001 08:15:20 AM new
nanastuff,
the 'grandmother' said that stuff in another thread about some daughter, so I asked if it's the same daughter as will take in two of these children.
as to why it matters about kmart, the grandmother stated that the mother of these children could not hold a job at kmart, but could work at taco bell. Yet this mother was described as having been working at taco bell when she met the father of these children. If she's still at taco bell, when did she try kmart? Or did she leave taco bell, to kmart, back to taco bell, or what?
Even though much of this occured during grandma's breakdown seven years ago which has resulted in her needing nothing but meds for the last five years, she could perhaps help with the portions of this timeline which don't seem to jibe.
If your husband is a disabled vet, is he service connected or non-service connected? Does he qualify for treatment at the VA? (if he does, than you can cut expenses down there, by getting him medical treatment at the VA hospital and getting his meds there, since you have so many of them). Not sure what VA hospital you would have to go to.. although the closest one would be in Fayetteville AR. If he's service connected, what percentage? If you go through guardianship and get these children, and he's service connected, than you'll get more $ from the VA for the support of these children. If he's non-service connected than he's only disabled and a vet.. not necessarily a disabled vet.... ya know?
If your younger daughter, the one you spoke about in the previous thread, is the one who is helping out by taking care of the other two boys, than you and the rest of the family, may want to rethink this. Someone who is minimal able to take care of themselves, should not be the caregivers to two young children.
Other than that, you may want to consider what nanastuff said, she's offering a lot of sage advice.
posted on February 1, 2001 08:31:26 AM new
nanastuff ~ I said what I did based on the exact wording that was used: so she can stay home and take care of her boys. The woman has held a job and, according to the first post, is thinking about getting a second, in order to get out of debt. That, to me, does not sound as though they are unable to work...... which is what disability (SSDI or SSI) is really for ~ those who are UNABLE to work or be gainfully employeed because of their disability.
posted on February 1, 2001 09:14:25 AM new
Yes Rosibud, I do see where you are coming from. Easier said than done. It is VERY difficult to do with four children; probably one of the reasons she has "loaned" them to grandma. Grandma (Carole) has stated that this daughter is semi-retarted on top of it all. (as far as having four children; what is done is done) Thank you for giving me the other thread and your point re. the Vets is very good. I would still beg you, Carole, to get your daughter OUT of there and in with you and the children. If your other daughter (perhaps you have more than two daughters?) with the med. problems is taking the other two boys, ...... WRONG..as I said, take the bull by the horns, buck up, and YOU start running the show! If everything you have stated is true (re. mental/physical health on all parts), then there IS help out there. Get your daughter "home" with you and the hell with what SHE wants. Sorry....just my opinion.
posted on February 1, 2001 10:11:45 AM new
Sorry Helen, call me a "bleading heart", but when it comes to children then I guess I am. If there is even just one ounce of truth to this, then I want to be there for these children. No matter what Carole has to say in this thread or the other thread, there is clearly more than one problem. Somehow, the babies always get lost in space and not put first!!
posted on February 1, 2001 10:36:30 AM new
nanastuff and Helen:
The 22 yr. old needs to get out all the way and get with her children at Mom's. THEN call any agency for help.
I think that is something we can all agree on and it is the best advice that we can give. However, getting someone to take your advice is a totally different matter, especially when you're dealing with someone secondhand (re: you're not dealing with the mother, you're dealing with the grandmother)and the information you're receiving is convoluted at best.
posted on February 1, 2001 01:37:09 PM new
Grandma and the mentally [borderline] disabled Mom are looking for way to get out of their responsibilities and saddle the taxpayers with their problems. from the posts they are seeking fraudulent means to gain their desired ends.
The whole story illustrates the need for a mandatory sterilization program.
2 ADD kids? Pllleeaaassseeee. Afore long the infant will be diagnosed with that as well...or maybe PTSS. Yet another excuse.
Insted of a form of govermental assistance...how about a local religous organisation?
posted on February 1, 2001 02:08:08 PM new
DrTrooth ~ I do agree with some of what you're saying, except for one thing:
The whole story illustrates the need for a mandatory sterilization program
There are many many parents out there, who have handicapped (physical/mental) children who dedicate their lives to ensure that this sort of situation does not happen to their children. I kinda feel that your idea, for mandatory sterilization is a fix that isn't needed in all cases. Does that make sense?
You are right about the religious organizations...... Fort Smith is teaming with all sorts of churches that simply love to help out those in need. I see, from another post that was done around christmas time... this particular family was on all sorts of help lists.. as they received 3 baskets of food around thanksgiving.. (and even turned one away). This tells me that these sorts of organizations have already been used utilized in the past, and there's no reason that they can't be utilized again. Even though, the grandmother is in a different state.. the town is only 20 minutes from Ft. Smith and churches turn a blind eye to that border and constantly reach across it when they see someone in need.............. if the mother and children, were to move in with the grandparents.
There is help out there without going to the goverment for it.. and many towns, in the south, the people are very giving so therefore there're lots of non-government organizations.
[ edited by rosiebud on Feb 1, 2001 02:09 PM ]
posted on February 1, 2001 02:09:23 PM new
DrTrooth- I am not EVEN going to address your mandatory steralization theory..what is done is done.
snowyegret - another reason the mother needs to be with grandma and HER children. If the mother and grandma are trying to do what you think, so be it. If it is for the CHILDREN, I am for it. That is what the programs are for. They must come FIRST. (TWO ADD boys)
posted on February 1, 2001 02:25:44 PM new
nanastuff, the consent was something that had just occurred to me which could be a big problem if the mother is not there. These days, one of the parents or a legal guardian needs to sign their consent for kids to receive vaccinations.
posted on February 1, 2001 02:26:44 PM new
At least I can say that 2 people have voiced their opinions, disagreed with some of my points [1 point] and have not had to flame me to get their point across. Kudos!
Now.....what is done is done......but this young woman has what....20 - 25 years of child-bearing years ahead of her. If she was not bright enough to learn her lesson and keep her legs closed....after the FIRST 2....well, what else do I have to say?
posted on February 1, 2001 02:29:32 PM new
snowyegret - that is one of the reasons I have said all along that the mother of those children need to be with grandma also.
posted on February 1, 2001 02:48:29 PM new
DrTrooth ~ you do have a valid concern. Assuming that this entire story is true, the bleeding hearts here (no insult intended ) are concerned for the children involved. There is reason to believe that there could be, at some point in the future, more children. Therefore, this issue is of concern.
*I, for one, would back you on an innititive to make birth control manditory for anyone who receives public assistance*
posted on February 1, 2001 04:25:02 PM new
I'm feeling a bit like a sucker right now. I have to wonder if there is a daughter, let alone four kids right about now.
She also stated that she is taking the children as long as her daughter attends at least one month of meetings at a local Womans abuse shelter. THAT alone tells me more than can be put into words. There are also health problems, both mental and physical with both children and adults in this matter. The 22 yr. old needs to get out all the way and get with her children at Mom's. THEN call any agency for help.
) are concerned for the children involved. There is reason to believe that there could be, at some point in the future, more children. Therefore, this issue is of concern.