posted on February 1, 2001 07:31:00 PM new
OK..I was SHOCKED to see this thread surface again.
FIRST regarding the 'morality'of the mother of the FOUR children. This jerk took advantage of her at a very difficult time in her life. She was totally emotional vunerable for this guy.(You know the kind of guy I'm talking about). He was 27 and she was only 17.
I could go on for pages about him but the WORSE you can imagine is it with him.
When we moved from California 5 yrs ago they moved with us. (He also saw a free meal ticket. He saw us as a free meal ticket for the rest of his life). He bought a van for Becky a few months ago. He was soooo proud and telling everyone. It was a lemon from one of those places you don't even go near because they are hustlers and their cars are lemons. He traded in a $2000 car we'd just GIVEN them (they were suppose to pay for it but never had the money)for the amount of $300! They got an 89 piece of junk...left the lot with smoke coming out the exhaust! And he is soooo proud of what he did. We could have killed him...we kept our mouth shut.(This is just to tell you what kind of a jerk he is and how stupid).
I guess I've led a sheltered life because I didn't even THINK there were scum like him. I was shocked at what he thinks is ok to do and how it is never his fault...I'm still shocked by it.
Yes, my one daughter that is now on disability and almost 20 is still working but only 24 hours and she has had the almost 5 yr old and the 4 yr old all week. She understands their 'learning' and 'attention' problem because she has lived it.
She has a listed schedule they follow and that is what they do every day. When she needs a sitter the sitter follows it.
She is great with kids. This is her strong area.
I've had the 8 mo old for 3 days now as he was sick and the Dad wouldn't do anything but let him cry. So she had him come here.
Last night was the first night I had the 2 yr old..they were good and I'm beginning to wonder if the 2 yr old is ADD...because he was not out of control. I'm wondering if some of his actions are simply copying his Dad who is ADD/ADHD/and more. I'm completely worn out because the baby has been up most of each night in pain.
I'm wondering HOW I'm going to do this.
Someone said to INSIST Becky move in here with the boys. I don't know if I could HANDLE that myself. The EASY way is to have the 2 sisters move in together. The mother doesn't want to because her sister tells her HOW to be a Mother and points out when she is neglecting the kids.(Even though it's true).
Thanks to however pointed out that I was 'enabling' Becky. I KNEW something wasn't quite right about this...but I was to close to see it. I should INSIST that Becky either move here or with her sister and then she can take the time needed to get her act together.
Now remember, Becky has one of those bleeding hearts. She wanted to change this jerk and instead he has killed her spirit and light.
Would you believe she arranged for him to get on medicaid so he won't have any medical expenses because he can't afford the co pays and 20% with his health insurance. (He doesn't care if she can afford it. He makes $9 hour she makes $6)...she found him a place to stay. She is giving him his entire check with the conditions that he pay the van payment, diapers and for preschool for 2 yr old twice a week). She is concerned if we'll let him visit the boys (yep..he really thinks we have the authority to stop him from seeing them).
She has worked at Taco Bell since she was 16 off and on. She was a nurses assistant at a health care facility, worked at Kmart etc inbetween and quit because she can't deal with everyone telling her what to do because she wants to please and gets frustrated and confused with too many 'bosses'. At TAco Bell you don't have to deal to heavily with people and she knows the routine.
No...we aren't trying to get any extra for the kids that isn't necessary. We do have legal guardianship of 3 of them but not the baby yet.
Anyone who has been in this kind of situation can understand my daughter is simply unable to respond anymore to much of anything. She is so stressed out she can't cope....she is only 22.and not a street wise type person.
So now I need to pray about this and discuss it with my husband. Because I do think we are enabling her and all.
I didn't realize how depressed she was til this last month and she's neglected the boys as well. I was disgusted today when the 2 yr old got items out of our trash to eat today. And how he takes toys into his room at bedtime because he thinks he's going to be locked in (I've kept the door wide open)..
This is a sad situation...but I'd like to thank those who have helped without moralizing. And it takes TWO to have 4 children...and if a 30 yr old man can't be responsible enough to wear a condem ...
It appears some on this thread don't understand the control these jerks have over vulnerable woment.
Yes, this is a TEMPORARY arrangement. I it to her that at 22 she is trying to break away and without marketable(sp?) skills and her low IQ she knows the odds are against her. A lot of women would just stay with the situation so they could survive financially. (At least this guys works most of the time..jobs usually last about a year).
For those who wanted to know..yes it is service related (my hubbys disability)..
posted on February 1, 2001 07:45:07 PM new
The bouncy blue thing was over the top. All of this was over the top. Gnight Irene
edited to get rid of the damn sig line and to say that this whole thing sucks. I'm not a fiddle and I refuse to be played.
[ edited by kitsch1 on Feb 1, 2001 07:50 PM ]
posted on February 1, 2001 07:51:44 PM new
"This guy says he wants a 'baseball team'..of course he doesn't CARE that he can't provide for them. He is always saying he'll get a second job...then for one excuse or another he'll quit or be fired within a week or two".
posted on February 1, 2001 08:08:33 PM new
Are you kidding me?!!
For her to work 8 hours would be the equivalence of you and I working a 16 hr day every day. She literally collapses when she gets home.. (edit)She is smart enough to know she is different..(edit) Recently severe stress related mental problems are surfacing for the first time.
This is the other person who you are allowing to take care of your other two grandchildren? Did those severe stress related mental problems just suddenly vanish? Do you anticipate that they will get better with two small children (and everyone here knows how much stress two small children can cause) who are supposedly ADD and no longer living in their own home? You *think* the best alternative would be to allow your two daughters to live together on their own.. so the one can get her act together?
Yes, I suppose, this is an attack of sorts.. but more I'm simply dismayed at the family dynamics of this situation that I don't seem to grasp.
1) You are the mother of these two women. Your job is to protect them and your grandchildren.
2) Your job is to not saddle your 19 year old daughter, who has obvious physical/mental problems, with the children of your other daughter. My god woman, this 19 year old, single, childless woman, should be able to lead her own life, and not be taking care of children who are not hers. Talk about forcing adulthood on someone!
3) Your job is to make sure, if you are taking care of your grandchildren (the guardianship that you say you have), that they are in a safe, stable environment. The way you described your 19 year old daughter, a month ago.. does not define a safe stable caretaker.
There is something seriously wrong with this family picture and from what I'm seeing, maybe all four children being in foster care, wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Otherwise, I'll have to agree with KRS, but wanted to add my .02 in just in case it were for real.
and not a street wise type person.
